THIS IS IT.
the finals are starting tomorrow.
and i am doing EVERYTHING but studying.
guess i need tonnes and tonnes of g'luck.

should be freaking out. but am not quite yet.
should i be worried?

one thing i hate when i walk is,
to have a freaking herd of women BREEZE WALKING in front on me.

yes. ive phrased it correctly.
so far, ive managed to duck the existance of this particular species of human in my campus, for numerous times.
only several unlucky times got me stuck moving at glacial pace because these bloody freaking no-sense-of-time-appreciation women do not have the freaking manner to freaking not block the freaking pathway (which is not big to begin with; and especially when its going up the hill, where if you are anywhere but on the pathway, you'll die of tragic death due to falling from the hill or have your head hit on the number of rocks surrounding you) and give way for OTHER PEOPLE who are IN A HURRY TO GO BACK TO HER ROOM BECAUSE ITS HOT LIKE F**K and in a hurry.
ugh.


im filled with anger. most definitely.
i actually took 15 mins walk TAILGATING them;when the usual distance would take me 5-8mins. and i eavesdrop. TOO BAD LA SUCKERS! siapa suruh macam bangang lambat?

and they gave ME the dirty look for eavesdropping.
well, too bad. if you would have a tad bit of manner to begin with, after probably the 5th minute of me TAILGATING you, you would have CLEARED some SPACE for me to pass.
i dont need that bloody much space to pass okay?

EVERY SINGLE TIME I wanna overtake them, EVERY SINGLE TIME,
they either ignored the existance of me,
or they gave a space for like 5secs before blocking the WHOLE FREAKING PATHWAY TO THEMSELVES.
wth la.
and guess how many people was it?
THREE!! THREE!!! ARRRGGHHHH!!!!

either UIA needs to create a bigger pathway,
or these girls are fat.
yes, im saying it.
THESE. GIRLS. ARE. FAT.

god im pissed.

im finally done with selections.
i sucked. real bad.
but im just glad its over and done with.

off to next year's selections then! :)

ive made a point to update this blog as frequent as possible,
judging from the fact that im pretty much free and bored at this hour.

its been a very long weekend last weekend.
ive been to a debate tournament that got delayed 4 hours, and then another 1 and a half hour after the motion being released, stretching to us having 3 rounds of debate until 10.30pm.

yes. i was tired. i was cranky. and i was jumpy. and i was ruthless.
so thirst for that feeling of going into quarter finals, my mind was set to one thing, "ill do anything, ANYTHING to have that feeling".

of course things didnt go well when we believed it should have, thanks to amateur judges and also bad justifications.
those who SHOULD HAVE+COULD have gone into quarter finals, didnt get too.
i guess its true at the end of the day, "either you get into quarter finals, or you don't".

if you're good, you're good. if you're not, then too bad.
ahhh..very vicious world.

i had a terrible breakdown too yesterday, being so upset on how the decision of the last round turned out to be. because it was either me going in or not.
its so close you could smell it, and then someone come passes by and fart into your face. thus the smell is gone.
oh well, next tournament then.

on a fairly out-of-the-debate-talk note,
i've got two mid sem exams this week. a quiz tomorrow and debate selections this weekend.
i've been killing myself missing home and friends and leisure because of THIS selection, so im really rooting on doing very well.
i've been loading my brain with FACTS, MATTER AND MORE FACTS.
which is obviously not enough.

you know when it is enough when you start having dreams about the facts you read, and your mind subconsciously analyze the arguments while you're walking on a fine, relaxing afternoon going back to class, simply because you have nothing else to think.
bad. i know :)

what else? hmmm i just got my period yesterday.
which comes along with the crappiest, most painful period pain, EVER.
it was so painful i wanted to slap bib on the face for asking "sayang, are you alright?"
i mean like, REALLY, do i look alright?
it got slightly better after a menstrual panadol, 6 hours of sleep and 4 hours on the phone with arina.
and more sleep today.
in fact i just woke up from my sleep.
haih. i love sleeping.

my uncle passed away yesterday. something about the blood vessel in his brain exploded or such, twas on life support and they took off the plug.
im missing out on his funeral because mom and dad are going today. i cant come because i got classes.
and i didnt wanna trouble them.

this weekend, we're having some sort of kenduri for my granddad's 40 days' since he passed away, which i am going to miss too, because of selections.

im making a lot of sacrifices for debate, i believe i should get somewhere in debate.
a lot of sacrifices, and not really getting anywhere sucks.

and yinxian, i miss you too. very much.
god i miss just purely hanging out with my friends.
i saw iona last weekend for exactly half an hour, and even then i didnt get to talk much because we went to haziqah's open house.

oh well. some things have to be forgone to obtain other things.
opportunity cost. so principle of microeconomics.

and its been almost 3 to 4 months since i started the semester,
3 months since i signed an agreement for my scholarship,
2 months since the closing date to submit my scholarship.
one question : where is my scholarship money?

ive not seen, heard or smell my scholarship money in this short period of time,
kinda make me wonder if they're just scamming us into signing an agreement, so they can have fresh undergraduates like us working for them in the peak 6-7 years of my working life.
Does anyone know when JPA will be giving me my scholarship money?

oh well oh well.

enuff ranting for today. g'day everyone!

