Friday, December 15, 2006

They Should Trust Me More

Well, today I am feeling very happy with a lil bit of guilt.
Well, today..I have turned to a small monster by sneaking out to mamak's..
To meet up with my friends...
And not telling my mom till 15 minutes before reaching mamak's stall.
Yup, and I only informed her when I am at school..supposingly doing my add math project.
Hahaha...and by 4 pm..I am already at a friend's house in Chi Liung.

Hahahha...I know right now the correct human feeling is to feel dead guilty about it and stuff like that.But then again, 'Being Normal Is OverRated'.
And by night, mommy started to complain to Dad about what I did today.
And she scolded me for like half an hour, while I was 'listening' in the room, in front of the television.

And thanks to today's mischief, I think going out ANYWHERE with FRIENDS will be twice harder than before without forgetting that before this is like 5 times harder.
You should see how my mom told my dad on how I did not ask for permission,how I went to a friend's house that's like at the other end of the road when the last time my mom checked, she thinks she dropped me off at the other end of the road, at how I asked her permission 15 minutes before reaching there (well...actually it's more to informing rather than asking for permission), and how I was out for far too long since I went out at 9 am and only returned at 4 pm.

Eventho' I think those accusations are indeed very true, I think she's just over-exaggerating it.
C'mon, I am 16 years old! 2 more friggin years till before I leave the house, OFFICIALLY.
I seriously think that they both should give me more freedom to go out and you know..GO OUT!
I am not asking much, it's just that I think I deserve to have more freedom than the freedom given to a 10 years old.
P.S : Did you know before this I never went out at night to go to my friend's house and I never attend any birthday parties of my friends? Well, not until Iona's one. Hers was the first time I actually go out at night and attend a birthday party.
See now, who's exaggerating?

And you should see my mom's warning sms by 3 pm asking me to go home to pray. (Which I already did at a friend's house, BEFORE she sms-ed me)
Frankly speaking (eventho' I cannot believe this is coming out of my mouth), I think my mom and my dad did a fabulous work in teaching me and guiding me all my life. All my growing-up phase.
Now look at their daughter, I am so proud of myself!
So if I am proud of myself, then I have to say, it must have to do with great parents right?

So what if I got a lil mislead along the way? It is certainly not their faults.
And thanks to them I am already back on the right path.
I know, I am the most mischievous child among all their children.
I even beat the record of making my mom angry the most, getting the most scoldings, getting the most pinching, spanking and the only child that managed to make my mom lock out of the house for 5 times!
Talk about record-breaker. Anyway, I am never really proud of that part of my childhood.
And so what if I managed to leave a frightful scar on every single members of my family by either bullying them or disobeying them eventho' that's like the 1237th time I've been scolded for the same thing or even sometimes just pretending not to care?

I stopped making my mom angry by the time I am form 2 (well, ok maybe not stop, but I reduced the amount), I grew out of the phase of listening to my mom's scoldings (I guess beating those records, I got immune to it), I successfully made my mom stop pinching me or causing me pain in any other way when I do fault by the time I'm in Std.6 and managed to NOT force my mom to lock me out of the house by the time I'm in Std. 3.
I also stopped bullying any of my siblings by form 1 (I got bored of the same scolding, crying and fun by then but at least I managed to get out of that habit) and I also listened to my parents (MOST of the times).
I never leave any of my religious responsibilities ON PURPOSE, and I obliged EVERY chores that I am supposed to do (eventho' I did not do it straight away). I don't even complain while doing those stuffs!

See, I have certainly improved a WHOLE LOT thanks to them.
Ok, fine, I might be a lil rebellious and I don't heed their advices sometimes,
But I am just an almost-growing-up daughter of them.
Even if I messed up sometimes, I know how to clean the mess, get my butt out of the mess I made or avoid the same mistake in the future.
And I even know VERY WELL of my limits and boundaries on certain stuffs thanks to them for not giving up in implemeting those limits in my stubborn head.

Wanna test how well I know my limits?
1. I am not allowed to have any boyfriend till I finish school (which I did follow till now)
2. I am not allowed to go out without permission ( Ok, I break this rule sometimes but that's like once in 5 years or so - when the warning sort of fade with time)
3. Bad results means bad things going to happen to me
4. Not allowed to go out with guys ANYWHERE
5. Not allowed to go watch movie with ANY OF MY FRIENDS
6. Not allowed to take any public transport UNLESS they are very sure on how I am going to go somewhere and get back home in the same way I left
7. My curfew ends at 7 pm
8. No BOYS are allowed to call my house
9. No skipping schools with no good reasons
10. No playing in the rain
11.I can only go out and play when it's 6 pm and return home by 7 pm. Any outing before or after ESPECIALLY without permission will result in me being locked out of my house mom feels like it.
12. To go out anywhere, I have to have a reason.

And there's more, which I can't really think right now.
And I am perfectly fine (most of the times) with those rules.
I can even predict what my mom or dad will say when I do something.
That's how almost-obedient (can't say obedient coz I break rules sometimes) I am.
So, I know what to do and what's not.

With all these stated,
All I wanted to say is,
I am thankful that they have such limits and rules implemented in me since I was small,
and eventho' sometimes I do feel angry with them, I can see now that it's all for my own good.
And even if sometimes I break rules, I have a very good reason to do so, or not-so-good reason to do so. (For the sneaking out, my reason is My Brain Wasn't Functioning Very Good Due to Lack Of Sleep)
And I am not going to change anytime in near future.
All I wanted is them to have more trust in me and what I am doing.
At the end of the day, I know, they're always right. (well, most of the times).

So, I am sorry for screwing up today,
And I'll try my best to NOT do such things in the future..
But I bet if they would trust me more, then this would not have been the issue after all.

Signing Out,
Repented (but Happy in a twisted way) Khadi!

No comments: