Sanity Overrated

MIA - 'Missing In Action'

2010-11-12T01:53:00.003+08:00

this is only because ive got pretty pictures, and this is coinciding with whatever i have.

After a trend of hiatus for the past 3 months, more or less, I am back.

I think i should stop having this 'I am going to blog more often' mode, because evidently after the 100th time, I am still, not in the mode.

I am in the middle of my finals now. With only one more paper to go, and feeling more and more miserable after every paper.

I have this strong feeling that says 'You-messed-it-up, woman', now that I am approaching the end of the semester.

Could have done so much, but I didnt. And i didn't know why.

I tried, but its not good enough.

So that, is really irking me off.

I've been in solitude most of the time. If not, only within the comfort of two people, at most, weekly.

I think the world hates me. Or maybe, they're angry that I decided to ditch them halfway through.

Recently, a debate friend of mine passed away. Got into a freak accident in Lebuhraya Karak. Such a nice man, who had dreams of becoming somewhere in debate. And the sad part, i never wanted to know him that bad, rather than the occasional 'hello's at tournament.

The even sadder part, is that I just spoke to him a week before Allahyarham passed away, and he was already telling how he looks forward to see us, IIU debaters at the next tourney.

His sister is coming to IIU in December for a debate tournament, I hope him returning back to God is not going to let her passion for debate wither out, but rather burns it further so she can live a dream that he didn't get to.

I've been getting myself into trouble too. Like a few of 'em.

I'm more angry than often these days. Mostly with the world.

So i shut the world out. And the world did the same.

Back then, i never quite understand how can a person be so angry at so many things, for so long. Its almost like this feeling that you will never get sick of being angry.

But i do now. I get angry with so many things, that the teeniest of thing would irk me so bad that i could burn the place down. or burn myself down. just like rihanna's 'love the way you lie'.

Limewire recently got court injunction. So everyone can delete their limewire software now, because its no good for downloading illegally. Of course, everyone can finally opt for iTunes, where you PAY.

I've seen the iPad. and its so BEAAAUUTIIIFUULL.

no kidding. like i know when things are overrated, but iPad, NOT overrated.

PS3 overrated, LCD HD TV overrated, blu-ray disc whatever shit overrated.

Gladiator shoes used to be overrated. Looking indie (or trying hard to look indie) is overrated.

iPhone 3GS/4 is overrated and Fly Fm anniversary is overrated.

But iPad, NOT overrated.

so sleek, and gives you that comforting feeling. not because its Apple stuff, because you do things you love on it, and you can do it ANYTIME, anywhere.

im into comfy stuffs these days.

twisted one of the vein wearing heels the other day.

almost regretted buying that heels, but decided that i am not, because its such a pretty shoes.

kinda afraid to go home now, cos dad and mom pissed off with some stuffs i did over in campus.

so yeah.

and ive officially removed the word 'holiday' from my dictionary. because i know no such thing.

my debate life has OFFICIALLY replaced whatever holiday that i have for the rest of my degree life.

selections debate, crap as usual. ranking last in the top 12th. so that makes me entitled to ONLY one tournament, Royals, in the second team. Say bah-bye to Botswana, London and UPM (HAHA!)

Aside from how life has withered out to further crappy-ness, other than that, I am just surviving. really.

its already middle of november. what did you do the whole one year to date?

i didnt do much. but time doesnt turn back.

ahhh. sucker.

-kd-

tired

2010-08-27T23:03:00.002+08:00

im currently in this bout of solemn, depression-ish moodswings.

i'd like to step out of it soon, before my future crashes down.

-kd-

....

2010-07-30T12:29:00.001+08:00

God, this is so crap.

-kd-

Its almost weird

2010-07-25T22:58:00.004+08:00

I think its almost weird :-

when someone's boyfriend is meeting the ex; and the girlfriend is fine with it.
she's cool and she acknowledges it.

she doesn't want to see the ex, neither does she wants to be friend with the ex of her boyfriend, but she doesn't mind him seeing his ex.

after all she knows, that even if the ex doesn't matter anymore, the ex would always be his past. the past of which, she was not a part of, and the past that only belongs to him and can never be taken away.

she doesn't mind, also because she does the same too with her ex. and he cannot take that away from her, because it is her past. and her past belongs to her.

deep down, the only reason that she allows the ex back into his life, because she wants him to do the same thing when it comes to her ex. and because she understands that once you love someone, the person never quite leave your heart. its almost a comforting feeling, to be able to see that person again, even if the situation or the feeling doesnt quite feel the same anymore.

and then, she waited 3 hours, at the very same place the boyfriend met his ex. tried to camouflage, like she was not part of the picture.

its like that picture, where the focus is on two people, but there's someone at the corner of the picture, blending in the environment. no one saw her, or notice her. but she is still, nonetheless, part of the picture.

and she got a different feeling.
a feeling like she's losing grip of him. him, of whom has always been hers all this while. only 3 hours later.

a second would change the world, what more would 3 hours?

it pained her to see him beaming with happiness, the psyched face when he's too excited about something. dressing up for her, and asking the girlfriend if he looks good and decent enough to see the ex.

the boyfriend came back into the girlfriend's arms, telling her how much he misses her. and how much he loves her. and how much he is glad that she is his world now, and not the ex.

only after telling the girlfriend how much fun he had with the ex.

no matter how much he has been convincing her, she cant quite convince herself that he's still hers. because right now, in her head, he is already slipping away.
its just time that will tell her that she's wrong or right.
because she has seen it before, and she knows what this will lead to, eventually.

guess what,he saw her again today.
she doesn't want to talk about it anymore.

"i was too nice to let it slide"

lets hope thats not what she will say sometime in the future.

-kd-

Suffocated

2010-07-16T04:27:00.004+08:00

Have you had those feelings like you are suffocated?

Like life is overbearing, or at least the thought of it is overbearing?
And the idea that things can just spin out of control; and just did spun out of control a few minutes ago?
The idea that life is so small, that there isn't much of a room to move around. So small that you feel like you are being stuck in a room that gets smaller by second?

White room that just closes up on you, with walls getting closer and closer to you till the view gets smaller, and the space to breathe gets shallower.

I think i just did.
I just spun my heart out of control.
This, is definitely not good.

Sometimes, this is why it is not good to live in the past.

I wanna, wanna, wanna, speak French.

-khadi-

That Sucky Feeling

2010-07-15T02:36:00.002+08:00

Have you had those days, where everything just went well and you can say after a long time that you had a really good day, then suddenly you found out something not so nice, the happy feeling was suddenly ruined?

I just had that.

My classes went really well, I like all my lecturers, well except for one, but I like the subject, and I like how she teaches you step by step and takes the trouble to explain to you, so I can tolerate her for this one semester.

Then i'm released from the state of being broke today, because....I am not telling you.

And I had a really good laugh at Sarah because she got selected to PLKN, and I got to post shoutouts that I don't usually get to, in fear of tarnishing my debating career.

See? Good day.

Then, i found out something about a person, whom I've been occasionally stalking (only because I have nothing better to do) and meant a lot in the past.
And found out why we never kept in touch since the last time we see each other.
Even now, that I overcame my fear to keep in touch, and hoping he would, he never did.
But today I know why he never did come by to do so.

Kind of makes you feel crappy when that happens doesn't it?

Of course, we EVENTUALLY step out of it, but really, momentarily, it just ruins your awesome day.

"happy 60th... :))))"

i shouldnt have seen that.

I still do.

-kd-

away from home

2010-07-08T03:36:00.002+08:00

i'm going back to campus tomorrow.
I am currently in this phase of 'sedih nak balik campus'.

god, i am missing home already. and everyone in it.

and i'm missing mom's birthday again this year. Daddy's not too pleased about it.
I hope mom doesnt mind.

If you're a family or close friends.
I love you guys very much.
And i'm gonna miss you guys alot.

-kaydee.-

About Old Love

2010-07-08T02:12:00.003+08:00

I was just watching 'Australia'. Yes a movie that was released last year. This one actually could compete with Hindi movie, being a 3 hrs and 45 mins movie. Crazy man.

But this movie also taught me something new.

Remember how we all always look at our parents and say 'God, they last really long'. Like my mom and dad, been married for about 21-22 years (i am just assuming, since I am twenty, so they should get married a year or two before i am born. The love of their life!)

Or even those couples who could celebrate their 50th anniversary. You could only say, "God, they must have been sick with each other".

Like my grandparents. My grandmom got married to Granddad when she was 16yrs old. And she passed away when she was 70-ish turning 80. That would be a whooping SIXTY FOUR YEARS! yes. and he loved her and she loved him for every minute of their life. Although they have small quarrels in Banjar language; although incomprehensible, still adorable nonetheless.

But the girl sitting next to you in class, her relationship lasted for 3 months.
The boy down the corner of the class, 5 months.
The girl down the end of your dorm, 1 month.
You get the drift by now.

Even hitting the one-year anniversary already makes you feel so sick and dead bored of the other person; and by the one-year mark, you would have envisioned many not-so-beautiful stuffs. Like secretly imagining strangling him and slamming his head over and over to the car window till he's all squishy. Or imagining having a bulldozer or a military tank and run him over till he's flat, reverse, and run him over, AGAIN.
Or, my most favourite, push him down the long winded staircase like Batu Caves' ones, and then let him roll and die, walk down to the ground and you jump over his head over and over and over again till, well, it doesnt look like his head anymore.

:] Heh.

Of course these are the MANY thoughts you have; partially contributed to how INDEPENDENT and LIBERAL we are today. Especially referring to women, because men have always been so LIBERAL and INDEPENDENT for many gazillion years.

(you wait till we figure out how to mate by ourselves, then we wont be needing you. HEH.)

But back then, love just go through everything. Hence the quotation 'Lautan bara pun sanggup ku renangi" (direct translation : sea of fire, i will swim through).
You've at least watched THOUSANDS of 'challenged love stories'; like Titannic, Pearl Harbour, Devdas, Australia, and Romeo and Juliet. And if you insist, Lagenda Budak Setan (because that story is just tragic; too tragic).

Well, if you haven't, then darling, you are NOT a woman.

But really, i think the true key to surviving a relationship right now, or have that fiery, passionate love with your lover for the next 5 million years would be to be in the middle of the war, or get stuck in a caste system, or have an arranged marriage or inter-religion love.
(this is arranged from the worst case scenario to the least worst case scenario).

You wanna know why?
This is where the juicy part comes.

BECAUSE THEY HAVE BETTER AND MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT THAN :-
1) Is he cheating on me?
2) Why didn't he call me tonight?
3) Why didn't he buy me dinner?
4) I think I am feeling distant from him. I think I am losing my love for him.

Wanna know why?
Because, the things that they worry more would be :-
1) Is he dead yet?
2) Will he be coming back in one piece?
3) Would my father kill me and chop me or instruct an honour killing if i flee and run away?
4) Will our families assassinate us if we elope?

Yes. I have revealed to you world's secret to a lasting relationship.

NOT TO BOTHER YOURSELF WITH PETTY STUFFS.

Because there are more important things to worry out there.
At the end of the day, to these people with so much challenge in their life, all they want to do is bask in each other's arms and be comforted by the idea of having one another, a peaceful life and both alive.
Ignoring the insecurities of why he didn't do this and do that and what not.

My grandparents lived through the Japanese Era.
My parents were born with no trust funds. Just pure cold hard sweat; earning every freaking bucks.

That's why they made it.
Because they believe, insecurities is not befitting in their situation.

Now, go and say sorry to your boyfriend or husband or whoever. At least you won't have to worry about receiving a news from some General that your loved one was blown to pieces in some war-torn countries.

-Kd-

Debate

2010-07-07T02:52:00.003+08:00

First thing first, I need to write this down.

FUCK. YOU. yes, you heard me. FUCK YOU.

haih, that feels good. I just need to write it down somewhere, don't worry, i am not talking about you.

Currently listening to "Cooler than me - Mike Posner". Definitely a feel good song. Makes you feel so good, and cool.

Its like when you listen to that song, you feel like "Hahahahaha!Ko bajet ko tu cool sangat ke? Aku lagi cool la. At least I am not poyo mcm you, and darling, i can so do it so much better than you do, except I DONT WANT TO! *laughs at the person face*"

Told you. Feel good song. Go listen to it.

That all, aside, im having another insomniac wave.
Sleepy, but cannot sleep. This is so cramping my style. How much do you wanna bet that i will only be falling asleep at 6am? Because that's been it the past 5 days.

I'm not trying hard enough? Don't worry. I have.
Try being in bed the past two hours, lying, tossing left and right, counting sheeps, counting circles, counting fingers, playing with shadow, talking to myself, singing along to Mike Posner (for probably the 100th time by now), and telling myself to sleep.
I have no idea what is wrong. I think too much sugar intake per day la.
Home is heaven, I had TWO apple strudel today. :)

But of course this post isnt gonna be talking about everything else i have mentioned above, but to talk about debate.

My bestfriends hate debate because debate booked me more days of the year than they could.
I, despite missing the weekends, home, family, best friends, peaceful nights not worrying about matterloading, still like debate.

I like the adrenaline rush of saying things and make the other opponents feel 'HAHA! KO BODOH' feeling :)

you see, i dont get to do that often in real life, because i'm nice. I have yet to go up to someone and say "Eh bangang, jangan semak depan muka aku boleh tak?" or "Bodoh" or "Fuck you"; although i have fantasy of saying such things, OUT LOUD. Because my momma taught me well, and i am generally people-pleaser.

So the only time i can do that, or permits myself to do that is during debate. C'mon, everyone just needs to bitch. Its a matter of how you do it. And furthermore, EVERYONE in debate clans are bitchy anywaayy... so i wouldnt wanna be left out.

I don't like how debate is taking so much of my time, the remaining time that I use to pamper myself. (yes, I always pamper myself, or make people pamper me) But I truly believe that to be good at something, you have to make it your life.

Hence, including debate in EVERY FREAKING ASPECTS of my life. If you could read my mind, every 1 min would be dedicated on how some article or line in the newspaper can be used as a good argument. Its like how every 10 secs, men think about sex, yeah the same thing.

I'm not good at debating, but I wanna be good at it. Like super duper awesome at it, and win some humongous tournament, get on the newspaper, gets interviewed on teevee, get on the wall of fame in IIUM and get MONEYHH. lots of them.

Ultimately, I want the fame, popularity, and power. :)
Yes, I am a power-hungry person.
I don't wanna be just GOOD at debate,
I wanna be AWESOME and be KNOWN for that awesomeness.
Haih, such an attention whore :)

But you get the drift.
Debate is dirty, because everyone is super smart, so they play dirty politics.
Like 'i don't like you so i find some twisted reason to give you a loss' or 'i don't like you so i keep pairing you up with bullshit debater' or 'i don't like you so i be the president and turn everyone against you' kind of shit.
scary huh? and that is like a fraction of the drama that happens in debating scene.

Why i wanna be good?
Because i wanna say to the face of people that screw me over,
"I am not just pretty, and smart, but I am also fucking good at debating,and the best part, i dont even have to play dirty politics like you do".

I really do.
Sometimes it's sad when you work so hard for that spot to get into a specific team, and they wont let you in because 'you are not good enough' or 'you lack experience' without commanding the kind of effort you put into getting where you are, that really kicks the heart and smashing it.

Or when they don't want to be friend with you because 'you're not good enough so no one knows you, so you're not worthy of being a friend to us the important people'
Or when they compare you to your comrades who are so much more experienced than you, and say 'you still suck since the last time we saw you'.

Those kinds of things.

These are the only reasons why I make it a point to make debating my life.
To prove them that they are wrong.
Because I am smart, and I can be good at something, if I want to.
And if I want it bad enough and willing to work hard for it.

I am rarely a slow learner, I just need to know first.

When I get there,
I don't wanna be friends with people who chose to discriminate and isolate me.
Because 'I am not good enough'.

You wait and see,
I will be the president, and I will rule you out of your own club.

Here's to terrorizing debating scene,
Because you guys are not nice.

*plays 'Paris For President*

courtesy to Iona, now everytime I think about being a president, that song popped in my head

The debate part of life is shared.
For now, I shall continue the next two hours staring emptily to the ceiling of my room

-Khadi-

For that previous Flame

2010-06-30T15:12:00.002+08:00

This is for that old flame, I never gotten over.
I still miss you once in a while.

Take care, I hope you're doing well over there.

-khadi-

Insomnia

2010-06-30T00:50:00.002+08:00

I had a terrible night last night. Was in bed at 3am only to fall asleep at 7am.
And had to wake up to go to Gombak at 8.30am.

One and a half hour of sleep.

Horrible. I was closing my eyes throughout the 4 hours, convincing myself to sleep. In between the convincing, i remembered a friend once said, "it's easier to fall asleep when you don't think about making you fall asleep". So i counted sheeps in my head, i imagined boxes - yellow, red, purple, brown, black. And then i stopped thinking about sleeping, to trick my mind into making me fall asleep, but to no success.

By now, you should feel sorry for myself.
Because,
Above all things, I treasure my sleep the most.

When it comes to the worst of days, i'll get over the day by sleeping.
If i am stressed, I sleep.
When i am pissed off and in the mood to kill someone else, to avoid getting myself into trouble, I sleep.
When i am so hungry but I am too lazy to go out and find food, I sleep.

My life pretty much is dedicated to sleeping.
Hence, showing you how utterly important for me to sleep.
And more than anyone else in the world, I tend to get very upset and irritated and disappointed when the one thing that I like most in the world, cannot be done.
Especially, with all those practices over the years, you kinda figured out its the simplest thing to do next to drinking and eating.
It's like when its hibernation period, and you being the polar bear, when all the other polar bears have fallen asleep; you, cannot fall asleep. and ended up staring at the ceiling of your cave.

By now, you would be wondering, what would be the result to my 'messed up body clock'; directly quoting Bobsie.
I have no idea.
I'm bidding its either the excessive hours i've been sleeping, or the sleeping late, or the mind overdrive, or maybe its the environment.

I'm getting really restless just trying to make myself fall asleep. It's like there's something wrong when i wanna fall asleep. Whether its the bed, the weather, or maybe the mind; not tired enough to shut down.

But i think it's PMS. Just like last month.

Whatever it is, it better be gone, because 3 more days like this, I'm gonna be a VERY VERY cranky woman.

Ohwell. I am gonna try going to bed again in a while.

What's your bid when you can't fall asleep?

p.s : I like it when everyone has this attitude on days that I am moody

-The Woman Who Gets Real Cranky When She Cannot Sleep-

one-perspective problem

2010-06-23T03:57:00.002+08:00

ya ya, im on a blogging streak. tak abis-abis nak blog je.

anyway, i just survived a verbal massacre. one ugly ones. between the close peeps in my life. you know how when you are in a fight with your siblings and your mom comes and makes everyone stand in a straight line and then ask who started it, and EVERYONE starts playing the 'blame game'?

yeah. i just had that. only this time around, i was forced to be in the middle of it, and they're all into their second decade of life. pathetic, maybe. needed, definitely.

but lets not go to that excruciating details of it, because im now struck with the wave of insomnia, thanks to the shock of being forced to be there.
well except for the part where i openly declared "i need to pee" and managed to leave battlefield for 20mins before they came hunting for me.
ugh. scary gila babi okay?

have anyone heard about one-perspective problem?

yes. its new, its there, its unsaid.
remember the fight you have with your best friend.
or the fight with your boyfriend.
or with your mom or your sister.
it could really be about anything and everything, but essentially this is why we have that fight.

'because your perspective (or side of the story) is not my perspective; hence it is automatically wrong and it is dumb'.

yes, as simple as that.
how many times the person at the other end of the fight does not want to listen to you, because it is not what he thinks the explanation should be; or at least it did not sound like what he wants it to be.
and you continue to shut your brain from receiving that person's explanation; simply because
1- you can
2 - well, he's not explaining it correctly.

of course, when it comes to this context, when we talk about 'correctly' explaining something, it's something to do with 'explaining something like how i wanna hear it because if it's not; then it doesnt apply'.

Dumb as you're reading through this post, maybe. but how many times have we been stuck in such a moment?
the moment of i dont wanna talk to you because you're not making sense.

don't worry, you're not the only one. i have them too, but really, i know its there. the problem is there.

so what would be the solution when you come across OPP (one-perspective problem)?

two words : SHUT UP. and then you listen, and then consider.

its really that simple. just because it doesnt fit your perspective of how you want things to be, or how you think it is, doesnt make it wrong.
it just makes it different.

because sometimes, you see everything from different angle. its like that story of these 5 blind men feeling elephants and describing the elephant.

blind man 1 : it has long nose
blind man 2 : it has big leg
blind man 3 : it has big tummy
blind man 4 : it has small tail
blind man 5 : it has rough saggy skin.

now, think about this. just because blind man 1 said elephants have long nose, doesnt mean that elephants do not have big leg, big tummy, small tail and rough saggy skin.
its just that you're seeing (or since they're blind, the correct word would be 'feeling') the different part of it.

sometimes, all we need to solve a fight is to listen to what the other person have to say.

remember, key word is : SHUT UP. yes. say it with me, SHUT UP.

let us all fight OPP!
I know i've started, but have you?

-kaydeeeeeeeeeee-

its not that i dont like PDAs

2010-06-22T02:06:00.004+08:00

good god. after 2 days of stumbling over PDAs all over blogs, and facebook (like shoutouts every 5 secs) telling people how you feel inside, i have a few opinions :-

one, i think its extremely healthy. like when you have a certain song you wake up to in the morning and you start humming it in shower, and you just cannot get it out of your head, and you wanna tell someone about it, so you type it on facebook.

or you have that certain feeling in pure randomness, like that feeling of suddenly wanting to jump up and down and start jiggling and you wanna share it to the world, that's good.

two, when you get that 'i love you, sayang' totally randomly across the other person's facebook profile, that's cute too. regardless of how much i'm against PDA (public display of affection), i still do it too once in a while. and he does it more frequently than not. but thats good. PDA is definitely sweeter than chocolate indulgence in secret recipe.

three, i think its also extremely happy when you want to express deepest, darkest side of your personality or just how fucked up you feel at that particular point in time. its the satisfaction of being able to read on your facebook profile or your blog

"Khadijah Shamsul says F**K YOU."

"Yes, I am F**king Pissed with you. Go piss off"

See? Makes you feel good just reading about it, dont you?

But what i would label as unbearable would be, those lovey dovey relationships turning sour.

A-ha, not just ANY relationship. its the immature ones.

Like how in primary school, you like this boy who likes this girl who likes this other boy who likes you. Those kind of thing.

And you start complaining and ranting

"sob. sob. my boyfriend dumped me for the other bitch"

"oh, i am so confused right now, to love my boyfriend or to love that dude who loves me but i dont love him. oh what do i do now? *dramatic pose*"

"that fucking bitch stole my fucking boyfriend. im gonna get back to her"

"oh we are so not meant to be together. im so heartbroken. sob, sob"

and then a week later,

"oh we are so happy together now, me and that dude who i thought i'd never fall in love with before *glowy face*"

"my boyfriend and i are so happy and meant for each other. happy 1 week anniversary Baybee!! *screams like a typical high school girl*"

"im so over 'insert-name-here'. now im together with 'insert-another-name-here' "

For real?

Do WE (this is of course speaking for the entire community of strangers, aside from your school friends, and whoever else, who CHOOSE to know about your life) want to read that?

i think what really irked me, is that, these are not even real life stuffs that people CAN relate to.

well, for one, i definitely do not know how to get over a heartbreak in one week. let alone wrap myself on the idea of switching boyfriends every week.

what im REALLY trying to say is, sometimes you should always give merits to what you write. there should always be a level of integrity in your writing, yes, be it even on your facebook wall. i believe it should go beyond just ranting about things that only you care about, but to more things that people actually want to read.

this is why Aisha won that blogger award, because she writes stuffs even random stranger would wanna read.

sometimes, you gotta be wise with what you write. so that people like me, who occasionally judge, would not think of you as a high-school-drama type. yes, i am stereotyping. you call it onto yourself.

love, life, relationship, always need to have that certain level of maturity. its not just about falling in love (or thinking that you're in love) and then telling the whole world about it and then screwing it over the minute after. we think THAT is pathetic. honestly.

of course, there's always an option to walk away, but sometimes i just read through people's blogs and shoutouts to annoy myself and then have something to bitch about :)

see? you wont be reading this far if i wasnt appealing to you, like how i wasnt appealed to the facebook shoutouts and blogs to be patient enough to know the end. *evil smirk*

-kd-

beauty pageant and why we should have it

2010-06-21T03:06:00.003+08:00

i was watching 'Miss Universe Malaysia' just a few hours back. always have loved to watch beauty pageant all my life. something about beauty on parade just catches you and attract you.

like iona said, "we, humans are systemized to recongnise beauty".

well i dont actually like the idea of these women being beautiful, but i believe to a certain extent, having such competition would really help us, the very ordinary people on sunday night with nothing better to do.

i think indirectly the beauty pageant helps boost your confidence as that normal person. because FINALLY, you can openly scrutinize, condemn and openly discriminate people's look.

after all, it IS a beauty pageant. you are expected to be 'beautiful' to even be in the running for the title.

and us, the couch potato, eventhough we aint half as pretty as those creatures in bikinis, at least we dont have to live up to THOSE expectations *evil laughs*

and c'mon, you've got to agree how good it feels to just say it out loud "she is so fat, how did she get in?" or "god, she's so ugly, how did she get so far?"

because unlike you, they put themselves up for that scrutiny. and when they pick a super ugly evening wear, HEH HEH HEH HEH. all that figure, with no fashion sense, does not work wonders.

and then comes the questionnaire part, some just give the most bonkers of answers, you would tell god, 'put me there, i would have make so much more sense!'.

of course i have nothing against beauty pageant. i appreciate and command them for their effort in being where they were.

(although i think i would put up a good fight, only if i'm 10cm more than now :)

its just me, what i think of beauty pageant, and why it still stays till this very day.

a celebration to women indeed!

-kd-

i want to...

2010-06-18T16:27:00.003+08:00

I want to write to LeLove because its so interesting in there.

Sharing love stories, that people generally don't want to listen.

Either because they're not in love, or they're not heartbroken or they simply don't care about your love, since it is not their love.

LeLove, LeLove, LeLove.

But i haven't decide on which to write about. So many close to heart, but do not know which to share.

Have you gotten over the last love?

Letting Go

2010-06-18T02:33:00.001+08:00

LETTING GO TAKES LOVE

To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more
Remember: The time to love is short

- author unknown

new template! new template!

2010-06-18T01:39:00.000+08:00

yes. ive revamped the blog.
after much consideration of making a new blog, i decided against it.
ive got far too much memories being here, i'd like to keep it that way.
after all, i always have that issue of hard-to-let-go.

oh well, new skin, new fraction of life, new kind of randomness.

cheers to me! :)

A letter for you

2010-06-01T18:01:00.001+08:00

unavoidable law. super funnyeh.

2010-01-30T00:38:00.001+08:00

UNAVOIDABLE LAWS

1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you will have to pee.

2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of probability: The probability of ‘being watched’ is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning or soon thereafter, you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (Happens every time).

7. Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water or in the shower, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you do not want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Theater Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

12. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something, which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy’s Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness, color and cost of the carpet/rug.

15. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

16. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

17. Brown’s Law: If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.

18. Oliver’s Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

19. Wilson’s Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

:) good day

-khadi-

I am so rajin to blog these days!

2010-01-27T11:16:00.001+08:00

The 30 Most Satisfying Simple Pleasures Life Has to Offer

worldofpossibility:

Sleeping In on a Rainy Day – As the rain beats lightly against the window, you nestle your head deeper into your pillow. The sound is soothing and your bed feels like a sanctuary. There is no place you would rather be.
Finding Money You Didn’t Know You Had – You reach into your pocket and find a $20 bill from the last time you wore these jeans. You aren’t rich, but you are richer than you were a second earlier.
Making Brief Eye Contact with Someone of the Opposite Sex – You pass her on the street or in the subway. She glances up at you momentarily, making direct eye contact in a way that seems to communicate a subtle curiosity. For a split second it makes you think… and then it’s gone.
Skinny Dipping – There is something mysteriously liberating about being naked in a body of water. You are naked, but it feels natural, a sense of unrefined freedom.
Receiving a Real Letter or Package via Snail Mail – E-mail has become the primary source of written communication. Most snail mail these days is junk mail. When you check the mail and find a real letter or package from someone you know, excitement overtakes you as you tear into this rare gift.
Making the Yellow Light - It’s one of the most common simple pleasures, the act of beating the pack. As you blaze through the yellow light you glance in your rearview to see all the cars behind you stopping at the red light. Yes! You made it!
Telling a Funny or Interesting, True Story - One of the most enticing roles you lead in life is that of the storyteller. You love to share stories, especially those that will captivate your audience with deep curiosity and humor. There are few things more satisfying than telling a true story that others enjoy listening to.
Seeing a Friend Stumble Over Himself – As you walk across the street with your friend, he fails to accurately address the curb on the other side. He trips and stumbles around momentarily before regaining his footing, then swiftly attempts to play it off like nothing happened. This can be a hilarious sight if the moment is right.
Hearing the Right Song at the Right Moment - It doesn’t matter what the setting is, hearing the right song for that moment is one of those simple pleasures in life that instantly lifts your spirits. You could be driving home from work, hanging out at a bar with friends, or jogging. When the right song rattles your ear drums the entire meaning of life seems crystal clear.
The First Sip of a Beverage When You’re Thirsty – You just finished mowing the lawn or taking a long jog. The only thing on your mind is an ice-cold glass of water. When you are really, really thirsty, that first sip of any liquid beverage is sheer bliss.
Catching a Glimpse of Bare Skin on the Opposite Sex – For guys, it’s when the waitress bends over a little too far. For girls it’s seeing that buff guy in a Speedo. Either way, when you see a bit more skin than you were expecting on the opposite sex, you can’t help but to smirk on the inside.
Saying the Same Thing Simultaneously – There is a moment of silence. Then all of the sudden you and your friend blurt out the same exact set of words simultaneously. This rare occurrence is something to smile about.
The Pull-Through Parking Spot – You pull into a parking spot and are delighted to see the availability of the parking spot immediately in front of you. You pull through to the spot in front so that when you return to the car you can drive forward out of the parking spot. Why? Because driving backwards is a pain in the butt.
Realizing You Have More Time to Sleep – Something abruptly awakens you and you think it’s time to get up. Then you squint over at your alarm clock and realize you still have 2 more hours to sleep. A warm euphoric feeling shoots though your body as you glide gracefully back to your dreams.
People Watching – Sitting there on your bench you can see people in every direction. Tall people, small people, thin and plump. Blond, brunette, and redhead alike. Each of them has a different stride and a unique expression. As you drift from body to body you are mesmerized by what you see.
Putting On Clothes Straight from the Dryer – As soon as the dryer buzzes, you pull out your clothes and put them on. They feel soothingly warm on your skin and emit a fresh-scented aroma into the air. A sentiment of ease comes over you as you head out to conquer the day.
A Familiar Smell – You just pulled into your parent’s driveway and opened the car door. You haven’t been home in a long while. You smell familiarity in the air, the scent of a large pine tree in the neighbor’s yard. As you head through the front door, more familiar smells consume your senses. Gosh, it feels good to be home…
The Feeling You Get When Your Idea Works – You have been struggling to resolve a complex problem all day and you just can’t seem to get it right. Filled with frustration, you decide to exercise one last idea before calling it a night. You’ve had many ideas before that failed miserably… but this time it works.
Fresh, Clean Bed Sheets – You yank at the corner of the bedspread to create just enough space to slide your body under the freshly cleaned sheets. The sheets feel cool to the touch. Everything seems so clean, like nobody has ever slept in this bed before.
A Beautiful View – As the car veers around the side of the mountain you gaze out the passenger window. It’s a clear, sunny day and you can see the entire valley below filled with wild flowers and bright green vegetation. The scenery reminds you of something you once saw in National Geographic. But here it is live, right before your eyes.
Reminiscing About Old Times with Your Closest Friends – Pink Floyd once said “the memories of a man in his old age are the deeds of a man in his prime”. There is no simple pleasure more satisfying than recounting the greatest moments of your life with your closest friends who lived these moments alongside you.
Receiving an Unexpected Compliment – It’s been an average day. Nothing really great has happened, but nothing terrible occurred either. This monotonous day has put you in a dreary mood. Unexpectedly, an older, attractive lady taps you on the shoulder, calls you “handsome” and says she loves your shirt. The day just got a whole lot better.
Having a Good Laugh – Laughter is the greatest cure of all. Life is extraordinary in the moments when you are laughing so hard you can barely breathe. These moments of deep laughter are divine in the sense that they cleanse your mood and set your mind on a positive track.
The Feeling After a Healthy Workout - It’s a giddy feeling of self accomplishment; the one true activity that actually makes you feel better and look better simultaneously. When you walk out the front door of the gym you are on top of the world.
The Celebration in the Instant Something Makes Sense – Even now that it has explained to you for the third time, you just don’t understand how it works. Everyone else seems to understand but you. Then out of the blue the dots connect in your mind. You finally get it, and it feels great!
Relaxing Outdoors on a Sunny Day – As you relax sprawled out in a lawn chair, the sun warms your skin and a light breeze keeps the temperature comfortable. Birds are chirping merrily in the trees behind you. You are at complete peace with the environment.
Holding Hands with Someone You Love – Every time she grabs your hand you are overcome with an awareness of how much she means to you. Holding hands is sensual and physically intimate, yet subtle. There are few people you allow to hold your hand, so when it happens you can be sure that the moment is special.
Playing in the Water – Water marvels people of all ages. From jumping in puddles as a child, to doing cannon balls in the pool as an adolescent, to enjoying a cocktail in the Jacuzzi as an adult… water is enjoyable.
Making Someone Smile – You notice that your colleague has been under a great deal of stress with meeting a deadline, so you take it upon yourself to complete one of her indirect responsibilities for her. As soon as she realizes what you did, she comes into your office with a big smile on her face. “Thank you”, she says. You just hit two birds with one stone, because making her smile just made your day.
Finishing What You Started – You just finished up a big project you’ve been working on for the last few months, or maybe you just finished your first marathon… Either way, you finalized what you set out to accomplish. The feeling of self accomplishment you get when you finish what you started is by far one of the most rewarding simple pleasures life has to offer.

credits to happythings.tumblr :)
now, go do these happy stuffs !
-khadi-

of new year, adventourous beginning and a warning to be nice to ppl

2010-01-24T17:54:00.003+08:00

yes. the only reason as to why im here blogging is because im currently stuck in a hospital. been here the past two days, didnt tell many ppl anyway.
thought it'd be something that you dont tell ppl about.

been having an acute asthma attack in gombak, one of the series of unfortunate events due to lack of 'mommy factor'- well-prepared food, constant reminder and hawking over my lifestyles and also good dietary advices - i am what bib said born in'semi-bubble'.
never beign able to survive the cruel, tough, germ-infested world.
to quote arina, "you can survive MAX two mins in a jungle" and im even doubting that i can last that long.

of course this time around it sent panics to most people, particularly yours truly. because it is like a repeated performance of my nine-year-old-same-incident-got-admitted-to-the-hospital sort of it.

but im all good now. should be discharging by tomorrow morning. is been dreadfully boring here, with occasional small talks with nurses and my family being tied up at home with their stuffs.thankgod for once, i did not listen to arina to NOT bring the laptop. i would have CRIED out of boredom just as i was crying miserably walking around campus because i was feeling like a total shithead who cannot breathe on earth. irony, i know.

apart from this very boring experience, i like the MEDICINE thought. theyve got like super high tech drugs medicinie that i was not given access to. (mwahahahahahha!) and obviously the attentions. god good. never change. I ALWAYS love the attention. well, not really when at least 20 people go in and out of my room passing meds and whatnot.

but somehow, regardless of all that, i still think this is a good experience somehow. like a break. although most people wont put a break in this context. all day in bed, being attended to, having feeling the difficulties of being sick. i think it kinda bring back those valued that i forgotten just recently.

i stopped being nice to ppl since i get to gombak. well, i USED to be a generally very nice person (as most would describe) but i stopped bothering since i came to gombak. i stopped doing many things, and believing in many things. in simple term, the world turns very skeptical. and i dont do nice in skeptical world.

but being here, it makes me feel real good to be nice again. to strangers. if only strangers out there are as nice and as honest ans the strangers here. constant smiles, and you know they're honest enough. ti give a hand (and because theyre paid to do so) but nonetheless you know that theryre honest. i always have feeling about this kind of stuffs.

being here makes me appreciate myself and my health so much more on a higher level (although now im feeling super guilty for 3 meals of rice and MINIMUM movement apart from going to the loo and picking up my meal trays).
more importantly, this, shows me who the real friends are. the real people that truly loves me. in whatever trantrum, lackadaisical, or anooying ignorant selfish way ive behaved. (or behaves, OCCASIONALLY).

maybe its a god's signal from far above, to tell me, its a new year, new beginning, and to forgive and open up my heart again.

but, lets just hope we wont get our hearts crushed after this :)

-getting better now-

this is for those who gave up.

2010-01-16T23:01:00.002+08:00

HANDBOOK 2010

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
4. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray and read your Bible daily.
6. Play more games .
7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don’t over do it. Keep your limits.
14. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree…

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least:
40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about, I just did.

well i wanted to

2009-12-27T00:09:00.001+08:00

well i wanted to blog, but then by the time i got to the page, i was too lazy already.
oh well. tgk la if i would blog tomorrow.
*grins*

its 5am

2009-12-04T04:55:00.002+08:00

sucky part is ive been trying to sleep since 2am.
yes because i wanted to wake up early tomorrow, do some reading and go to UM, moral support for debate tourney.
sebenarnya, saje je nak menyemak. nak tgk bib.
tapi klu dia taknak tgk saya, saya tgk kawan2 saya yg laen.
hmmph.

this is depressing.
nothing bugs me more than not being able to sleep.
becos i believe the best remedy to world's problems would be sleep.
its like sleep solves everything.

love problem, sleep. you'll feel better when you wake up.
stressed, sleep. you'll wake up not stressed.
worn out, sleep. wake up refreshed.
pissed off or angry, sleep. you'll wake up calm.
hungy, sleep it off. you'll wake up totally forgetting the hunger.

if the solution fails, continue doing so till the solution works.
works like wonders.
tested and proven to work.
heh heh heh.

only problem now,
i was pissed 4 hrs ago, but i was so pissed i cant even sleep now.
so i had to do what a woman has to do when none of her loved ones are awake to entertain her.
To walk down the memory lane.

bitter sweet memory lane.
brought some heart aches, heart flutters, and lotsa smile.
also a strong sense of longing.
longing for a particular company.

holiday's soon to be over.
and i'm missing home already.

xoxo,
kdee.

really wanted a new start

2009-12-01T02:05:00.002+08:00

i decided to go back down to basic template.
partially because my cousin whos the frequent visitor of this blog referred to me on the laggy-ness of the uploading of this blog.
and partially because i thought i needed a new beginning.

whats been up with me?
im at my last week of semester break.
yes. im finally done with my first semester of my first year as undergraduate (STREOTYPICAL!).
im glad its over and done with, and i can sweep it right under the carpet, until further 'discovery' shall be made by yours truly or by other people, MUCH MUCH later in the future.

altho i have to say i am majorly freaking out on my result which is on the way in a few days time. HORRIFYING, just to even think about it.
no repeats, the least i could hope for.

ive been fairly excited about starting a new semester.
because my absolute best friend is FINALLY coming in to gombak. semester 1 was definitely TASTELESS without her.
to quote her, "now you have THREE friends, rather than the usual two".
that sucker. ohgod, but love her nonetheless.

ive been absolutely psyched having her around. now i could have my constant companion back on track.
me and bib been missing her a lot, and so is awenah. babe, you have no idea how much we miss you.

next semester would mean a lot of mischievous plans up the sleeves (against bib and with bib) but also it would mean a challenge for the both of us. godknows what await for us.

things have definitely changed since i came to gombak.
i am definitely a new person since i came to gombak, and consequences are not longer the same, neither is the situation.
but being the VERY FLEXIBLE and 'go-with-the-flow' sorta of person we are, i guess what we do is cherish the moment and fingers crossed things would work out.

ive been doing pretty serious readings too these past few days.
BBC, The Economist and The Future of Freedom by Fareed Zakaria.
Nothing interesting. so meekly bleak. or subtlely BORRINNGG!!!
but ive been making mental note to improve on my debate ever since i failed to get selected for royals.

altho i am enjoying my time laughing my ass off at those suckers in campus having 12 hours training for tourneys, i still cant help the feeling that i am missing out on such a big chunk of knowledge. probably not fun, but the attention that you get for being selected, i want that!
yes. i WILL whine about the taxing hours, and the agony of going through mountains of arguments, debating till you go mindless (or brain dead as awenah woud say) but i still want that. i have a deeply rooted passion for debate. something i have passion for, beyond the obligation of debating as a prerequisite of my relationship commitment.

ive also been working out too. its only been two days, of course theres no weight loss just yet, but im being very patient about it. ive let myself go the whole semester, now im paying the price of letting go. its pretty amazing come to think of it, on how 5 kgs that you took 6 months to shed off came back in two months. oh life is very unfair indeed.

ive also done refining activities onto my life, basically improvements on making my life better. like paying more attention to myself, making mental notes and future plans for the upcoming 4 months or so.

i somehow find this urge to really just start fresh, be better than me 6 months ago.

i also have been thinking a lot about things, serious things.
Things that i have swept under the rug and pray the dust bunny wont grow.
Those kind of stuffs. Re-evaluating.
Which is pretty scary.
Because they keep me awake at night.
Like right now, when the clock is showing 2.22 am.

Daryl's leaving pretty soon too.
In less than a month.
Although i have to say, come to think of it,
it almost felt like a roller coaster. its been a year plus behind us,
but we've been through many points of life, individually, sadly not together.
and it'd be more life checkpoints in the future, only this time, thousands of miles away.
i am definitely going to have trouble finding him whenever the missing you mode strikes.

ive approved Pow from facebook.
pow is one of the very first friends i have when i started my foundation.
i hated her guts, as much as i hated arina's.
but you know how hate-turns-love, yeah, that happened, with both of them.
she had to go after such a short period of time being our friends, and we've been out of touch since then.
i know we would rock the world, the three of us.
but if she didnt go away, i wouldnt be where i am now.
being happily in love and satisfied at where i am.

many things that has happened the whole of this year that really took a big hit on arina and i.
theres so much misfortunes happening, it hurt and it ALMOST killed us.
but we came out much stronger, much wiser, much much more thankful for life.
one thing lead to another, so many external forces, names being cut off the list, friends of whom we no longer talk to, trust being lost along the way and hearts being broken in the process.

but one thing is true, there is indeed silver lining in everything.
and we are the living proof of that statement.

ive got wednesday planned to check out the book fair in amcorp mall
and tuesday's tea with iona. just the two of us.
it would do us good, i havent been bonding with her much these days.

now i have to go back to my Economist *dies*

p.s : and i stalked someone's blog!

xoxo,
kdee.

this is it

2009-11-03T20:09:00.001+08:00

THIS IS IT.
the finals are starting tomorrow.
and i am doing EVERYTHING but studying.
guess i need tonnes and tonnes of g'luck.

should be freaking out. but am not quite yet.
should i be worried?

one thing i hate

2009-10-20T00:56:00.002+08:00

one thing i hate when i walk is,
to have a freaking herd of women BREEZE WALKING in front on me.

yes. ive phrased it correctly.
so far, ive managed to duck the existance of this particular species of human in my campus, for numerous times.
only several unlucky times got me stuck moving at glacial pace because these bloody freaking no-sense-of-time-appreciation women do not have the freaking manner to freaking not block the freaking pathway (which is not big to begin with; and especially when its going up the hill, where if you are anywhere but on the pathway, you'll die of tragic death due to falling from the hill or have your head hit on the number of rocks surrounding you) and give way for OTHER PEOPLE who are IN A HURRY TO GO BACK TO HER ROOM BECAUSE ITS HOT LIKE F**K and in a hurry.
ugh.

im filled with anger. most definitely.
i actually took 15 mins walk TAILGATING them;when the usual distance would take me 5-8mins. and i eavesdrop. TOO BAD LA SUCKERS! siapa suruh macam bangang lambat?

and they gave ME the dirty look for eavesdropping.
well, too bad. if you would have a tad bit of manner to begin with, after probably the 5th minute of me TAILGATING you, you would have CLEARED some SPACE for me to pass.
i dont need that bloody much space to pass okay?

EVERY SINGLE TIME I wanna overtake them, EVERY SINGLE TIME,
they either ignored the existance of me,
or they gave a space for like 5secs before blocking the WHOLE FREAKING PATHWAY TO THEMSELVES.
wth la.
and guess how many people was it?
THREE!! THREE!!! ARRRGGHHHH!!!!

either UIA needs to create a bigger pathway,
or these girls are fat.
yes, im saying it.
THESE. GIRLS. ARE. FAT.

god im pissed.

2009-10-18T20:00:00.002+08:00

im finally done with selections.
i sucked. real bad.
but im just glad its over and done with.

off to next year's selections then! :)

in the essence of debating

2009-10-13T14:14:00.003+08:00

ive made a point to update this blog as frequent as possible,
judging from the fact that im pretty much free and bored at this hour.

its been a very long weekend last weekend.
ive been to a debate tournament that got delayed 4 hours, and then another 1 and a half hour after the motion being released, stretching to us having 3 rounds of debate until 10.30pm.

yes. i was tired. i was cranky. and i was jumpy. and i was ruthless.
so thirst for that feeling of going into quarter finals, my mind was set to one thing, "ill do anything, ANYTHING to have that feeling".

of course things didnt go well when we believed it should have, thanks to amateur judges and also bad justifications.
those who SHOULD HAVE+COULD have gone into quarter finals, didnt get too.
i guess its true at the end of the day, "either you get into quarter finals, or you don't".

if you're good, you're good. if you're not, then too bad.
ahhh..very vicious world.

i had a terrible breakdown too yesterday, being so upset on how the decision of the last round turned out to be. because it was either me going in or not.
its so close you could smell it, and then someone come passes by and fart into your face. thus the smell is gone.
oh well, next tournament then.

on a fairly out-of-the-debate-talk note,
i've got two mid sem exams this week. a quiz tomorrow and debate selections this weekend.
i've been killing myself missing home and friends and leisure because of THIS selection, so im really rooting on doing very well.
i've been loading my brain with FACTS, MATTER AND MORE FACTS.
which is obviously not enough.

you know when it is enough when you start having dreams about the facts you read, and your mind subconsciously analyze the arguments while you're walking on a fine, relaxing afternoon going back to class, simply because you have nothing else to think.
bad. i know :)

what else? hmmm i just got my period yesterday.
which comes along with the crappiest, most painful period pain, EVER.
it was so painful i wanted to slap bib on the face for asking "sayang, are you alright?"
i mean like, REALLY, do i look alright?
it got slightly better after a menstrual panadol, 6 hours of sleep and 4 hours on the phone with arina.
and more sleep today.
in fact i just woke up from my sleep.
haih. i love sleeping.

my uncle passed away yesterday. something about the blood vessel in his brain exploded or such, twas on life support and they took off the plug.
im missing out on his funeral because mom and dad are going today. i cant come because i got classes.
and i didnt wanna trouble them.

this weekend, we're having some sort of kenduri for my granddad's 40 days' since he passed away, which i am going to miss too, because of selections.

im making a lot of sacrifices for debate, i believe i should get somewhere in debate.
a lot of sacrifices, and not really getting anywhere sucks.

and yinxian, i miss you too. very much.
god i miss just purely hanging out with my friends.
i saw iona last weekend for exactly half an hour, and even then i didnt get to talk much because we went to haziqah's open house.

oh well. some things have to be forgone to obtain other things.
opportunity cost. so principle of microeconomics.

and its been almost 3 to 4 months since i started the semester,
3 months since i signed an agreement for my scholarship,
2 months since the closing date to submit my scholarship.
one question : where is my scholarship money?

ive not seen, heard or smell my scholarship money in this short period of time,
kinda make me wonder if they're just scamming us into signing an agreement, so they can have fresh undergraduates like us working for them in the peak 6-7 years of my working life.
Does anyone know when JPA will be giving me my scholarship money?

oh well oh well.

enuff ranting for today. g'day everyone!

The Inevitable Lazy Blogger is Back

2009-10-07T20:27:00.003+08:00

What have i done so far?

I have been successfully missing from the blogging world, ULTIMATELY, only to come and update every one (or two) months.
I have also secretly blog-hops and a pretty frequent visitor of my best friends' blog.

I got myself a new skin. something livelier. I thought the last one was ugly, and the box doesnt fit. i mean like seriously, whatthehell la.aiyoh.

I havent been updating because, i havent been inspired, too busy or too lazy.
and half the time im inspired, im either a) fighting with bib, b)walking alone back or to classes, c)when i have sleepless night. (not often, but there have been days like that)

ive been absolutely kicked out of the social world because i am incompetent of being in there anymore.
i cant even carry a decent conversation, and ive long given up on making friends here. like LITERALLY. im nice, i smile. but never making it a point to make friends.
which results in me having exactly TWO people to hang out with in Gombak. Bib or Awenah.
or i'll be in my room, sleeping. like today.
where ive successfully slept since 2 pm till 6.45pm because i was out from 8.50am on tuesday till 12.45 am the next day because of classes and debate.

yes. told you i've got no time to make friends.

what happened this week?
the last weekend was a total disaster because my world was muted down, for yours truly lost her voice. she was only competent of mere whispering, and only texting. no phone calls CAN be taken during the weekend.
ugh.

the condition lasts up till today,although i am much better now, i cant help but to feel choked EVERY SINGLE time i sleep.i'll choke, and then start coughing for the next 15 mins. odd. tell me about it.
my medicine is out, so ive got to restock.

ive also did an EXTENSIVE research on Lisbon Treaty, to a point that i was subconsciously analysing Lisbon Treaty in my dream.
not to mention the series of nightmares ive been having the past few days.

i missed a visit to see my best friend before she's back from Penang, because i was stuck in Finance trying to settle the problem of University's incompetency in clearing my unsettled tuition fees thus resulting me to not being able to register for next semester when I FRIGGIN PAID THE FRIGGIN FEES BEFORE THE CLOSING DATE, WITH CHEQUE. ugh. bangang.
and the result to University's incompetency, i missed my one and only chance to see arina for the first time since the past one month plus and the next two months plus. and also having 3 out of 6 classes that i want to register for closed, because EVERYONE ELSE FREAKIN REGISTERED FOR IT ALREADY AND NOW ITS FULL.

ive got acc quiz today, which sucked because i know shit about LIFO and FIFO. well i did, but i forgot. so yeah.

and ive got stats exam tomorrow, and currently in DESPERATE need for enlightment because i know shits about stats too.
and then after a row of classes that last till 5pm, ive got debate training after that. which i havent done the assignment and research for.gasp.

and on friday, ive got replacement class after friday prayers, and some group discussion or some sort and last minute cramming for saturday's tournament.

god. i need a break. i need to go home. i need home. i need my best friends.
aiyaiyaiyai.

whoops!

2009-08-28T12:16:00.001+08:00

i think i accidentally pissed arina off.
and she's too angry to talk to me.

i think im having gastric because of the frequent stomach ache.

i think im becoming very selfish these days.

i think im not nice anymore.

i think a good baskin robbins ice cream would do me good.

i think that i need more sleep.

i think that my friends in klang are going to be so pissed when they know im not coming back anytime soon.

i think a good hefty sum of money would do me good, at this time, OR ANY TIME *grins*

i think im just plain lazy.

and btw, someone died in UIA. drown in swimming pool. hope he did rest in peace. Al-Fatihah.

p.s : i got talentime in my laptop! *jumps around*

my week

2009-07-26T00:07:00.003+08:00

so apparently i think my laptop has crashed. like dead crashed crashed.
i shall be blaming my brother's hard drive for his stupid virus-infested hard drive.
babi btol. everything went crashing down, and BOOM. now everything stopped working.
so im dumping this laptop at home, or rather leave it to nurse, to my dad's friend who does this funky computer stuffs.
so that means that off the laptop for the next one or two weeks or so.
i'll try to conquer someone else's laptop i.e habib's or something.
but again, IM ALWAYS REACHABLE via handphones.

so how was this week?
it wasnt absolutely stunning. pretty sucky i have to say lah.
to start with, i have exactly 3 pimples on my right cheek, which i successfully popped because they're there, right on my face, and i cant stand staring at them.
but since i popped them, to quote Arinah, now "they're staring into EVERYONE's face" because its so OBVIOUS, its like depressing.

ive been tired, moody and bitchy almost half of the week.
because the week sucks.
to start with, the movie 'Obsessed' was really good, but fucked up your mind like really bad. like really really bad. especially if you watch it with your boyfriend.
and to think how fucked up it is, its like this guy is married to Beyonce, and he ALMOST cheated on Beyonce. I mean, HELLO! its BEYONCE. whoever cheats on Beyonce?

and then my second day, was just fucking fucked up. i mean waking up early in the morning+sucky sleep at nite+the worst 'visit of the month'+walking around campus with 5 bloody thick-ass textbooks+finding out that you got a scholarship that bonds you to the govt for SIX YEARS. yes. that basically sums up my second day.

then i also, not to forget, dented mr.boyfriend's car. only a bit, but he's NEVER letting go of this, because it happened right in front of his eyes.

see? i told you. i just tend to get into trouble, a whole lot of it.

3rd day, quality sleep. 8pm till 4am. awesome gile.
4th day, more quality sleep. 8pm till 7 am. mwahahhahahahaa! i woke up a very contented soul. :)

god, i love sleeping.

friday, boring, altho we ate at this really nice place, "Charms" at OU, which is not bad. twas fun lah. not that expensive either.
but eating at "Charms" and watching 'Jeepers Creepers' is not exactly the finest dining experience one can get.
I cannot stand 'Jeepers Creepers' lah. Very scary. my heart was still beating as if its gonna come off anytime, HALF AN HOUR LATER.

and i have touch'n'go. *dances around productively*

and today, i went to see Iona because she's sick. which she doesnt look like,when i came to see her.
we ended up doing random stuffs i.e going through her closets, talking about gays and transvestites and watching gay clips on youtube. Oh, and coming up with theories on being gays. Habib joined us for like 15 mins, through the phone, bitching about gays too. He's not bad of a bitching partner la sometimes.

and then i went to see malik, whom ive not seen for close to two months already, only for a whilw because i went to buy baju raya!

im so excited about this year's raya, and i have no idea why.
and my baju raya is SO PRETTY!!!! *beaming with happiness*

i might be doing extensive hari raya shopping tomorrow,
and ive got two quizzes next week *dies*

and and and, im not coming back next weekend *depressed mode* because i have debate tournament in campus. which pretty much sucks la, since i was forced to debate by you-know-who, with threats and all.

but but but, you are indeed welcomed to check out our WOMEN DEBATE TOURNAMENT. yes, all women, SPEAKING. and ARGUING. haih. its gonna be loud, fun and, ALL GIRLY MOMENTS. yes. im debating with arinah.

oh well *twirls around*

Signing Out,
kdeeeeeeee!!!

this is me, third week in gombak

2009-07-19T23:46:00.002+08:00

im sorry for disappearing the past two weeks.to be honest, ive been VERY distracted, busy, sleepy and tired, to update my blog.
ive survived a full two weeks without going home, ALMOST breaking down and wanting to come home because i miss home. which sucks la, because im like 19 now, and still wanting to go home.

ive been fairly good, although i think im slightly chubbier + tanner than before due to the walking under the sun + eating to make up for walking under the sun.

taaruf week (basically an orientation week, in arabic lah, since we're ISLAMIC university aite) was awesome. because its only 3 days, rather than the usual 5 days. which is totally laughable and enjoyable because other batchs have to suck up to 5 days of slow painful death. and thats me being nice.

apparently the taaruf week is cut short because 40% of the students in my intake are foreigners (yes, ladies, we are talking about HOT potential FOREIGN boyfriends, and also not to forget EXTREMELY hot foreign girls. times like this make you wish you were a lesbian, so you wouldnt feel ever so threathen by their presence. i mean seriously, do you guys know the pressure of looking pretty to class with all these beautiful people? PRESSURE WEI!) and i SORTA slept through half of the programmes in the taaruf week *innocent eyes* WHAT? it was boring.

it is really like a slow painful death. waking up every morning at 6am and only coming back to the room at 7pm at night, plus getting lost and lining up for food, and dealing with stupid girls travelling in HERDS (like cows. bloody girls i tell you. TEN PEOPLE IN A BLOODY GROUP! how the fuck do you travel?) and blocking ways that you are SO CLOSE to push them all down the hill, so they could all roll in numbers (WOOOHOOO!!) and die.

and to add to the whole thing, we have nonsensical briefings, about air force, police force, TUPPERWARE (yes, i am not joking) and leadership skills. god. i dont need briefings on any of that. SERIOUSLY.

im glad the taaruf week was over.
then me+habib met his sister. like an official-lets-meet-up-the-family sorta thing. so far so good, so im sorta binded to him+family now. LOL. will tell later.

First week of classes, TIRING. i come back every evening cursing ALL THE WAY BACK to my room because, my faculty is GAZILLION MILES AWAY, and i got lost a few times in my own faculty + my block is at the back of the hostel + i stay on the FIFTH FLOOR.

everything is generally very far from everything. its like you either get lost, or too tired, you just want to sit somewhere and not move anywhere. just sit there. i have yet to try that, but i might just in the coming few weeks.

my classes start as early as 8.30am but since i tend to suck at directions, and the faculty is FUCKING FAR, i leave as early as 8 am. which causes me to wake up at 7.30 am to get ready, and i only sleep at midnite. so imagine how cranky i get waking up EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY like that. god i miss sleeping in.

lecturers are fun, i think. ive yet to go through the classes (or fully pay attention in class) so i shall not comment on that, just YET. hehehehhee!

but on a much brighter side, im free on FRIDAY *dances around* so i sleep in on that day and then go home to sleep some more, although im trying to break the habit and spend my friday morning productively by sitting in the super-huge-and-awesome-library-the-kind-that-you-can-get-lost-in and study productively before i go home to hibernate PRODUCTIVELY.

henceforth, if ANYONE *hint hint* wants to hang out with me on friday, OR saturday, OR sunday, feel free to text, although i usually keep sunday for family (and sleeping in)

last weekend i was home, but i decided to not go out anywhere, which is absolute failure since i was out on saturday night till sunday afternoon.

kak diba (habib's sister) just finished chambering (to IONA : basically like a practical for lawyer la. you have to do a few years of lawyer stuffs before they call you to high court and wear a robe over you and tell you "Now you're officially one of us, you're now a certified lawyer" sort of thing la. something like that, since i also miss the ceremony. haha!) so her best friend organised a BBQ party for kak diba in bangi. but then since i missed the morning ceremony thingy, she insisted on me coming for the BBQ party (told ya i feel like family now) and i SORTA bonded with everyone - kak diba's best friends, extended family, debate family, habib's friends, etc (or forced into since i had to sleep over since no one is sending me back that night). i survived the night, although everyone was absolutely CHARMING and FUNNY. I like these people, its just that theyre very new to me, and you all know how much i hate making new friends and talking to strangers.

but everything twas good and all. i had fun, and good food, and awesome company.
(and they all said I looked PRETTY and IM NICE and they all LOVE ME! yay! *narcissistic moment*)

and now im in gombak, again, after a detour to my uncle's house to see my nephew. im getting another one (gender, UNKNOWN, yet) in two weeks time.

and ive got class tomorrow at 8.30am again.
ugh.

i ought to head to bed then. and please, darlings, keep me updated.we need to hang out lahhhh.
p.s : this time around, ill try to not bring habib okay? *grins*

Signing Out,
yes. i am very much happy. and missing you alot.

This is it

2009-07-06T16:27:00.002+08:00

This is it. My last day at home.its 4.35pm now, and ive not start packing ANYTHING YET.
yeap. I DONT WANT TO GO TO GOMBAK!!!

Im just dreading the whole moving out of the house idea. I got so comfortable at home the past one month and a half, and now i have to move out of the house, AGAIN.

i'll be off early tomorrow morning, with dad, probably mom too, but we're not sure whats the plan for now. and i wont be bringing my laptop, just to make sure that i dont end up in the same room with random psychopath trying to steal my possessions, and when everything is fine, AND SAFE, i shall bring the laptop.

there will be a long week of orientation this week, lasting till saturday (UGH!) and if im not too lazy or too tired to function, i might crawl my back back home.

about the same time last year, i had the same emotion about my foundation. i hated it, for the first half of the semester, wanting to get over and done with the whole bloody thing and coming back home every weekend.

however i have successfully adapted to the quirkiness of UIA and i have found astonishing friends with a hell lot of dramas (and fame). I wouldn't say i'd do it all over again, but im glad i did it anyway.

now i left nilai with a fairly well established reputation, a really awesome best friend, good love life, and CGPA good enough to secure me a scholarship.

i have this deep feeling that gombak isnt going to be the same as nilai, not since my bestfriend is not coming this semester, resorting me to finding new friends, which i diligently ignore and sticking to my plan of staying with the old friends, and a lone wolf (HAHA!) should i have trouble finding friends. and coming back home often. or just hang out with Prince. whichever lah.

im not looking forward, neither am i looking this with an optimistic eyes,
but hey, lets just take a deep breath, swallow that saliva and brace it through.
I'll survive. or so i hope.
at least, new start, new life.

so, gombak. here i come.

p.s : im reachable via texts or phone calls to my mobile phones.

babes, wish me luck!

Signing Off,
God, my hair is falling, like A LOT.

The Author on 'Mom'

2009-07-02T01:32:00.005+08:00

its gonna be soon before my holiday ends. i've already got a few stuffs pending on my to-do-list, especially this weekend since it is the LAST weekend home. or the last official do-nothing-but-to-sleep-at-home weekend i'll be getting for, what my heart says, a LONG time.

and truthfully speaking, i'm missing home already.
i'm missing everyone already.
and i'm missing Mom+Dad+siblings already.

I never really did come across the idea of me being a 'home person',
Because half the time I'm out,
Or wanting to go out of the house.
But these days, even when i'm out, I cant wait to get home.
I guess its the feeling that home offers that makes me yearn to come back to it.

I could count the number of days i'm out with my friends this holiday.
Partially because i'm not that much on a stable financial status,
But i dont mind. I just like lazing around at home.

I like to observe what Mom daily does. She'll wake up as early as 5.40 am, before anyone in the house, or probably stumbles upon Sarah - decided to have her insomniac night or simply falling asleep in front of the tv - and getting everyone ready, all out of the house by 8am. She'll sweep the floor, hang the clothes, and clean the house, all spick and span by 9.30am. She'll probably be eating breakfast, baking or preparing lunch for her children until 10am, then driving out to pick up the smallest one in the family - the warmest, friendliest one, mind you- from his religion school.

And then I could hear noises from downstairs, as everyone starts screaming, and talking, in a manner only a family does, with Mom making the smallest one eats his lunch, the other brother and his quiet yet full of attitude manner and my youngest sister, with one of her antics.
And again at 12.30pm, she's out sending everyone to school. If my sister's in mood to come back early, i could see Mom driving out to pick her as early as 2.30pm, but most of the time its later in the evening.

She'll meet me downstairs at around 2pm, as i hover around the kitchen for food - we never run out of it in the house - and tell me whatever edible at home. Which is a lot of stuffs. She'll have her afternoon nap, right after ironing her family's clothes - working clothes of dad, school uniforms of my siblings - and after picking those dried clothes. She'll be up at around 4.30 pm and off she's cooking for dinner. I always come down at around that hour, because I'm partially bored since 2.30 pm, and usually i'd be thirsty by then. But my small heart tells me that I'm down because I like to see her preparing dinner. I always, always offer to help, but she'll politely decline before resuming to her territory - her kitchen.

She's always that excellent cook + baker. My dad adores her, and her cookings. She, on the other hand, is always impressing. And god, everytime she nails it on the spot.

Dad would come back by 7pm, together with everyone else, and then it's time for dinner. She's always eating dinner with Dad, waiting for him to return from prayers, so that he wont eat alone. I dont usually eat with them, because i think in a way, its their time. because then, you could hear small chatters about dad's day at work, and mom, about, uh, her children. its always about her children.

i've always wanted to sit down and properly talk to mom. we've never really did hit it off well, not since the recent years. i guess, i grew up, and she became more understanding.

i could remember so vividly, every single time i'm home after a whole week being in campus, i'd come and sit down in the kitchen, simply because i wanted to talk to mom about it.
i would then chatter away, for the next half an hour - or more, usually more - and just chatting about campus. i like those times. because i share whatever - almost whatever - on my mind.

i'd like to one day, sit down and properly talk to her, like a friend to another friend, the differences are that this friend is wiser, smarter, more experienced, and most importantly, she's my mom. My one and only mom.

I love you, Mom.

Signing Off,
Kakak

Taggie

2009-06-26T15:52:00.003+08:00

Iona was right. im definitely bored. and too broke to go out anywhere. seriously.

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player must answer the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the game the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and ask them to play and read your blog.

Starting time: 4.23pm

Name: Khadijah
Sisters: too annoying, but i love them
Brothers: cute and adorable, but cannot spend too much time around them
Shoe Size: 7 or 8
Height: 170cm. i like to believe im that tall.
Where do you live: Klang
Favorite drinks: ICE CREAM!
Favorite breakfast: ice cream. altho i constantly remind myself not to start EVERYDAY with ice cream

Have you ever been on a plane? : yep yep.
Fallen asleep in school? : one of those times when i say "SCREW YOU REPUTATION! IM SLEEPY!"
Broken someone's heart : did, but not proud of it
Fell of your chair: i shall not disclose such information.
Sat by the phone and waiting for someone to call: yeah. definitely. although i usually choose tom lie in bed waiting for the phone call
What is your room like: dark, comfortable, very condusive for sleeping at any point of the day.
What's right beside you? : another desktop computer
What is the last thing you ate: fried CHICCCKKEEENNNN!!!!

Ever had
Chicken Pox: yes. altho mine was a mild one. hehehehe~
Sore throat: when i stop talking a lot.
Stitches: none so far.
Broken nose: you touch my nose, i'll break yours. *evil grin*

Do you
Believe in love at first sight: never witness it, but i believe it
Like picnics: yes. when its not too hot.
Who was, were the last person; you danced with : NO ONE WANTS TO DANCE WITH ME!
Last made you smile : myself. *grins*
You last yelled at : The car in front that drove like a bloody moron

Today did you
Talk to someone you like : yesyes. i talk to alot of people i like, EVERYDAY.
Kissed anyone : no. no one to kiss *goes on a kissing rampage*
Get sick : nope
Talk to an ex : not today.
Miss someone : miss alot of people actually.
Eat : who doesnt?
Best feeling in the world : nope
Do you sleep with stuffed animal: nope. my mind got too influenced by Chucky, i stopped sleeping with any doll by 6 yrs old.
What's under your bed: enough space in case if you want to hide under my bed
Who do you really hate: a few people. particularly that bastard ex of arina. top of my hate list.

What time is it now: 4.32PM
5 things i were doing 10 years ago
1. got into a new school
2. thought that my family friend is a very odd person
3. became teacher's pet
4. hated math (oh wait. i still do)
5. never bothered fitting in.

5 things on my to-do list today.
1. sleep
2. read (or at least try) The Economist
3. read my book
4. decide what to wear tomorrow.
5. bath

5 snacks I enjoy
1. ice cream
2. ice cream
3. ice cream
4. chocolate
5. toffee + cookies

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire
1. create an emergency fund. i always overspend.
2. SHOPPING!
3. buy presents for people.
4. make up for the outings i bailed out on because im broke
5. makes myself PRETTY! *drools*

5 of my bad habits
1. i annoy people
2. cannot shut up
3. cannot stop scratching my head and my nose
4. very expressive hand gestures
5. sleeping. A LOT.

5 places I have lived in
1. home in ulu klang
2.home in cheras
3.home in taman palm grove
4. home in taman alam shah
5. nilai. UGH.

5 people I'm tagging are
1) Sarah
2) Suzanne
3) Zaty
4)Aisha
5) B'nie

a fresh start

2009-06-25T01:58:00.002+08:00

i guess it is indeed a fresh start. i've changed my blogskin. finally settling with something so simple and subtle. something i've been looking for the past one month plus. probably because i havent been looking hard enough. but thank god now i found one that i like. altho pardon me that the box at the side is pretty messed up and all.

its been ages since this blog is touched or visited. i guess people kinda forgot the existance of it, somehow. alot has happened from the last time i blogged till this post.

i wanted to change the blogskin to suit the new life im about to start. my foundation finished just a month plus ago, and it didnt have that stunning ending i kinda hope it has. well except for that i did FAIRLY well at my graduating cgpa, good enough to secure me a scholarship and i found 3 people that i truly, absolutely, undoubtedly love to keep close in my life. but other than that, everything else pretty much shucks. as i expected.

but i shall not be dwelling too much on that.
i've not been up and about this holiday, partially because of financial status thats not seemingly bright, and because ive been lazy.VERY LAZY.
my holiday is indeed ending in a week's time, not counting this week and then i'll be off to gombak. altho without the loved one, arina.
i know somehow without her in gombak, things wont be the same, i wont be having so much fun, but i have habib and arinah to keep the light all perked up and HAPPY!

ive got a lot to talk about actually, but i kinda forgot what by now.
so i guess this is it for now. until i come and blog again tomorrow lah. or the day after tomorrow.

and transformer's out! im gonna watch with DADDYH. heehhehehehe!
*big grin*

All joys and fun (not really),
Kd.

I shall not post

2009-05-19T23:48:00.001+08:00

I shall not post until i found myself a cuter, less depressing, more lively blogskin.
Thankyouverymuch.

And yes. I am free atlast!
Ask me out, PLEEEEAASSSSEEE!!!!! *begs*

Signing Out,
Khadi hasnt bath yet.

Bitchier than Thou

2009-04-21T21:20:00.002+08:00

gosh. do anyone even remember the last time this blog is updated?
probably it felt like ages to some, definitely it is to me.
i've been so empty, hollow (figuratively) and simply busy because of stuffs here in Nilai.

despite of having only 12 hours of lectures this semester,
I still could not find the time to juggle everything and everyone around.
with recent additions and subtractions in life, i guess the sorting is the painful one.
sorting up life after those changes.

ive been very well trained in the bitchy area these days.
coming up with absolutely mean and rude things to say.
which is bad. but entertaining nevertheless.
probably its the crowd ive been hanging out with, that i should be blaming for.
stunning and amazing crowd nevertheless.

what have i been up and about with the past few weeks and in the upcoming weeks?

i've been dealing with my very own triangular drama which involved people CLOSE to beating up the other person, a hell lot of screaming + crying sessions, going emotional and bitchy.
i've also been busy dealing with my very own personal life + crowd of friends, whom, I shamefully say that i have lost touch with. yes, the close ones. don't even get me started on the not-so-close ones.
i'm so sorry.
and then the drama between the ex and the very awkward outing that i shall not talk about, unless if you were there. one word : very awkward.

i've only been home for a day last weekend. because i'm in the middle of my mid sem exam.
another paper's coming up in two days time. which is like freaking me out.
because it's math, and me. math + kd = BAD!
its like proven over and over and over again that i am just bad in add math.
i panicked in my 2nd quiz, which i know by heart by then, therefore resulting in me sucking in my quiz.
somehow, dy/dx, chain rule and all these very confusing and horrifying functions just bring the worst out of me.
so i'm freaking out (while facebook-ing + blogging) NOW!

as for this weekend, i'm not coming home because i've got MUET (eek!) which i know shits about, therefore i'm doomed.
i mean, FIVE hours of exam? that's like definite brain killer.
and to add to the painful fact, we dont have transport to take MUET in Kajang because i just had to be involved in the whole triangular drama, thus resulting to me losing a friend + a transportation to MUET.
But that shall be KIV-ed for further notice.

as for sunday, i'd be in Gombak for this inter-school debating championship as one of the adjudicators.
hahahahaha! judging kiddies. which is like so HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! *points finger*
it'd be like ol' times when Lorna, sha, b'nie, daryl and i debated in school.
very good walk down the memory lane.

i've been skipping trainings for the past 2 weeks already,
so i think my debating skill would probably suck really bad by now. but oh well!

as for next monday and tuesday, i have to memorize FIFTEEN Quranic verses, as part of the assignment for my religion studies subject.
So far : FIVE verses.

And today, on the 21st of April, is Daryl's birthday.
It's been a truly up and down roller coaster ride for both of us, the whole of last year.
Things went really sour, and then reallyt sweet, that by now, both of us are just taking it as it is.
But this one guy, is the one guy I truly cherish and enjoy having in my life. Whatever may happen or had happened between us.
It is complicated, but he's one really enjoyable company to have.
Both loud, both boisterous, both awesome people.

Therefore, cheers to Daryl, happy birthday dude, in case if you're reading my blog.
It's been great being your friend, and more of a friend, to a point of my life.
I'm just grateful we met somewhere along the line.
I wish you well, and I wish you the best.
In the upcoming events and people into your life.

I haven't truly got the chance to say I am terribly sorry for coming to Fruity an hour later than the supposed time. I know Iona wanted to kill me then, but since she can't, she didn't.
Thankgod. That was rude, and i am absolutely sorry for that.
As for sha, I OWE YOU A PRESENT!
And I HEART THAT CLUTCH! *leaps in happiness*

I MISS EVERYONE BACK IN KLANG AND AT HOME!
AND I MISS ARINAH TOO!
I CANT BE MISSING ARINA BECAUSE SHE'S DOWNSTAIRS AND I AM SUPPOSED TO SEE HER TO STUDY MATH WITH HER.

Till then, fellow people (especially suzanne, whom ive promised to meet up with since ever, which i will, some time soon),
DO DO DO DO DO DO DO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! *screams*

Signing Out,
Bitchier by Day?

Truly Talented

2009-04-02T03:16:00.001+08:00

Yes, yes, I know I've been saying that I'd be updating my blog often since now I have wireless and such.

But here I am. Still failing to update my blog as promised.

Somehow, surprisingly, I have nothing, like absolutely nothing worth blogging. Or interesting enough to blog.

Being in Nilai for the final 2 months before I'm back to civilization,

Staying in a dorm with wireless,

I have nothing to blog about. Simply because, Arina and I have agreed that we seriously lack drama this semester.

To be honest, we're pretty much bored in the dorm at night.

Now that the population has been cut down to ¼ of the actual population of my campus, the rate of drama has gone close to, uh, NONE.

I mean, not having drama is good, judging on how much drama we both been having the past two semesters, But we're BORED.

Like literally bored, bored. Yes. THAT bored.

But anyway, how am I?

Been good. I've got debate training every Wednesday and Thursday. In PJ (ugh!)

And my classes are absolutely awesome.

Okay, partially awesome. My classes are only from Monday till Thursday,

Giving me THREE days of weekend *dances around*

It's good. Because I so deserve 3 days of holiday after two VERY HECTIC semesters I have.

And it'd be 3 days weekend if, and ONLY if I don't have anything important or, important to do during the weekends.

But the only sucky part is, my class starts at 9 am on Monday, when the original schedule said its at 2 pm.

UIA is just plain jealous, JEALOUS, I tell you, because I could have come back on Monday morning, but NOOOOOOO….. they have to make my class at 9 am.

UGH. *pissed off face*

Mathematics 2 is a no doubt boredom.

But I actually got whatever I am studying. Like get, get in the sense that I could actually do the exercise.

Honestly speaking, I am MORONIC when it comes to Add Math or any of that sort,

But I got this one. I understand.

Why didn't I get this lecturer earlier? I could have passed Add Math more often that I did.

SERIOUSLY.

Anyway, getting to the true gist of this blog post,

I would like to write a review on 'Talentime' directed by Yasmin Ahmad.

As a true Yasmin Ahmad's movies' lover / Yasmin Ahmad hardcore supporter,

I might as well jump into a well if I miss any of her movies.

(Provided that they show it in M'sia, unlike MUALLAF. WTF wei. Serious shit. Why don't they allow Muallaf to be showed in M'sia? WHY? WHY? WHY? *dramatic mode*)

I'd give Muallaf a 4 and ½ star for its awesomeness.

It's a no surprise that when it comes to Yasmin Ahmad, you're guaranteed of good MALAY movie. Literally.

This movie is actually worth spending RM9 on, rather than some lameass sucky movies like 'The Spirit' (wtf?) and also 'Watchmen' (*shoots oneself*)

Okay. Probably RM18. I watched it, TWICE.

Was rooting for the 3^rd time, but my friend thought I had too much 'Talentime' moments; I should probably lay off 'Talentime' for now.

It's a movie about the contestants of the 'Talentime' competition.

The story of multi-racial love, love of a boy and his mother, with side stories bringing up emotions of the world.

To quote Yasmin Ahmad, " I do not have message when I do a movie, I just bring out the emotions in it."

What that is truly amazing about this movie is that how the plot evolved,

Taking the attention away from the base idea of the movie, which is the Talentime competition, and putting the attention to the stories of the finalist of the competition.

Yasmin Ahmad has directed the movie in a manner that, at the end of the day, it's no longer about the Talentime competition, that the competition is only the side-story to the real contents of the movie.

I love how this movie has bring you into a taste of every emotion possible.

Emotion of love, pain, lingering death, fear of world, hope, judgement-free, and the emotion of loss.

The way the story evolved has brought me up spiraling emotions; from feeling sad to feeling happy in a second.

The movie has absolutely magnificent soundtracks, ranging from Pete Teo's to Angels by someone and then to 'O Re Piya' by AR Rahman.

A must check out soundtracks. To die for.

And intertwined with poems and quotes, that are just perfect to capture the moment.

"If the moon can appear during the day, then why can't the sun do the same at night?"

"Words are too much. Love comes in silent"

And with the just right amount of humour to send the audience to small giggles, reminding them, it's not a sad movie. The movie's for getting in touch with our emotions, it's not for laugh, it's not for cry, it's for reminding us the basic of life, that life is light, nothing's too hard or too light to take.

"Momma, I don't think he reads Yorkshire lips"

"Arse licker!"

Something that everyone could relate to, because Talentime is taking the life at its basic.

That the matter of details do not matter,what matter is how the situation makes your heart feels.

The best scene from the movie that I truly favour is when Mahesh kneeled down to his mother,

After the mother found out he's dating a Malay girl.

In his sign language, he said,

"I worship the ground you stepped on." trying to ask for her blessings, which she refused to give.

Him, like us, know how family always come first. Afraid of being forever rejected by his only caretaker, his mother, feeling afraid of being considered an insolent son,

He continued gesturing,

"If you want me to stop seeing her, I will stop seeing her. But I need you to do one thing for me. I need you to teach my heart how to forget her."

"Because my heart does not know how to."

And then it was followed by a song 'O Re Piya' which gives that extra oomph to the sadness.

My words could never justify the movie and the essence of it,

But it is DEFINITELY worth watching.

But I shall forewarn you that it has sucky ending.

Cliff-hanger. Swear I wanted to scream in the cinema.

TWICE. Yes.

Oh well. Very Yasmin Ahmad.

After the 4^th movie, I should have figured that out.

Oh well. 'Nuff blabbering.

I've got 9 am class tomorrow, and it's uh, 3 am now.

Oh well.

Loves loves,

Kdee.

Inhuman?

2009-03-16T11:09:00.002+08:00

It's March 16th today.
I am still stuck in PJ Campus.
No kidding, been here for a full one week already.

I just got hold of the Internet. A lot has happened since the last post was up.

Life been expectedly crazy and busy.
But mostly could have predicted it to be such, knowing me.

How has my life been?
It's been fairly good.
I am not going to get all depressed and emotional about it,
Because frankly speaking,
It's not worth spending my emotion on.

Economics paper was fairly good.
I am not rooting for a grade A, since I basically blanked myself out at one point of the paper.
So more or less, i'm just crossing my fingers the result would turn out fine.

Road of life basically has been pretty much a roller coaster ride.
I had a really bad crying session, it's by far the worst.
Sometimes when you think that you've given enough,
And you've been pointed finger to and said that you've done nothing,
It sort of took the soul out of you.
It kicked into your system, kicked you down,
And you questioned what else is there to be done?
Intention was good. but the message never got across.

And just recently I lost my laptop.
Yeap. My laptop + my bag of clothes.
It was when I decided to sleep over at Haziqah's hostel,
We decided to go and have dinner.
I sorta forgot to bring my laptop with me, and left it at the back of the car.
The next thing we knew, her back window was broken and my laptop + bag of clothes are gone.

The funny thing is,
I kinda sorta accepted the whole incident.
But what that sort of pissed me off is the fact that,
With the laptop + bag of clothes gone,
Went with it my memories + items close to heart.

My external hard drive which has all the pictures from previous years and my old school pictures are gone.
My favourite jeans, top and tudung are also gone.
My favourite box of brooch is also gone, my headphone, my perfume.
And then there's the assignments, files, my soft copy of my event paper work, hard copy of them.
All these stuffs that may not be precious to people,
But these are stuffs close to my heart, stuffs that matter to me,
My hardwork, sleepless night and my very own memories.

We've done police report, the car is fixed and dad bought me a new laptop.
But it still wouldn't be enough to replace what's lost.
However, I am keeping a very positive atttude on it,
Probably it's in a way of God telling me to start fresh,
To let go and move on.
Because I believe that I do seriously have problem with letting go.

I'm happy now. No joke on that.
Whatever's broken is pretty much fixed.
But when I sit back and ponder,
Listen and think,
I still could never declare that,
it's fixed, that i'm no longer broken.
I could never say that it's over and i am letting go.
because it has became a part of me.
Just like the future one is already a part of me.

Last weekend was National Novice Debating Championship,
Held in UiTM Shah Alam.
We didn't get to go to quarter final,
to whom I could fairly put the blame on but shall not talk about her,
Because I am fasting today,
But the price i paid for being there, is missing Cherylyn's piano competition,
Where I could not only spend time with Iona, Sha and a few other friends.
Cher won the competition, and I could go onlyas far as texting her and congratulate her.
Am still wishing I was there, Cher. Congratulation babe!

I've got to go home on Sunday up till Tuesday because it's Maulidur Rasul.
Being back home is good.
Always have been good.
So close to loved ones,
So close to people that you know at the end of the day do not discriminate and accept you for you, and would not settle for nothing less or nothing more.
Being in an environment that says its okay if you dont do it the right way,
No one is going to judge you,
No one is going to reject you,
You are a part of us, a part of what we are all about.
It is you that we love.
Gosh, I do miss home.

On the 10th of March is Mr. Gerald's birthday,
I didn't wished him on that day, because I was occupied with debate training,
But texting him a day after sorta bring that missing feeling you've been putting aside.
I miss going to his class. Talking to him, or rather just listen to him.
The time spent growing up in his class has indeed left a deep impact in my life.
I kid you not,he taught more than just English, he taught me life + manner.
Something that I know would get me far in life.

Being detached from your life back home because you are too busy with life somewhere else,
Do bring that longing feeling of wanting to wind the clock back.
I've found great things in the new life,
But it is never good enough to take away my old life.
Sometimes I sit back and reflect, life back then was so much simpler and less complicated to now.
Less drama to handle, less complication to face, less complexity to process.

Not being able to be home on my birthday sort of pulled me down.
Dad didn't want me to drive back late after debate training,
Of course out of being worried of my safety.
And to add to it, I dont even get to be surrounded by my friends back in Klang.
No one is to be blamed,
But i've got one of the best birthday celebrations here in PJ itself.
They say I need a good cheer up.
And I did get a good cheer up.
Just not as good as being back home.
Good, nevertheless.

Those days when you question yourself, and your existance in this world.
You ask yourself what's in me that people see and love.
What is it that made people stay and not turn their back.
I never got the answer.
I never know why.
But I know that, it's not me that is special and a gift to another person,
But it is me that is grateful to be given them,
Because these people are people that are special.
Being with them, makes me special.
And I thank god for each and every one of them.

Just ended last Saturday and Sunday was UIA Gombak Open League,
Which was fairly good. Looking at the performance of our team since my teammate is not an experienced debater.
I had a whale of time, listening to debaters' crazy ideas and crazy proposals.
I learnt a lot of new stuffs, And I gained a lot of new knowledge.
But along the process of being technical and factual,
I can't help but to feel detached from my emotional side.

I think I have just lost my touch of being a human.
Emotional, susceptible to mistakes, less analytical, more accepting, and more caring and sensitive.
It's like debating takes the soul away.
That life is about Robert Mugabe, International Court of Justice and how to squirrel a debate.
I feel incompetent of empathizing, and being in touch with human emotions.
I can't decide based on simple human rules and nature, because I am too busy being analytical.
I have taken the world in a perspective of a debater,
Always wanting to trample on the other team, and proving that how I see the world is the right way, that I cannot afford to make mistakes because it causes me to be at the bottom of the ranking.
I have changed, for the worst, haven't I?

I'm leaving for Malacca next Saturday for another tournament.
MMU Open Tournament or something like that.
We'll be having daily training, but I doubt I'd be debating this weekend though.
But from what I last heard, I will be adjudicating there.
Hope to be home on Sunday night,
And then off for the short semester on Monday.

Life's been hectic, I've been negligent.
Probably it's just me denying life and the truth it holds.
No one knows, not even me.

I miss being home. Being less complicated. Being the old Khadijah.

Signing Out,

It is different now.

Yeah,yeah

2009-03-02T03:52:00.002+08:00

I havent been home the last 3 weeks.
I just got home last Friday night.
I miss home badly.
I have another paper on Tuesday, my last paper, Economics.
I'm going to be done with my 2nd semester on the 5th of March.
I'm going to be in PJ for the next 2 weeks starting from 5th of March.
I've got two debate tournaments, that's why I am staying in PJ.
I'm going to miss Cher's piano recitation eventhough I would KILL to go. (sorry cher!)
But *fingers crossed* I wanna be home for my birthday.

Signing Out,
Trying to sort out my life.

Gave Up

2009-02-09T13:57:00.003+08:00

I was supposed to do this tag.
Well, i wanted to. but the mood went away.
so i gave up.

anyway, its been a hectic holiday.
but totally awesome.

i get to meet all the lovable babes of Pillow-talk + arina on a mamak session.
awesome time minus the maggot in the chicken at modern.
yes, dont tell me i didnt warn you.

i drove all the way to peejay and back with arina.
twas fun.
put aside the fact that we got lost, went past bangsar (pretty place) and damansara before getting on track.

im expecting more workload tomorrow + assignments and a lot of study catching up to do.
eek!

tomorrow will be the annual dinner for my dorm too.
and i havent done a thing.
shit.

selection for Asian University Debate Championship is tomorrow night too.
i want to try out.
so *fingers crossed* ill get chosen.

p.s : sorry pillow-talkers for making you girls wait so long. and thanks for bearing with me. *hugs*

p.p.s : happy bee-lated bday yinxian.

p.p.p.s : tj's leaving for australia next week. am gnna miss that dude.

Signing Out,
Nothing beats the feeling of being at home.

I'll Wear A Veil

2009-02-04T22:50:00.002+08:00

"When you get married, I'm going to wear black to your wedding. Bring a bouquet of carnations, and wear a black veil over my face."

- Khadi on Arina's future wedding with her current boyfriend-

Signing Out,

Dreading days here.

The Longest Journey

2009-01-27T19:32:00.001+08:00

A close friend told me today,

"The longest journey is the journey of concept from the mind to the heart."

It's hard when the mind doesnt agree with the heart.

Signing Out,
Wishing All Well.

BOOM BOOM BOOM!

2009-01-26T02:04:00.002+08:00

Home has never felt so good.
Literally, and figuratively speaking.
Today's the second day at home.
And I am enjoying every minute of it.

Its been a draggy 3 full weeks since I last came back home.
I've never miss my home, my family (and Bubu) so badly.
I miss Klang people badly too.

Sometimes it dawned on us, that its not about what we have here,
But what we grew to be a part of.

These people are not the most awesome around,
the smartest, most intellectual, most better off,
But these are the people that I grew to love.
The people that I could go to and say, "This is how home feels like."

T0day's the Chinese New Year.
I just found out that this year is the Year of Bull.

I used to keep up with the whole horoscope,
Chinese horoscope too, But being there,
I've been missing a lot on life, and world in general.

I'll be sleeping with Anas, my brother again tonight.
It's really sweet to see so much love a blood relative has for you.
It's overwhelming.

I walked into the house yesterday,
With the sight of Anas extending his arms,
In gesture of hugging me, saying "Kakak dah balik."

Yes. I miss home just as much.

Its been a long, tiring 3 weeks.
With every weekends filled with activities,
That at the end of last week, I died of exhaustion.

Thankgod to a friend who sent me home yesterday,
Because I was too tired to find my way home.
That's how exhausted I was.

But right now, I'm just enjoying home and what it offers,
Surrounded by loved ones,
Until it lasts.

It's true what they say,
We need this place which can be ur sanctuary,
A place to let lose and just have fun,
Be ourselves,
And not be afraid of being hurt.

It feels so good to just let lose of myself,
And not having to be on the guard,
Because I know for a fact,
That this is the place that could assure me protection.

I've always been on guard the past 3 weeks,
Having so much to worry and think about,
Having to think and plan and decide,
And having to be on the lookout just in case,
It feels so good to do the other way around for a change.

I believe the only reason for not falling sick in Nilai,
Is because I cannot afford to fall sick.
So much to do, so many things and people to take care of,
I just cannot afford to pause and be sick.

But here, at home,
I could pause, and be sick,
And still know that I'd be well because I'd be taken care of.

I was having a massive stomach ache today,
And it killed me (figuratively) by 8 pm.
But I had a good rest, Because Mom made it so comfortable for me to just rest and get well.

I had a good kitchen chat with Dad, sometime after midnight.
It's good to just have a talk with Dad,
about random nothings and how-are-you.

I had ice cream, and really good fried chicken + sambal and white rice for lunch,
Cookies, and Slurpee. All in the same day.
Good food. I miss that.

And it was so fun to just lie down in bed with Iona,
Cuddling with her soft toys while catching up for the times we've been away from each other,
Which feels like ever,
And just talk about things we love best.

I do have reasons to stay in Nilai,
A few good reasons,
But Nilai is nothing like Klang.
I love Nilai for the people I grew to love there,
But Klang still stays for a good long time in my heart.

I'm happy now.
I dont think so I'm heart-broken anymore.
I think i'm fulfilled.

Signing Out,
Happy Chinese New Year, my darlings!

Depressing Bunch?

2009-01-13T16:49:00.002+08:00

Its been a REALLY LONG WHILE since I actually took the effort to write something meaningful in here.
Nor put fancy pictures in it.
Or anything funny or related to ME for that matter.

I'm really sorry.

Its ALWAYS one thing or another.
No wi-fi.
Wi-fi bangang.
Broadband sucky.
Friendster-ing and then when i FINALLY come to blogging, I'd forgot what I wanted to blog.
Went out with friends bla bla bla.
Handling life drama.
But mostly just, PLAIN LAZY.
yes yes. thats why Im sorry.

This is the second week since I last came back home.
I had an event going on last weekend.

Some sport fiesta thingy involving all colleges around Nilai.
Which is not that much to start with, mind you.
Yes, shocker to think that Khadi here actually took the effort to come down to the field and so-called 'participate'.

EEEKK!! wrong.
I came to the field at 12 pm.
Then made my exit by 12.30 pm to go for lunch because I thought the sun was burning my skin,
And I just plain hate the Sun. Especially at noon.
Merewang here and there, till around 5.30 pm before I came back to the field.
So much for wanting to attend the closing ceremony,
But whoops! When I came. Everything was done.
Sorry lah. Didnt mean to run away, but i'm just a secretary kot?

The weather has been absolutely windy.
Trust me, windy is an understatement.
Try to imagine yourself being LITERALLY blown away by the wind.
Thankgod I am heavy enough (maybe slightly more than enough) to withstand the wind.
Uh-uh. Scary kot.
Tapi best untuk tidur malam-malam.

I miss my family a whole bunch by today.
Just spending time around them.
Called home twice. Once last weekend, when I was having lunch.
Another, last night before the debate recruitment session.
I got to speak to only 3 people. Sarah, Anas and Atiqah.
I miss my mom and my dad. :(

This weekend seems so unsure.
Should I return to where my heart is or should I stay?
I've got computer practical test (Database stuffs. GEEK. ugh!) and also Arabic test.
I've got to praise the Lord for how well I cope with my study.
I've got close to no problem at all when it comes to Arabic.
Very very good with it, reflecting on the fact that I have no basic in that language except for when I was in Primary school.
And that is as far as it goes.

Sometimes, I get so tired with life over here.
So much emotions involved.
Too much to a point, you go one day,
you want to slay everyone. Yes, I mean EVERYONE.
With no exclusion whatsoever.
That includes you.

So many things happened nowadays,
Its so scary to think what the future holds for me.
For us.
For our loved ones.

How promising can the future be?
Just looking at the front cover of News Straits Times,
I dont like what I see.
Heartless war, killing thousands of innocent children and women.

I wont lie in saying that I still continue to use Johnson&Johnson,
But I am also proud to say that I have not been eating McDonalds in 3 weeks.
That includes the ice-cream.
Eventhough sometimes when I pass McD, I cant help but to feel like screwing the whole boycott against companies contributing to Gaza attack and just eat that RM 1.20 vanila ice cream.

Probably it's just me being emotional.
I'm not in a good mood anyway today.
I felt like dumping two people I love best, and look forward to seeing everyday in Nilai today.
Oh, and shooting them to death.
But, I love them far too much to do so, that's why I'm here to distract myself.
Know this, I love you too much to do so ok?

"I hope the love i have for you could be like the wind,

So that when the wind blows strong,

You would know that's how strong my love is for you.

Or when the wind blows so gently and calmly,

You would know that I sent the love and care for you,

In the most gentle, peaceful and calm manner,

To accompany you at any time of the day,

Most of all, I want the love I have for you to be like the wind,

Because I know then,

That my love would be everywhere,

Would surround you,

So that you'll never forget that my love will always be there,

For you.

That's why."

Signing Out,

I've been striked?

Ordinary People - John Legend

2009-01-03T15:04:00.023+08:00

I know that I am way off schedule with the whole 2008 recap.
I've been tied up with certain things *cough cough* that I absolutely fantabulously forgot to do so.

Time got the most of me.
University just sucked the life out of me.
Meeting friends is what I do on every weekends,
And really, I've been truly negligent towards you.

Yes yes. Where have my passion for blogging gone to?
When times like this,
Being away people wonder what I'm up to.
Probably I should make that as the new year's resolution eh?
(DAMN! I lost the touch for blogging.)

Things I've done in 2008 (not in sequence) : -
1 - Got myself a driver's license.

2 - Got myself another close friend, Weiguan. All thanks to Daryl. I'm sure if things didn't happen between us, I would have not gotten the chance to meet Weiguan.
3 - Surprised Aisha TWO WEEKS before her birthday. Don't ask why. I am still pissed till this very day. But I love doing so for you Sha! Love you tonnes hun!

4 - Got myself a new family + new job which I love.

5 - Having my loved ones visit me at work. Thanks for killing my boredom at works!

6 - DOME, despite the over-priced meals, is worth spending with people you truly truly love.
7 - Totally changed my perception on how fun the arcade is. Yes. Strong emphasis on Daytona car-racing game.
8 - Celebrated my Hari Raya with my closest friends. Best Raya so far. Being surrounded by both family and friends.
(No pictures of family. I have no idea where they are. Sorry!)

9 - Bought myself more prized possessions. Yes yes. I am materialistic.

10 - Had the best week of outings right before I entered UIA, with no optimism
11 - Managed to harass my cat, EVEN MORE.

12 - In with the new friends, but still keeping the old ones.

13 - Grow up to a point I appreciate and love my family so so much more than before.
Yes. I know I dont show it often but I love every single one of you, yes, including Bubu.
14 - Fell in love, stayed in love, got my heart broken. But I'm glad we had what we had.
15 - One word : Wondermilk

16 - Got myself a LONG list of weird friends in UIA (love them nevertheless)
17 - Got scammed into believing that a friend's leaving for hometown for good, and being nice enough to send him to KLIA and almost getting killed somewhere along the journey. Thankgod I love you that much, en. Iku. Siap boleh nangis plak tuh! Hampeh btol.
18 - Along with the list of weird friends, I also have great lecturers. Scratch that, AWESOME lecturers.
19 - Did fairly good in SPM and got awarded for that.
20 - And been missing school, BADLY ever since.

21 - Far too many nighters.

22 - Got myself a new best friend, Arina. Who I would kill for.
23 - And still have time for the old best friends.

24 - Nothing says it like old day's bitching mate. Love you tonnes babe!

25 - Had the best outing with Aisha and Iona EVER. at Iona's house.

26 - Went to Fraser's Hill and not even with family

27 - And went for a jungle-trekking there. Yes yes, gasp all you want.
28 - Spent far,far too much time in Secret Recipe. Because its the only funky place in Nilai.

29 - Got myself AWESOME dorm mates.

30 - First time with Sushi.

31 - First time with white top too.
32 - Have my very own bitching clan, the Pillow-Talkers.
33 - Drove all the way to The Curve with Farah and all.

34 - To die for : Honeycomb Gold Rush. And I had that! *grins*
35 - Got a little too excited at Paddington's Pancake House
36 - Surprised Cher on her birthday!

37 - Surprise trip from Haziqah all the way to Nilai.
38 - Been on a plane ALL BY MY SELF.

39 - Moved to a new house and HAVE MY OWN BEDROOM!

40 - Done a lot more stuffs but could not recall what they are and are even more grateful for the year I had.

Best wishes to everyone in the year 2009
May we all have a joyous, and prosperous blessed year this year.
Happy New Year!

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow
This time we'll take it slow
This time we'll take it slow

John Legend - Ordinary People.

Let's breathe in slowly to life,
Appreciate great moments,
Give love and life a second chance,
And do not be afraid to make mistakes.
Because at the end of the day, we are all ordinary people.

Lots and lots of love,
Khadi / Kady / Kdee / Kd
(really, how the name is spelt doesnt matter to me)

Inora Tagged ME

2008-12-09T02:58:00.002+08:00

Sorry I just found your tag, Nora.
Been busy with Uni,
and finally getting to catching up with the past.

Tagged by Nora.

Seven Things That You Dislike the Most:
1. Waiting.
2. Nilai
3. Emo, dramatic boys. Yes, the EVEN MORE dramatic than me kind of boys.
4. Failure to impress
5. People looking down on me.
6. Fake people
7. Catching up with bad past.

Seven Things You Like the Most:
1. Love
2. Ice Cream + Chocolates
3. My Family
4. My Bestfriends + My Klang friends
5. Shopping
6. Wondermilk Cupcakes
7. The Curve Flea Market :)

Seven Important Things In Your Room:
1. My old diaries
2. My collection of shoes
3. My collection of bags.
4. My wardrobe
5. My AWESOME BED.
6. My book rack
7. My BED. (yes I love it that much to mention it TWICE)

Seven Random Facts About You:
1. I never listen.
2. Half of the time, I do the opposite of what I'm asked to, just for the sake of non-conforming
3. I have poor self-control. Especially when it comes to shopping.
4. I curse a lot nowadays.
5. People dont know half of the shits I've done
6. Yes, I even go against what I say, because i'm systemised to do so.
7. I am THAT lazy to text people.

Seven Things You Plan to Do Before You Die:
1. Learn How To be an Exorcist. (something new I thought recently)
2. Bungee-jumping!
3. Yoga!
4. Dance classes!
5. Fall in love(again) and getting it right this time.
6. Be a clean,corporate wonder woman with pretty house and awesome car
7. Bukit Antarabangsa! (again)

Seven Things You Find Attractive in the Opposite Sex:
1. Charm.
2. The way he treats me.
3. His way of moving around me. ah, you'll get it once you started dating.
4. I always thought guys who wear pendant are sexy. Just saying.
5. The way he dresses.
6. Got to say long hair does add to it.
7. VERY IMPORTANT : Just as passionate of things I'm passionate about.

Seven Celebrity Crushes:
1. Anuar Zain
2. That dude who acts in Las Vegas and dating (or dated) Fergie
3. Adam Brody. Hawt!
4. Shahrukh Khan
5. Aaron Kwok
6. Rain
7. Wang Lee Hom

Tagging :
1. Iona
2. Cherylyn
3. Sarah
4. Henri
5. YinXian
6. Arina
7. Ryan

Signing OUT,
: University is not for the faint-hearted :

Being away

2008-12-01T21:17:00.003+08:00

Im running short on time.

It's gonna be curfew in a few minutes time.

I miss home real badly.

Being there and being surrounded by people I actually care.

Not being stuck here in, ugh, Nilai.

Shitty feeling.

Tell me about it.

Just done with the Uni Festival.

Which can be describes in one word, SUCKY.

and I shall not further elaborate anymore.

I hope pictures do carry thousands of words,

Because I dont have the time to crazily ramble here eventhough that's what I REALLY love to do.

BUT fear not, I shall blog properly,

When the mood strikes,

and when I have the time.

OH WELL!

Cant wait to be home for Raya Haji.

Screw Uncle Peter becos he has to come the night I want my family in Nilai.

Nasib baik he buat rumah.

Kalau tak, dah lama kena bakar je dia dan lorinya itu.

And Iona,

I'm sorry for not wishing you in my blog on your birthday.

Have I told you how much I miss you and Happy 18th birthday babe!

And to the others,

I REALLY REALLY REALLY MISS YOU.

Arina knows best, since I whine to her ever so often.

(Ok, so I do whine a lot. But THIS IS DIFFERENT *whiney tone*)

Oh well! Cant wait to get HOOOOMMMEEEEE!!!

p.s : pillow-talkers,be patient. i'll be back. to reign back my supremity over klang.

BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA!

Signing Out,

Im not crazy. Just a lil bit unwell.

HEYYA PEOPLE. I'M BACK

2008-11-19T18:55:00.003+08:00

Heyyyy!!!
Yes yes. I know I sorta ignored the blog.
I bet no one comes here anymore.

I am terribly sorry peeps.
I've got NOTHING to blog about.

Well, I've been up with things here like *coughs*shopping,KLIA,chocolates*coughs* but fat chance ANY OF YOU WOULD KNOW ABOUT IT.
Bwahahahahahahahahhaha!

Life's been good in Nilai.
Not excellent, not fabulous.
Just plain good.

I mean I am not dying yet, kan?
So ok lah.

Statistics is absolute boring. Playing with graphs and histograms and all.
And the class is like HUGE. So I tend to doze off a bit here and there.

Economics? Very mind-challenging. The way the lecturer thinks really challenges you.
So I thought it's a not-bad subject to learn.

And then there's Arabic. Which is fun. To a point. haha! inside joke.
I like the lecturer and furthermore, I know a dude named Jenny.
Yeah2. A DUDE named Jenny. Agak funny lah.

And then there's Accounting 2. Where we learn about partnership and company and all.
I FINALLY get the topics I didnt get when I was in Form 5.
So I can pretend I am smart now.
Bwaahahhahaahha!

And lastly there's Computer 2. Which is like BOOOORRRIIINNGGG!!
Arina was poking me the whole two hours of lectures last Monday.
I was sleeping. or going to sleep.
But then again, I was that the whole lecture hours this week.
Which is bad.

I think I sleep too much.
I need to hype myself up lah.

It's been raining in Nilai and I've been slow here.
Or down.
Or less hyped-down.
Whichever floats your boat.

And there's this upcoming debate league at MMU this weekend.
I miss debating.
But I am not sure if I am going for that one or not.
We have to see if the partner wants to go.

Sarah, tukar blog link tarak bagitau pung eh?
Ape2 lah. klu tak smpai mati pun tak tau.

Oh well.
Lots and lots and lots of crazy stuffs from Nilai.

-Khadi- *with huge grin*

P.S : A new baju kurung + jubah would be a good cheer-me-up. *hint hint*

So I've Been Lying

2008-11-03T00:58:00.002+08:00

Yes. I am guilty of lying.
I have been going online EVERYDAY since i moved house.
thanks to celcom broadband.

but but but i've been really lazy to update.
so yeah.

But this is just random update because i dont really want to update.
Just feeling tinsy weeny bit guilty.

Muaz : Tangan saya bintik-bintik lah. Nampak hodoh.

Khadi : Yeah yeah. Macam muka awak.

TOUCHDOWN!!!

That was the BEST comeback i've done in Bahasa Malaysia.

I believe i've mastered the art of comebacks.

And the pending tag for Nisha. (did I owe anyone else tag?)

1. The person who tag/pass you is?

Nisha. (gosh i dont remember your full name lah!)

2. Your relationship with her/him is?

Friend. THANKGOD!Anything more intimate would be VERY awkward.

3. Your five impression of her/him?

- passionate about everything she blogs about

- she really cares when she wants to care

- she's a keeper.

- a generally great person who's very devoted to God.

- she's nice LAAHH...

4. The most memorable thing she/he had done for you?

Godknows. being my friend kot?

5. The most memorable thing she/he had said to you?

God. Im sorrryy!! I dont remember. apparently i misplaced my brain somewhere. sorry!

6. If she/he become your lover you will?

NOT gonna happen. we're both straight aite?

7. If she/he become your lover, thing she/he has to improve on will be?

Uh. Nothing. becos she's not goonna be MY lover.

8. If she/he become your enemy, you will?

not gonna happen either. it doesnt make sense. why would she?

9. If she/he become your enemy, the reason will be?

godknows.refer to question 8's answer

10. The most desired thing you want to do for her/him now is?

Meet up with her and say "SURPRISE!"

11. Your overall impression of her/him is?

A very fun person to hang out with.

12. How you think people around you will feel about you?

I dont do evil stuffs to the world. Im generally a very nice person. why would they think bad of me?

13. The characters you love of yourself are?

Every single bits of me. yes. even the not being punctual characteristic too.

14. On the contrary, the character you hate yourself are?

Lose myself too easily sometimes

15. The most ideal person you want to be is?

Anuar Zain. REALLY.

16. For people that care and like you, say something to them

aww. thats sweet. thanks for being there. : )

17. Pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wished to know how they feel about you.

No one. really.

18. Who is no.6 having relationship with?

19. Is no.9 is a male or female?

20. If number 7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?

21. What is no.2 studying about?

22. When was the last time you had a chat with no.3?

23. What kind of music band does no. 8 like?

24. Does no.1 have any siblings?

25. Will you woo no.3?

26. How about number 7?

27. Is no. 4 single?

28. What is the surname of no.5?

29. What’s the hobby of no.10?

30. Does no.5 and 9 get along well?

31. Where is no.2 studying at?

32. Talk something casually about no.1?

33. Have you tried developing feelings for no.6?

34. Where does no.9 live at?

35. What colour does no.4 like?

36. Are no.5 and 1 best friends?

37. Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?

38. What is no.6 doing now?

Since i tag no one, then i cant answer question 18 to 38 can i?

Well have a great day people.

Signing Out,

Im tired i might just pass out.

Its Going To Be A New Episode

2008-10-25T03:08:00.002+08:00

Its 3 am in the morning.
In a few hours I am going to start moving to the new house.

Fresh start, a good one I hope.
Nevertheless, I am going to miss the old house.

And my cats.
Whoops. I haven't break the news yet to them.
I have a feeling they know, because Bubu was being emo today.

Fyi, I might be laying off the Net for a few weeks because the telephone line wont be up in the new house till a few weeks from now.

Hope to be back,
Up and about,
With a whole lot stories + pictures to tell.

To dear friends : Khadi/Kdee is reachable via handphone. Doubt house phone would work.

Signing Off,
Tolong bagi tahu jika anda mahu melawat. Sekian, terima kasih.

Current Status :

2008-10-24T02:45:00.002+08:00

Current status :
- Feeling wangi after my 2.30am bath
- Feel that hair is bouncier and smoother after conditioning and shampoo-ing.
- TV-less and PS-less. Every sort of entertainment moved to the new house, except for Internet.
-Loving my new living room. Ada stage-sort of corner. comel gile!
-Satisfied. Because I managed to disturb Bubu's sleeping sessions THE WHOLE DAY.
-Tired due to cleaning of the new house.
-Loving the dining hall sink
-Feeling random because I dont know what to blog about but still want to blog today thus resulting to this post.

Signing Out,
1 more day before warming to a new environment.

What I want to do

2008-10-23T01:57:00.002+08:00

Currently stuck with 'The Da Vincci Code' which was borrowed to me since, uh, last December.
I swear I was getting to it, before being distracted EVERY single time,
And dozing off almost everytime, after, uh, 5 pages.
But but but, I am already 3 quarter through the friggin book so I am positive if I keep up with the right attitude towards the book, I'd be done by the end of this week.

Then I need to move on to 'Angels&Demons' which was borrowed to me since, uh, last March.
I know it's untouch and the furthest I've been is 2 pages of the book.
But I AM getting to it. Just not yet.
To the owner of the book : I am sorry. I'll give it back before MY holiday ends ok?

I realised how DULL internet is these days.
I mean, how the hell did I last 5 friggin hours online back then?
There's practically NOTHING to do online.
Except for chatting and blogging.
But you cant actually blog if you just spent the past 14 hours sleeping (not sequently),
And the friends you're chatting with are either offline, disconnecting (far too often) or on the phone with *coughs*crush*coughs*.
Not that I am referring to anyone, REALLY.

I really really want to watch 'Talentime'.
Visiting Yasmin Ahmad's blog after such a LONG time kinda got me inspired again to watch her work.
I always always always LOVE her work.
Apart from Afdlin Shauki's of course.
I remember how I dragged Sha, Iona and Daryl to watch 'Mukhsin' after our trials,
Because I wanted to.
WHAT?! It was worth the time.
And I wanted to watch it. That was all the reason that these people need.
THEY LOVE ME.
Anyone's up to watch it with me when its out?

Oh oh oh! And 'Muallaf' is FINALLY coming out on the 27th November.
At Singapore though.
I know! Pretty much suck right?
I was waiting for the movie since, last year or early of this year?
THAT long. I know!
Godknows if its entering Malaysia or not.

I dont get it with Malaysia + Censorship Board + Good Movies.
I found out 8 bloody cuts for 'Sepet' before shown in Malaysia.
I mean, that movie is HARMLESS.
And 8 cuts? It amazes me sometimes how the censorship board works.
The kind of movies THEY should ban are like 'Remp-It' and those really bad,predictable Malay movies.
No offense, speaking from a third person's perspective with no bias judgement whatsoever,
Remp-It is a BAD influence. Sepet has scenes that may trigger sexualwhatevershits, but out of pure affection and love, Remp-It? A total sexualwhatevershits scenes that promotes random sex with random people.
And I know I am supposed to be supportive towards Malay movies because I am a Malay bla bla bla, but still.
Whatever happened to really good Malay movies like those during P.Ramlee time?

My dad isnt the kind of dude that actually watch a movie and laugh his ass off,
But he still does when he watches P.Ramlee's movies,
Even after watching them for what that could probably be the 567th times.
Yes. They are that good.

But the current Malay movies?
UGH.
Thank God we have people like Yasmin Ahmad, Afdlin Shauki and Sharifah Amani to save the movie industry.
If we have any to start with.

And I really really really want to watch 'PS I Love You'.
Yes. I am still raving about the bloody movie + book.
Never gotten over it.
I did watch like half of the movie,
From a friend's Samsung IPod thingy.
Miniscule screen, whispering sound.
Not that satisfying.
To Anyone who can get me the movie : I'd go out on a date with you.

I think I need to get myself something too.
I dont remember the last time I bought myself anything too.
A new top would be nice.

And the whole moving house,
We're at our final 30%.
I dont like packing, I never like packing.
Because it kinda gives you the heavy,sad feeling that you have to let go.
And I am NEVER good at letting go.
Never will.

The house's looking good from Dad's new phone's gallery,
But the thing is, Mom strictly "menguatkuasakan" the 'No Cats' policy.
So I have to leave all my darlings at the old house.
I was just bonding with Bubu, (my fat, lazy, but very very comel cat)
And I actually teared for a while while messing with its fur.
Bubu hates it when you mess with its fur. Kinda 'kacau' his cute factor.

And people people,
You should really check out these songs :
1 - Almost Lover : A Fine Frenzy
2 - She's More : Keith Urban
3 - I'll Kill Her : Soko.

Well, the first two songs are awesome songs, but the third one is funny.
Worth checking out.
Specially for girls whose boyfriends got snatched by bitches.
Yes. Well-dedicated for them.

I seriously think I have a problem moving on.
I like being in the well.
Arina's gonna wait for me,
And I told her flat out,
"By the time I'm done sitting in the well, you'd be an old spinster."
Since she said I need to follow the light she's given,
And I need to get it over and done with.
But I dont want to.
I like it here.

Signing Out,
This Is Fun. I want to do more of this.

Happy Birthday Babe!

2008-10-22T01:09:00.003+08:00

To : Wan Nur Arina bt. Wan Ahmad Kamil

Hello VAIN person.
I know to date, I've done 2 birthday celebrations for you.
And a movie for you.

But I thought it would not be fair if I didnt blog about you.
So, Babe,

Just wanted to wish you

: HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY! :

Do do do stay sane this year.
Really. (haha!)

Best of luck in everything you pursue.
May God always bless you.
And may whatever we have between us would stay this way,
MANY MANY years to come.
*shivers*
That's a HELL LOT of many years.

Oh well.
LOVE YOU TONNES BABE!
(eventho you're vain, cranky and crazy. Love you and every bits of you.)

HUGS HUGS AND MORE HUGS.
-Kdee-

If Only.

2008-10-22T00:59:00.002+08:00

If only you would have told me the truth,
Then I believe life would be so MUCH easier.

In general, if everyone tells the truth,
HECK! Life would be so much easier.

Then I don't have to wonder who still loves who,
Whether I should still miss you or not,
Or who's still into the whole thing and who's not,
Who's angry with who and why,
Who's pissed with who and why,
Who hates who and so and so,
Who's pretending and who's not.

And I would then know what to do next.
Stay. Take a left turn. A right maybe?
Move on.
That sort of things.

Thanks to you,
I am pretty much messed up.

No. I am not going to tell who.
And dont even bother figuring out.
Simply because, its a passing thought.

What can I say? I LOVE exaggerating.

Signing Out,
I want to be like the girl in "She's More - Keith Urban"

IM REALLY REALLY SORRY!

2008-10-21T04:17:00.001+08:00

To : Aisha

I am REALLY sorry about not inviting you to Subang today.
I am GENUINELY sorry about the whole thing,
And I am really feeling guilty and bad about not inviting you.

You see,
The thing is Iona was going to find a job,
In Subang,
And I needed to meet Arina in One Utama.

So I thought if I tag along with Iona,
The she could probably accompany me to One Utama.
Godknows how we want to get there,
But at least I have a company.

That was at 11pm.

And then I was texting Daryl to let him know about the whole moving house thingy,
But it seems that he ran out of credit so I had to meet him online.
And was telling him about us going to Subang.
And he was like, " Wanna come over and have a drink?"
I thought it'd be only for a while,
And we're not even sure if we're really going there.

That's like 12am.

And then somewhere in the middle of my chat with Arina,
She told me the One Utama plan is cancelled because no one can get a bloody transport.
So that cancels off the One Utama plan.

That's at 2 am.

The promised time to leave is 10 am,
Because Daryl has to go off by 2 pm,
To study it seemed (laugh now!).

But Shits happened.
I woke up at 10 am and Iona woke up at 11am.
And there's been problems with the cars and all,
We finally left at 12 pm.

And I only asked mom's permission at 10.30am.

And then we were lost in the middle of Subang,
Godknows where,
Had an hour (plus minus) walk to INTI
Because Iona doesnt want to take the cab.

And that's like 1 pm.

When we arrived,
And waited in Asia Cafe,
Before Daryl arrived,
It was 2.20 pm.

We hanged out there for a while,
Meet people here and there,
And everything before you called.

That's 3-ish pm.

By 4 pm, I was sleepy so I thought we ought to make a move.
So we were walking in front on INTI and Taylors
Where we saw TJ.
We chatted and everything,
Before we saw Shaun Shern.
And then there were Seng Aun, and Henri and godknows whoever else.

By 5 pm,
We (Iona + Khadi + TJ + Henri) were FINALLY in Subang Parade.
We were job-hunting for Iona too.
And then we had dinner,
And finally reaching home at 8.30 pm.

Point is,
It was all impromptue and trust me,
You miss NOTHING.
It was fun while it lasted,
But it'd be more fun if you were there.

And I dont know how to go on some more,
Because I think I just made it worst or some sort.

But I am truly truly sorry!
And I shall make it up to you someday ok?
IM SSSSOOOORRRRRYYYYY!!!!

Signing Out,

Now I feel like the jerks from Nilai.

Yesterweek, This Week and The Upcoming Weekend

2008-10-20T01:13:00.002+08:00

Last Week :

I almost died due to excessive stress of the Finals.
I listened to music the whole 2 hours of Math Final Exam Paper; while attentively solving my equations
I found out about another scholarship.
I was all over KL in 20 hours. 'Nuff said.
I missed a friend and got pissed with another one.
I cursed a hell f***king lot.
I left Nilai for what I have in Klang, and sorta miss whatever I have in Nilai.
Managed to return back to Klang with 1 big luggage bag and that's all.
Managed to squeeze 2 pillows, 1 small pillow, box of books, one box of food, one box of random stuffs, a laundry basket, iron, iron board and a few other stuffs, in MY LOCKER.
Went for 2 nights of ALL-NIGHTER, and one night of only few hours of sleep in between the two ALL-NIGHTERS.
Called Iona at 3am in the morning, because it was fun to do so.
Broken my usual curfew and reached home late but did not get punished. PHEW!
Found out I'll be leaving my cats here when I move house.

Today :

I went to Ikano. Furniture shopping. Awesome shit!
Been tired and felt like dying.
Coming down with a stupid flu.
PMS-ing the whole day. WAS on killing mode.
Got annoyed with the whole family.
Went on hyper mode because I talked to someone I really genuinely miss the past few weeks
Found out that I am going to hang out with Iona tomorrow, at, uh...somewhere.
Have been procrastinating the packing for 2 days now.

The Upcoming Week:

Serious catching-up on the sleep
Hibernate
Control my splurging mode
Help mom around the house.
Get ready to move house
Saturday : Moving home. (on 25th Oct)
Go to Subang teman Iona ask about her job.
Bond with my cats
Get excited about moving to a new house.
Refurnish my OWN bedroom.
Hang out with Aisha.
Meet up with Zaty : Sunday

Signing Out,
I dont Want To Pack. Far too lazy to do so.

Still Not Through With Raya

2008-10-05T21:37:00.003+08:00

Due to some unavoidable visit to my cousin's,
I had to extend our raya session to today.

We started 1 hour later than the promised time,
As yours truly, the driver woke up late.
Yes. Mom went out today so no one woke me up.
(Ok. so i forgot to put alarm. sorry lah!)

This time its a small group.
4 people.
Farah, Nazzrin, Malik and I.

After fetching all the 3 of them,
We headed to see my heartthrob.
Yes. We went to Arsyad's house.
Yes. It IS the same house that Afiq lives in too.
*swt*

We raya-ed there for half an hour because the thing is,
His house was supposed to be on the to-go-to list of yesterday's raya session,
But they didnt because we ran out of time.

So we sorta made up for it today.
It was fun.
Kuih raya + arsyad with his hot wheels cars + talks on The Curve, Cuppacakes and random things under the sun.

We had to leave pretty soon because the next stop is Bukit Jelutong.
Yes. People. I drove all the way to Bukit Jelutong.
*nose flares*

Farah paid for the toll,
And the other two dudes? Baggage/Liability to the car.
But fun, useful liability since Farah and I dont know the way there.
It is true. Women are bad with their sense of direction.

But lets focus on the more fun side of it.
I got to drive at 110km/hour.
Keep this within this blog.
Dad might slaughter me if he sees this.

We were driving in circles for 20 mins at the heart of Bukit Jelutong,
After a 45 mins drive with 2 people arguing about whether to turn left or right,
Go straight or turn at that junction,
And also a memory lapse of where the hell Mama Kitchen and Big Plate is.
Yes. A journey filled with a hell lot of confusion.

And the INTERESTING part about driving in circles is that,
I got into an accident!

To date, this is my 3rd accident.
1 - Not supposed to be known by public accident
2 - KLIA I-almost-die accident.
3 - A bang to the car which causes more than a scratch but less than a dent.

Well, this time, I am proud to tell the story of the accident here,
Because : -
1 - it is not my fault.
2 - it is not my fault.
3 - refer to reason 1 and 2.

Well you see, as I was driving in circles at the shop lot,
There's this car reversing while I was right behind it.
Estima. Or was it Jazz. I am not sure.
I know it's big car for big family kind.
Yes. That one.
(I know I know. I am lame ass when it comes to car. Sorry la. I only know EXPENSIVE PRETTY CARS. *giggles*)

So I was driving pass it till it hit my car.
Well it's not my fault.
Everyone knows you're supposed to look before you reverse.
Now that I think about it,
Malaysian Driving Law is pretty awesome.

There's always the correct side of the road and the wrong side of the road.
Like they ALWAYS give the upper hand to the drivers on the right side of the road.
Godknowswhy, anti-lefthand side of the road.

So technically, based on the Malaysian Driving Law (if there is any),
I was right and he was wrong.
A little bit taken aback for one moment,
But the dude was super nice and everything.
He was actually worried about me and my car, then only look at his car.

AND.....He has a really hot son.

SHEEESSHH!! What? That son of his IS hot.
So I got a little bit distracted.
And I got the number AND the address,
So maybe I should stalk him?
*shakes mind out if it*

AND he said he's paying for the damage.
Seriously, what is left to be fussed about?
Well, except for the really hot son.

Point said, we were having a little bit misadventure before FINALLY reaching the house of that friend.
God knows if anyone remembers Rabiatul?
Yeap. I went to her house.

It was beautiful.
And far from STAR.
Imagine travelling from her home to STAR every single day?
Gosh. A HELL LOT OF HASSLE.

We catched up. Chatted.
Before I had to leave with the two dudes,
Since Nazzrin got to go back to his university today.

The thing is, I wasnt really that close to Rabiatul,
But because she's a best friend to my best friend,
And it's been a while since I last met her,
That's why I went there.

Well, on the bright side,
I got to drive FAST on the highway, see a really hot dude, got into an accident and know Bukit Jelutong (sort of.)

After dropping the two off,
I went back home to rest before going out (again!).

This time to Albert's house because I promised him I'll come today to pass him his birthday present,
And basically because his mom called me up yesterday to come today.
So yeah.

Since no one wants to follow me to Albert's,
And I thought Malik knew the way to Albert's,
I asked Malik to accompany me.
But turned out to be, he doesnt so it is as good as if I was going alone.
But I was glad he teman-ed me because after that I had to go grocery shopping.

I got the wrong shoes for the shopping session.
Was wearing my Raya heels,
And I forgot to take the trolley,
So Malik, being the freeloader cum accompany-er,
Being an absolute doll held all my grocery items.

I'd have to say, I sorta pitied him because by now, practically everyone knows how I shop.
So...yeah.

And then to Sate Kajang,
Because we were expecting guests over for dinner,
And Dad was craving for sate.

I was waiting for Arina to come over too,
But she couldn't make it,
Since there was this MASSIVE jam at Karak highway,
And she was stuck in the car for 14 hours.

It was funny to think that Arina got stuck in a car,
With a handphone with flat battery,
A cranky cat, and her aunt and uncle.
It is a laughable situation. Trust me.

Claustrophobic Arina in a car for 14 hours.
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!
(she would so kill me if she sees this)

And because I was uberly tired due to driving and entertaining guests,
The day ended at 11pm.
Earliest time ever this year.

Oh well!

Anyway, anyone knows who's 'me' in my chatbox?
Dont go anonymous man. I'm confused.
And Sha, glad you like the skin.
Spells me all over it kan?
Not 'me' as in 'me' in the chatbox.
But 'me' as in 'me' Khadi.

Signing Out,
Leaving for Nilai on Tuesday.

Of The Spirit Of Hari Raya

2008-10-04T23:30:00.001+08:00

It has been an absolutely tiring day today.
Reaching home from Johor at 11 pm last night,
Somehow I didn't have a really good sleep.
In fact, I think I slept at 3 am last night.

But.... I managed to wake up at around 9.30 am,
Thanks to Mom's AWESOME SUPER LOUD voice.
Yeap. You kinda miss mom waking you up when you're already out of the house.

The Raya plan today was to convoy to every house of our old friends.
Starting point : My house.

Of course being the person we are,
Only 2 persons came at the promised time : 10.30 am.
However, more people gradually came after that,
With FINALLY everyone arriving by 12.30 pm.

After a whole lot of discussion and debate about whose house to go to,
We finally decided to get out of my house and start our convoy.

Next Stop : Fadli's house.

We didnt get to hang out long at his house,
Because, ARE YOU KIDDING?
With so many duit raya awaiting for us out there,
We want to hang out at his house?
PFFTTT.....

And then we headed to Farah's house.
Where we had a specially made mee goreng by Farah's mom,
And basically hanged out there from 1.30 pm till 3.00 pm.

It was great just to catch up on stuffs,
After AGES and AGES of not meeting up.
Gosh. I can't even remember the last time I meet up with these people.

Of course being in the usual gang,
It was just Farah and I to 'mewakili' (whats that word in English?) the girls,
With another 8 more boys + 1 toddler.
Afiq's brother.

But but, the trip has to be cut short on my behalf,
Leaving Farah alone with another 4 more boys + 1 toddler,
Since I had to go to my aunt's house for luncheon,
And another 4 more boys had another Raya adventure to attend to.

Being very excited about Raya,
And about meeting up with old friends,
(Apart from brushing off the fact that I have finals next Wednesday)
I absolutely forgot to take any picture,
Till when I was waiting for mom to pick me up from Farah's.

Farah and Khadi. Long-lost Bestfriends.

Vain Person 1 : Malik
Vain Person 2 / Best Friend : Farah

My 'saki baki' Malay friends

Poser much? Thought so.

I just noticed how much I lack malay friends.
Scheming through the phone book to find houses we can attack that day,
Was just seemingly impossible kot?
Since half of the Malay friends I have were already at my house.
But these are what we call quality friends.
They say, quality over quantity.

Human + Toddler : Picture One

Human + Toddler : Picture 2

That's Afiq. With Arsyad in the brown tee.
Arsyad, I absolutely adore because he's sangat comel and montel.
And smart and adorable too.
Can I go on?
Ala, can't help it la. I know Arsyad even BEFORE he was born.
Because Afiq always tell about him.
I think being a poser runs in the family.
Arsyad is like 3 years old and he knows how to pose for the camera.
Kudos!

From this point onward are pictures of vain people posing,
Yes. Including yours truly.

Hilmi + Kd

Fadli + KD
(Fadli sudah tinggi!)

Nazzrin + KD
(mamat yang sangat lama tak dengar cerita!)

Hilmi + Fadli
(were, are and always will travel together. but both are VERY straight)

Malik + Khadi. Emo people.

Khadi + Heartthrob, Arsyad.
I told you he's cute.

Got to say I was sad to not being able to continue the Raya trip with them,
But not as much because I miss my cousins more.

Right after Farah's,
While these people went to Wan Fatin's house, Malik's step mother's home, and Albert's house for his birthday party cum open house,
I on the other hand went to my uncle's in Bangi,
then to Sg. Merab (godknowswherethehellthatis),
And then to Putrajaya to another uncle's house.

Later that night we went to visit my neighbour who got admitted to the hospital recently,
(He's recovering. Fear not)
And then to Aeon because brother need to geek-ify himself.
And I wanted to spend time with my siblings + find Albert a present.

The shopping session at Aeon lasted till 10.30pm,
Before we close it with a trip to A&W.
Sorry la. We lapar, havent had our dinner yet.

Fish Sandwich + Curly fries + Onion rings + Sky juice.
Because I had a lot of sugary drinks, I fear I might get diabetes.

Now, I feel un-diabetic + fat because of the 11.30pm Fish Sandwich.

Oh well!

Signing Out,
First it was Khadijah, then Kathy, then Khadi, then KDEE. Now, its KD.

I just Love Raya Cookies!

2008-09-30T05:03:00.002+08:00

Being away in Nilai made me miss a whole lot about home.
The people, the house, even the cats.
To date, i've only have 5 days of buka puasa with family,
With the other 23 days in Nilai + 2 days in Fraser's Hill.

I am even more upbeat about this year's raya because of the time spent away from the family.
Its true what they say, "you wont appreciate it till it's gone."
And I do appreciate it now that it's gone.

Supposedly if I did not get the shoes last Sunday,
Daryl offered to accompany me to Shah Alam to go shoe-shopping.
But thank god I did find the shoes,
If not I'll be stuck shoe-less for Raya as I needed to help mom bake raya cookies.

It was awesome, though we started pretty late than the original plan because I slept at 4 am talking to Arina.
Dizzy girl she is! Haha! Messin'!

We baked 4 types of cookies,
A hell lot of a lot of cookies and tempting too!

As I was excused from fasting that day,
Due to some unavoidabl excuse related to woman's nature,
I secretly pre-tested the cookies.
Sedap!! I wont lie to you.

And the feeling of spending time with Mom and sisters was absolute heaven.
I love how Raya just bring everyone together.
We chatted and laughed the whole time.
And the oh-so-delicious-looking cookies?
Dont even get me started.

I'm leaving for Johor tonight.
Up till Friday or Saturday I think?
And I'll br around till the 7th before I'm off for a week back to Nilai for Final Exam,
which I have not studied yet. EEK!
But then, 15th Oct +3 weeks after that, I'd be back to the heart of Klang, surrounded by loved ones and we're moving home then!
But that's a totally different story.

Do do book a date with me!
I need to meet up with you people!
I miss you guys a whole ton lot.
And hopefully there will be a house-warming/open house this year like I always have previous years.

And who's up for a mission to move house?
I need a lot of man power!

Gosh. It's gonna be a great raya!
I know it deep down!

To : Those related.

Selamat Hari Raya

And

Sorry for all the wrongdoings I've done before this.

Be it intentional or unintentional.

Signing Out,

Insanity comes together with raya.

p.s : 'someone', i'll deal with you after I come back from Raya hols ok? This time around I'll let you pass because unlike you, I have the heart to forgive people who trashes me for a non-existant topic about my 'boyfriend' and for commenting about my life. You're forgiven, but i'll be back to get to you on that. Hate to leave you stranded all by yourself arguing with insane shadows about crazy nuts.

xoxo, peeps!

Spirit Of Puasa + Raya

2008-09-30T04:50:00.003+08:00

That is my kasut raya.
Yeap, bought it last Saturday with Daryl and Iona.
After a meet up with Iona, Daryl, Jamie, Weiguan + 1 (go figure!)

A breakfast meet up (in fasting month) since I screwed up the night before punya meet up since I had to go to my aunt's to break fast.
Altho' I'd have to say I'm pretty much taken aback for not being able to attend it,
But I am some sort glad I didnt because turned out to be my cousin's getting engaged next week in Kuantan and my family cant make it.
So it's some sort of a pre-engagement party thing.

Been crazy nuts since I last saw these people.
Iona = 2 weeks plus
Jamie = since she left Kampar
Weiguan = since Suzanne's birthday, which was in August
Daryl = since I left for UIA kot?

Yeap. AGES since I last met them.
And Iona, frankly speaking, tak jumpa sehari pun boleh cakap tak jumpa ages.
Sha cant make it because she has church. Wish you were there, hun, because we didnt get to catch up during facial session at Iona's the day before.
And I like your pierced ears, anda nampak sangat ladylike!
Haha!

Daryl woke me up at 10 am when IONA was supposed to wake me up.
Turned out to be, the woman hasnt even wake up yet when we arrived at her crib.
Bla bla bla...
We got stranded for TWO HOURS trying to figure out where to eat when we ended up eating at Aeon Bukit Tinggi, the place I originally wanted to go shoe-shopping with Iona.

The main purpose of meeting up this time is because I have this crazy urge to meet with weiguan+1 since its a shock that I do not know about this +1 from him, but from Iona.
She's cute la wei! I like her. Bring her down more often.

We catched up on stuffs, not that much though because weiguan+1 and jamie got to leave for KL by 1 pm.
So there were just me, Iona and Daryl : shoe-shopping

Mission : to find brown heels to match my raya clothes.
Accomplishment : Mission accomplished after 2 hours of going around the mall and getting distracted every 15 minutes.

It's great to have both around and keeping up with my fussy-ness.
Cant help it! Got to find the perfect shoes for it.
Sha, you should have been there. I miss you man!

Oh well! Saje je nak boast I got a new shoes.
Haha!

Signing Out,

I am so looking forward to Raya this year eventho I have finals after this hols.

Off I Go

2008-09-19T14:23:00.002+08:00

In a few minutes I'll be heading to Fraser Hill for some induction course thingy.

I just got a really bad stomach ache all the way to Petaling Jaya campus.
I ate ice-cream at 11pm last night.
I did 2 presentations yesterday, had an account tutorial with my classmates later last night.
Yes, the lecturer trust me that much to allow me to tutor my classmates.

I didnt eat rice for 2 days already. Cause : Diet.
Next week : Raya, and I cannot wait to go balik kampung.

4 Dorm mates fell sick this week and I tended to them.
I slept at 4 am last night because I was doing my LAUNDRY.
Yeap, laundry. The washing, drying, and FOLDING. *giggles*
I miss Home.

I lack love and lack food.
Haziqah came over to visit me yesterday.
I found out someone is flirting with someone and I feel like killing that person.

Amount of assignment is KILLING me.

I met a friend from Telekom scholarship camp and she's here in PJ.

Have I updated you enough?
Friends in Klang, I MISS YOU.

P.S : I went for a radio recording session just now to send my ucapan hari raya.

Signing Out,

Arina's alone in Nilai now and I am declaring the Saving the World Week has ended.

Love Is Foolish?

2008-09-16T16:26:00.002+08:00

Recently I just did my English Listening & Speaking presentation,
Where we had to present argumentative speech on topic of our choice.
I picked 'Love is Foolish', and I dare say, by far, this is the best piece I've done.

Because there are girls close to tears as I ended my speech.
Pretty awesome eh?
Just posting it up to be shared with everyone.

" There's this song that goes something like this,
"Wise man says, Only fools rush in,
But I can't help falling in love,
Falling in love with you."

Love is everywhere. Love bonds a mother to her children, bonds a man to a woman, bonds a stranger to another stranger, and bonds a human to a non-human.
Love has built a kingdom, love has destroyed a kingdom.
Love has caused death, love has caused life.
Love blinds, love opens the eyes. Love, love, love.
That was how powerful love is. So much has been said and told about love.

The good, the bad and the ugly side of love. Have we talked enough about love? We keep going on and on about love. Because, frankly speaking, no one is ever sick of love.
We all need this thing called love.
And then, one day, this particular saying existed, " Love is foolish."
Is love foolish, ladies and gentlemen?
To me, I strongly believe that love is not foolish.

Love is what that makes the world go round. This is why love is not foolish.
The fact is, love is unavoidable as it is everywhere. Love is the essence of living itself; love is the essence of the world.
There is more to love than just between a male and a female;
You may be emotionally detached but no one can deny the fact that there has to be at least a cell of love in that person's body; if not for anyone, but at least for oneself?

To quote an English poet, "He who never love, never lived."
This shows the significance of love in our lives, as love resembles a part of who we are today.
Therefore, how can love be foolish if it is there, as a part of us. No matter how hard we try sometimes, we simply cannot rub off the fact that we do need love to go on with life.
All I'm saying is that if we say this thing called love – that has been a part of our life, throughout these living years – as foolish, what would that make you and I, ladies and gentlemen, fools?
Ponder upon that for a moment.

Moving on to my second point as to why love is not foolish.
Love is not foolish because it is not love's fault at the first place that things turn out the way they are.
We see tragic love stories of the past such as Romeo and Juliet that took their own life at the age of 14 in the name of love.
We heard of how Cleopatra ended her majestic life, all in the name of love.
These people may be stupid to end their lives in the name of love, but think again, ladies and gentlemen,
How is it so that these stupid acts of fools in the name of love be given the right to tarnish the food name of love?
We should all step back and see that some things are meant to turn out the way they did.