What have i done so far?

I have been successfully missing from the blogging world, ULTIMATELY, only to come and update every one (or two) months.
I have also secretly blog-hops and a pretty frequent visitor of my best friends' blog.

I got myself a new skin. something livelier. I thought the last one was ugly, and the box doesnt fit. i mean like seriously, whatthehell la.aiyoh.

I havent been updating because, i havent been inspired, too busy or too lazy.
and half the time im inspired, im either a) fighting with bib, b)walking alone back or to classes, c)when i have sleepless night. (not often, but there have been days like that)

ive been absolutely kicked out of the social world because i am incompetent of being in there anymore.
i cant even carry a decent conversation, and ive long given up on making friends here. like LITERALLY. im nice, i smile. but never making it a point to make friends.
which results in me having exactly TWO people to hang out with in Gombak. Bib or Awenah.
or i'll be in my room, sleeping. like today.
where ive successfully slept since 2 pm till 6.45pm because i was out from 8.50am on tuesday till 12.45 am the next day because of classes and debate.

yes. told you i've got no time to make friends.

what happened this week?
the last weekend was a total disaster because my world was muted down, for yours truly lost her voice. she was only competent of mere whispering, and only texting. no phone calls CAN be taken during the weekend.
ugh.

the condition lasts up till today,although i am much better now, i cant help but to feel choked EVERY SINGLE time i sleep.i'll choke, and then start coughing for the next 15 mins. odd. tell me about it.
my medicine is out, so ive got to restock.

ive also did an EXTENSIVE research on Lisbon Treaty, to a point that i was subconsciously analysing Lisbon Treaty in my dream.
not to mention the series of nightmares ive been having the past few days.

i missed a visit to see my best friend before she's back from Penang, because i was stuck in Finance trying to settle the problem of University's incompetency in clearing my unsettled tuition fees thus resulting me to not being able to register for next semester when I FRIGGIN PAID THE FRIGGIN FEES BEFORE THE CLOSING DATE, WITH CHEQUE. ugh. bangang.
and the result to University's incompetency, i missed my one and only chance to see arina for the first time since the past one month plus and the next two months plus. and also having 3 out of 6 classes that i want to register for closed, because EVERYONE ELSE FREAKIN REGISTERED FOR IT ALREADY AND NOW ITS FULL.

ive got acc quiz today, which sucked because i know shit about LIFO and FIFO. well i did, but i forgot. so yeah.

and ive got stats exam tomorrow, and currently in DESPERATE need for enlightment because i know shits about stats too.
and then after a row of classes that last till 5pm, ive got debate training after that. which i havent done the assignment and research for.gasp.

and on friday, ive got replacement class after friday prayers, and some group discussion or some sort and last minute cramming for saturday's tournament.

god. i need a break. i need to go home. i need home. i need my best friends.
aiyaiyaiyai.

i think i accidentally pissed arina off.
and she's too angry to talk to me.

i think im having gastric because of the frequent stomach ache.

i think im becoming very selfish these days.

i think im not nice anymore.

i think a good baskin robbins ice cream would do me good.

i think that i need more sleep.

i think that my friends in klang are going to be so pissed when they know im not coming back anytime soon.

i think a good hefty sum of money would do me good, at this time, OR ANY TIME *grins*

i think im just plain lazy.

and btw, someone died in UIA. drown in swimming pool. hope he did rest in peace. Al-Fatihah.

p.s : i got talentime in my laptop! *jumps around*

so apparently i think my laptop has crashed. like dead crashed crashed.
i shall be blaming my brother's hard drive for his stupid virus-infested hard drive.
babi btol. everything went crashing down, and BOOM. now everything stopped working.
so im dumping this laptop at home, or rather leave it to nurse, to my dad's friend who does this funky computer stuffs.
so that means that off the laptop for the next one or two weeks or so.
i'll try to conquer someone else's laptop i.e habib's or something.
but again, IM ALWAYS REACHABLE via handphones.

so how was this week?
it wasnt absolutely stunning. pretty sucky i have to say lah.
to start with, i have exactly 3 pimples on my right cheek, which i successfully popped because they're there, right on my face, and i cant stand staring at them.
but since i popped them, to quote Arinah, now "they're staring into EVERYONE's face" because its so OBVIOUS, its like depressing.

ive been tired, moody and bitchy almost half of the week.
because the week sucks.
to start with, the movie 'Obsessed' was really good, but fucked up your mind like really bad. like really really bad. especially if you watch it with your boyfriend.
and to think how fucked up it is, its like this guy is married to Beyonce, and he ALMOST cheated on Beyonce. I mean, HELLO! its BEYONCE. whoever cheats on Beyonce?

and then my second day, was just fucking fucked up. i mean waking up early in the morning+sucky sleep at nite+the worst 'visit of the month'+walking around campus with 5 bloody thick-ass textbooks+finding out that you got a scholarship that bonds you to the govt for SIX YEARS. yes. that basically sums up my second day.

then i also, not to forget, dented mr.boyfriend's car. only a bit, but he's NEVER letting go of this, because it happened right in front of his eyes.

see? i told you. i just tend to get into trouble, a whole lot of it.