Some turned out good, some do not. But this is how the world goes around. We have to lose something for something else to be gained, be it in love or life.
After all, love is not foolish as some might have claimed because love itself is the ultimate power.
We are the living witness of great things the world can do in the name of love.
We are the living proofs of how our mothers' will to risk their lives for the sake of bringing us into this world.
We've seen a man giving away his hard-earned money to the needy ones.
All of these deeds are done in the name of love.

Not only that, there are great artworks and pieces made in the name of love. Let me name some, people like William Shakespeare with his hundreds of sonnets and Elvis Presley with his last-through-the-test-of-time love songs.

Love is indeed so powerful and strong because of love, our Prophet Muhammad saw has prayed at his death bed for all the pain of death inflicted on his people be borne on him,
For he could not stand the thought of having his people suffer so much pain.
There is no doubt that people tend to be very blinded by love.
So much so to the extent that they make mistakes that they regret later in the future.
Love has blinded them so badly that they fail to see beyond their loved ones and made them forget about themselves.
The cause of living has diverted from living for oneself to living for the loved one; which proves that love is foolish.

However, I still have to disagree with the statement that love is foolish. This is simply due to the fact that it is the people that make the mistakes. The fact is that love does not screw up because love is incapable of screwing someone's life.

Love is a natural entity that does not take side nor affect you in any way.

It boils down to how we acted upon love and how we behave around it that truly determines the definition of love in one's perspective.
Of course there are tragic love stories, but then again, not every love story ends tragically and not everyone has tragic love ending.

It is all up to us and how we act, which truly matters when it comes to love.

All in all, love is there in all of us. Love is the essence of life.
Both you and I cannot deny love or run away from it because it is a part of us.
If only we all could throw away the hatred towards love, the past heart breaks and the tragic relationships of the past,
And allow love to be given the chance of being looked at from a perspective free from judgment and stereotypes, maybe then we can see how great love can be; and how lucky we are to feel it.

Sometimes, bitter experiences of the past forces us to perceive love as of it is an evil feeling to have. Therefore, I suggest we give love a chance of being seen through eyes free from judgments and prejudice. Again, I would like to emphasize that love is not foolish."

Thank you.

Rock On Weekend

2008-09-01T11:50:00.002+08:00

In about few hours from now, I'd be returning back to Nilai.
It has been indeed a really great weekend, spending time with friends.
Not so much with family, which is pretty upsetting but I shall make it up to them.

Returning back from Nilai, I was accompanied by Haziqah from Bangi,
And later joined by her boyfriend in Serdang, who left at Shah Alam station leaving just the two of us up till Teluk Gadong.

Sleeping in and waking up at 3 pm on Saturday,
I was indeed a happy woman.
Cant recall the last time I slept in.
Like really wallop sleep in.

The day was 'started' with a meet-up with Aisha,
An hour later than the promised time.
Due to unavoidable causes.

We were joined by Iona later,
Who was just done with her meet up with Jamie, PeiYin, Darren and Bel.
We walked for another few hours (I was in my killer pumps. which was a bad mistake!)
Before finally deciding to crash mamak for dinner.

The thing I miss about Klang is the mamak,
Since Nilai has non-existant mamak around.

We settled for the usual choice of practically all the post, present, and future STARians.
Modern.

Walking in,
We saw Cherylyn, Brendan, Vignes, Jacklyn and Lay Kuan on the same table.
After serious screaming and hugging moment,
A meet up that was supposed to be up close and personal turned into a huge one.

Basically catching up on stuffs,
Gosh, I do miss Klang a whole lot.

While we were busy catching up on stuffs,
Another old mate of ours came.
Suzanne.

So I was shouting her name half way across the block,
And got practically everyone staring at my table,
But it's ok.
It felt like school all over again.

Then on Sunday,
I woke up at 2 pm after being deeply annoyed by the text messages that flowed in.
I ignored half of them till like few hours later (sorry text sender!)
And then I was out (AGAIN).
But this time with Farah and Malik.

Been about close to 3 months since we last see each other.
So we basically walked around, sit and have a drink or two.
And just catch up on each other's life.

Got to leave early because it's fasting day the next day.

And today, just woke up, sent the papers I am supposed to print for Malik to his house,
Went to Starfly to get some Harlequin's books for my classmate back in Nilai,
And am here the past two hours typing this post away.

I've been wanting to change the blog skin.
And I've found some really good ones last night.
But doubt I'd have the time to actually do that now,
Since I have not pack, have not do my homework and I have not even buy groceries yet.

Therefore, there might be a conclusion that the new blog skin won't be up till Raya.
Since I wont be coming back the next 3 weeks.
I have activities over at the campus.
Yes! I am sad too. I'm gonna miss home BAD.

But oh well, till Raya comes,
Please do do do take care of yourself.
And I shall find time somehow to meet you guys.
And anything, you know how to reach me right?

Before I end this post,
I would like to take this chance to wish :

SELAMAT HARI MERDEKA!

(i know. I am a day late)

SELAMAT BERPUASA TO ALL THE MUSLIMS OUT THERE

and lastly,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SHAZ!

(yeap. my LV dude)

Oh well! Got to run and get ready. We're celebrating his birthday this evening.

Lots and Lots and lots of hugs,

KDEEEEE.

Random

2008-08-31T05:04:00.002+08:00

I think I need a new blogskin.

This one is pretty dull,

What do you think?

Signing Out,

Male with gender-related remarks =Sexist

Female with gender-related remarks = Feminist

Got the Blogging Spirit Back!

2008-08-31T02:33:00.009+08:00

(credit to Safwan for the Khadi in MNG jacket before we got tegur-ed to stop taking picture since you're not allowed to. Opps!)
I've never really did blog about my life in Nilai.
Basically because I dont have anything to blog about there.

But recently (a month plus ago) I found really good friends over there,

And this is shocking, but I enjoyed my life there.

These are basically all the people that I hang out with.

Yes, in class, during lunch and dinner and practically everywhere.

Beware : Extreme Exposure of Guys.

Yes. Basically I hang out with guys a whole lot over there.

And the only real true girl friend I have there is Arina.

And the other Arinah. Whom I don't have the picture with now.

But then again, her friends are also almost all boys.

So yeah, I don't really have female friends.

(p.s : I know you're reading this, and i love you to death, but this is too cute to not be put here. LOL!)

It's not that I did not try to make friends with the girls.
Neither did Arina.
We did (sort of.)
But we just couldn't "ngam" with the girls.

I just HAVE to be different there.
Be all non-conformist and all.
And Arina is basically just the same with me (which is why we instantly clicked)
So these girls feel awkward mingling with us (vice versa),
And they give occasional stares at us.

These girls are generally very nice people.

But Arina and I just dont belong to the group.

I know that we are being potrayed in their eyes as either :-

1 - Sluts. Not those gedik-gedik type. Just the kind that are always surrounded with boys.

2 - Stuck-up and sombong peeps who think they're too good for anyone

3 - Basically, lesbo. Since Arina and I practically hang out EVERYWHERE together. She even sleeps in my room.

To clarify things,

Firstly, we're not sluts. It's just that we dont know how to mingle with that kind of people, referring to the girls.

Yes, we're the female-friends-making handicaps. Just the other day, Arina left me alone with a bunch of girls class mates of mine and a guy while she went to buy us food. I couldn't get into the conversation like normal people do, and basically every attempt to penetrate into the conversation was a definite failure. I figuratively got thrown out of the conversation.

Secondly, I may look stuck-up-ish, BUT I am not. It's just that it's how my natural face look like. And we do not hang out with rich kids (who consist half of my class) because they're rich, but because of who they are. And we speak English practically everywhere because I am used to speaking English 18 hours per day in Klang and Arina just suck in her BM.

These people think we love going around boasting that we speak English because we thought speaking BM is degrading and we hang around rich kids because we think other normal kids are not good enough for us.

This is a very stupid statement and university students should know this better.

Thirdly, we're not lesbo. We're just super awesomely close friggin' friends that travel together everywhere. And Arina is generally a very loving person, so she randomly hugs people and say she loves them (and mean it) at anytime of the day. And we love spending time together. Does that makes us lesbo? Those people think weird.

We know we're not the typical Malay ladies.

We're loud and boisterous.

Tak tahu malu and VERY open-minded.

And we're not as ladylike as 3 quarter of the female population there.

Which makes it even harder for us to mingle with the girls.

We laugh too loud, We are too open-minded, we're what they call as "terlalu bebas" especially with boys and we do not talk softly like most of 'them'.

But seriously, by now, I don't care anymore. Neither does Arina. Because we both have each other over there. Anything and everything happens, we know we ALWAYS have each other to depend on. In fact, if the girls do not want to befriend with us, we don't mind. Because we both promised to be there for each other. Like what we always say, "We travel in pairs. Take one, have to take us both."

Thank god the boys are open enough to take us in.

Weekends away from home were definitely filled with a whole lot of fun.

A whole lot of EXPENSIVE FUN.

Fun that aches my wallet these days.

But fun is still fun no matter what.

Haha!

From watching The Dark Knight, to playing bowling (and finding out that I terribly suck in it), to hanging out in Secret Recipe, and celebrating a friend's birthday 3 weeks before his actual birthday, and down right till almost getting killed in a car crash,

All of them spelt fun. True definition of fun.

Moving on to introductory of people I generally hang out with at Nilai.

"Arina"

Basically I see her all the time. Excluding the few hours of sleep. Morning up till late of night. It's Arina, Arina, Arina.

A really, really nice and thoughtful person. Generally a very sarcastic person, but when she loves, she really loves.

She's a real definition of fun and she keeps me off thinking about home and my best friends ever so often. Fear not dear friends, I am well taken care of over there.

Things really are crazy with her, sometimes good crazy, sometimes bad crazy.

But that's the thing with Arina. She's just a crazy girl.

And thank god I found her, because i'd be emotionally deranged if I am still alone by now.

"Ikmal"

This dude is just simply closed up. Wouldn't tell a bit about himself, till like LONG after we know him. Finally he's opening up to us. Not that much, but thankfully, getting there.

Yeap, he's cute and I am not even going to lie. A true gentleman who carries a lady bag for her, gives his seat to old lady in the train and wears lip balm for health purposes (chapped lips),

I absolutely salute this man. He works out (hot biceps. teeheehee!), has really good fashion sense and generally a very protective person to his friends.

Although he's ever so comfortable with us now that he's BRUTALLY HONEST about everything (yes, our weights, our heights, our actions, EVERYTHING), and he dares to play pranks on us,

He's generally a very nice person and a great friend.

"Safwan"

This dude is generally a very emotional person. Loving and caring at heart, he beats me when it comes to emotions. He's better at being emotional than I am.

I look emotion-less next to him. Been a really great company to us and despite people teasing him for who he is, he always get our support in whatever he does.

Arina and I have officially announced that we are Safwan's support system. Where we will go to him WHENEVER he needs us, he's feeling down or sad, and would BELASAH anyone who disturbs him.

Yeap. I sound like some ah long now. But he's a nice man.

"Shaz"

Shaz is the new addition to the group. Yeap. The one in pink.

He's that kind of dude that belongs to the rare population of people, "Not Looking Gay In Pink" kind of people.

A part-time model, he's Louis Vuitton all the way. Bag, to belt to wallet. A proud owner of Louis Vuitton items.

Man with sweet words, we know from how he calls us that he's a very loving person. A very fun person, based on our first outing together (till today), I am eager to know more about him.

And you got to agree with me, he's pretty cute right?

Moving on to the people I don't hang out with that much.

(I dont hang out that much with them, so you cant expect me to tell much about them. I just want you to know who they are. that's all. :) )

Left to right : Safwan, Ikmal, San and Asyraf.

Left to Right : Safwan, Fatin and Liyana

Left to Right : Ikmal and Zamir.

And also pictures from our previous outing.

"arina and kdee."

I told you I wasnt lying. That, fellow blog-ders, is Louis Vuitton bag. And I am the proud owner of it (for that moment.) What?! Do you think I'll ever get near that item ever again in my life?That is going to be the closest I am going to be to a Louis Vuitton item, EVER in my life.

"Ikmal and Shaz"

Please, please, please do ENVY me because I have hot friends. *evil grin*

"arina with her pretend-to-be boyfriend" and she loves this picture.

"kdee and ikmal"

He sucks at smiling. But I cant possibly turn down the offer of taking a picture with him, can i?

*weird smile*

"The Foursome. We Rock. We Talk. AND we're all about FUN."

*points at Louis Vuitton bag, AGAIN*

" 4 + 1 "

"One part-time model. The other two, just plain wannabe. But are doing a good job at it."

Signing Off,

"Shaz. Arina. Safwan and Ikmal looking extremely happy while Khadi got stuck on the other side of the camera. Pffttt... :]"

Emotional Week

2008-08-24T23:11:00.002+08:00

Been ages since I last updated this blog.
I know I have not been doing my blog any justice, nor the readers (if there's any left by now),
But I really needed the weeks off and away from you people, the blog, the past and basically everyone.

Fear not, whoever's reading this blog,
Because I am pretty fine over here.
I've got friends, awesome ones, to keep me all bubbly and hyper,
Late night sessions (and waking up late for classes the next day) to fill my days,
So I can safely say I'm pretty alright.

But I do miss home a whole lot now.
It's been almost 3 weeks since I am last home,
So been whining about how much I miss Klang and its peeps.

Moving on to why I am blogging right now,
It's simply because this one is worth blogging.

So last week was a really crazy week.
Which explained why I wanted this weekend to myself.
To sit down, re-evaluate and make up for the missing nights of homework.
But that didn't happened.
But then again, not here to talk about that.

So, this week is like super crazy I had to start with Sunday.
Ok, Arina just said I cant write that.
(Arina is this crazy girl I haven't got the chance to talk about. I'll dedicate a CRRAAZZEEEE post for her, SOMEDAY. Not gonna be anytime soon.)

We'll go with Monday.
Oh wait! She said no to writing about monday too.
So sorry peeps! Kill her. She made me not write it.

Moving on to Tuesday.

Tuesday was WILD!!
This is what happened.

So, I had this big bottle right here in Nilai.
I carried it like practically EVERYWHERE. But that particular day, I was fasting.
So you cant actually bring the bottle around. I can't resist the temptation.
So the bottle was happily sitting on the upper bunk bed (my bed) the WHOLE DAY.
Up till like 12-ish, when my dorm mate was like lying down on the floor nearby my bed,
And the bottle ROLLED OFF.
Right in front of my eyes.
1 litre of water in a big bottle.
BAM! Hit her on the cheek.
She was shivering in pain, the cheek was blue and I FREAKED OUT.
Went down to the guard, who was fucking ignorant, didnt want to send her to hospital,
After a whole lot of lies and anger,
I was in the ambulance at 1 am, on the way to Seremban Hospital.

Cut story short,
We went from Hospital Seremban, to Senawang to Nilai then lastly to Putrajaya,
Fromm 1 am till 5.30 am.
Trying to find a bloody clinic or a hospital with x-ray.
My night was well-spent re-evaluating my karma in an ambulance.
Glamorous night eh?

Then on Wednesday,
Some pompous drama about ARINA, her classmate , my classmate and a whole lot of miscommunications.
I was drained.
Drained of emotions and energy to even go over the details again.
It's more FUN speaking face-to-face.
So, DO ask me.
(I didn't really mean that.)

Thursday,
The continuation of the Wednesday drama.
Gila shit tiring to go over this too.
Somehow, everything got worst that day,
I fell sick, She was upset.
We were generally very upset, sad, pathetic and tired people.
Yeap. We were even cranky to lecturers.
*rolls eyes*

Friday was the peak of the drama week.
A friend whom I've never got the chance to talk about decided to leave us.
God knows if it's for good, or because he misses home
(Though I doubt he actually misses home because he's having a whole lot FUN here, hanging out in KLIA at 1 am because it's FUN??!)
Anyway,being the nice friends we were,
Arina, Safwan (I'll talk about them some other time ok?) and me, and another dude who drove us there went to send this friend off to KLIA.

Actually we went to LCCT, he got the wrong information,
We had to get to KLIA pronto.
Some betting happened in the car
(Sarah, don't tell any of our family relatives about this)
And the dude who drove us there was driving like a MANIAC.

Note to witnesses of Daryl's driving : You think Daryl's dangerous? You should see this guy! Put daryl next to this guy, Daryl's a SAFE driver. That was how dangerous he was driving.

AND a hell lot of speeding (Iona, Sha, I've got to tell you live. Remind me to)
We reached the roundabout,
And fellow friends and family,
You guys almost LOST me.

Yes. I almost died on the way to KLIA.

There were this HUGE trailer right in front of our car,
When we were taking this turn at the roundabout,
So it was our fault,
And for that one moment,
I thought,
"This is it. I'm gonna die."

But thank god (not so much tho') another car hit us from the side.
The car went up a bit, almost toppled, but didnt really toppled,
Car badly dented but no one was hurt.
So yeah, I can go around now saying,
"I ALMOST died because of a car crash."

Bla bla bla...the next thing we knew,
We saw the last sight of our dear friend,
And 3 of us were crying in the middle of the airport.

Not beautiful?
I thought so too.

Thank god it's a wrap when the clock striked midnight.
No one could take the week as well as we did.
We managed, we survived,
We LIVED to tell the story here.

Well, actually more of me telling the story and ARINA sitting next to me, fixing my grammar.
Yeap. She had to stare at the screen with me.

Oh well!!

I do miss home a whole lot now.
I miss Iona and Aisha and peeps in Klang,
I miss mamak food, I miss home, I miss my cats,
I miss basically everything.

When I'm back to Klang,
I'll update you guys with lots and lots of pics.
And when the line's less sucky.
Unlike here in Nilai.
PPPffttt.....

Tonnes of hugs, love and kisses,

Screaming my head off in Nilai.

It's Over And Done With

2008-08-24T22:57:00.002+08:00

I'msingleandavailablenow.

Yes,nomoreusbetweenmenandDaryl.

Ok. Move on people.

And yes, we still keep in touch.

Got a problem with that?

Signing Out,

Just wanted to get it over and done with.

He Said It's Ok For Me To Take My Time

2008-08-07T14:42:00.003+08:00

I'm not ready to face the world yet.

Can I keep it to myself first,

And tell when I am less heart-broken?

Signing Out,

Khadi

I Wish

2008-07-20T02:16:00.003+08:00

I wish I didn't introduce anyone from my life in this blog because it'd be so much easier talking about someone who you people don't know so that no one gets hurt.

I wish this blog was made private so that I can easily rant about everything and anything.

I am super hyper right now, like really really hyper and it's 2 am!

I have no idea why I am hyper,

But I know I just talked on the phone with 3 friends of mine for like 2 hours ++ and I am hyper from the talking!!!!

My friend just told me she's getting engaged in 3 years time.

And she's like booked now.

As in like a step ahead from the status girlfriend but not yet in the status fiancee of someone.

And no, I am not telling who.

No matter who you are.

I like medicine a whole lot!

Like really really a whole lot,

That I don't mind eating medicine EVERYDAY.

Seriously!

(told you I'm hyper now!)

Dad's and Muaz's bicycles got stolen like last last week,

And the neighbour caught the thief last week,

Because the thief tried stealing the neighbour's son's bicycle.

Wicked and hilarious!

And I am so so so into playing truancy that I think truancy beats goody-two-shoes like a million times!!

To date, I didn't meet my best friends for 2 weeks plus already,

And I miss them a whole lot.

My scholarship money is in, which means KA-CHING! KA-CHING! but Mom warned me to save up on the money,

Because.....

I'm a big spender and proud of it.

(Haha! Spender. Macam underwear spender. I am so funny. Spender. Hahaha!!)

I am not very sensible today.

Shits happened.

Tralalalalala!!

Signing out,

I'm High