3rd day, quality sleep. 8pm till 4am. awesome gile.
4th day, more quality sleep. 8pm till 7 am. mwahahhahahahaa! i woke up a very contented soul. :)

god, i love sleeping.

friday, boring, altho we ate at this really nice place, "Charms" at OU, which is not bad. twas fun lah. not that expensive either.
but eating at "Charms" and watching 'Jeepers Creepers' is not exactly the finest dining experience one can get.
I cannot stand 'Jeepers Creepers' lah. Very scary. my heart was still beating as if its gonna come off anytime, HALF AN HOUR LATER.

and i have touch'n'go. *dances around productively*

and today, i went to see Iona because she's sick. which she doesnt look like,when i came to see her.
we ended up doing random stuffs i.e going through her closets, talking about gays and transvestites and watching gay clips on youtube. Oh, and coming up with theories on being gays. Habib joined us for like 15 mins, through the phone, bitching about gays too. He's not bad of a bitching partner la sometimes.

and then i went to see malik, whom ive not seen for close to two months already, only for a whilw because i went to buy baju raya!

im so excited about this year's raya, and i have no idea why.
and my baju raya is SO PRETTY!!!! *beaming with happiness*

i might be doing extensive hari raya shopping tomorrow,
and ive got two quizzes next week *dies*

and and and, im not coming back next weekend *depressed mode* because i have debate tournament in campus. which pretty much sucks la, since i was forced to debate by you-know-who, with threats and all.

but but but, you are indeed welcomed to check out our WOMEN DEBATE TOURNAMENT. yes, all women, SPEAKING. and ARGUING. haih. its gonna be loud, fun and, ALL GIRLY MOMENTS. yes. im debating with arinah.

oh well *twirls around*

Signing Out,
kdeeeeeeee!!!

im sorry for disappearing the past two weeks.to be honest, ive been VERY distracted, busy, sleepy and tired, to update my blog.
ive survived a full two weeks without going home, ALMOST breaking down and wanting to come home because i miss home. which sucks la, because im like 19 now, and still wanting to go home.

ive been fairly good, although i think im slightly chubbier + tanner than before due to the walking under the sun + eating to make up for walking under the sun.

taaruf week (basically an orientation week, in arabic lah, since we're ISLAMIC university aite) was awesome. because its only 3 days, rather than the usual 5 days. which is totally laughable and enjoyable because other batchs have to suck up to 5 days of slow painful death. and thats me being nice.

apparently the taaruf week is cut short because 40% of the students in my intake are foreigners (yes, ladies, we are talking about HOT potential FOREIGN boyfriends, and also not to forget EXTREMELY hot foreign girls. times like this make you wish you were a lesbian, so you wouldnt feel ever so threathen by their presence. i mean seriously, do you guys know the pressure of looking pretty to class with all these beautiful people? PRESSURE WEI!) and i SORTA slept through half of the programmes in the taaruf week *innocent eyes* WHAT? it was boring.

it is really like a slow painful death. waking up every morning at 6am and only coming back to the room at 7pm at night, plus getting lost and lining up for food, and dealing with stupid girls travelling in HERDS (like cows. bloody girls i tell you. TEN PEOPLE IN A BLOODY GROUP! how the fuck do you travel?) and blocking ways that you are SO CLOSE to push them all down the hill, so they could all roll in numbers (WOOOHOOO!!) and die.

and to add to the whole thing, we have nonsensical briefings, about air force, police force, TUPPERWARE (yes, i am not joking) and leadership skills. god. i dont need briefings on any of that. SERIOUSLY.

im glad the taaruf week was over.
then me+habib met his sister. like an official-lets-meet-up-the-family sorta thing. so far so good, so im sorta binded to him+family now. LOL. will tell later.

First week of classes, TIRING. i come back every evening cursing ALL THE WAY BACK to my room because, my faculty is GAZILLION MILES AWAY, and i got lost a few times in my own faculty + my block is at the back of the hostel + i stay on the FIFTH FLOOR.

everything is generally very far from everything. its like you either get lost, or too tired, you just want to sit somewhere and not move anywhere. just sit there. i have yet to try that, but i might just in the coming few weeks.

my classes start as early as 8.30am but since i tend to suck at directions, and the faculty is FUCKING FAR, i leave as early as 8 am. which causes me to wake up at 7.30 am to get ready, and i only sleep at midnite. so imagine how cranky i get waking up EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY like that. god i miss sleeping in.

lecturers are fun, i think. ive yet to go through the classes (or fully pay attention in class) so i shall not comment on that, just YET. hehehehhee!

but on a much brighter side, im free on FRIDAY *dances around* so i sleep in on that day and then go home to sleep some more, although im trying to break the habit and spend my friday morning productively by sitting in the super-huge-and-awesome-library-the-kind-that-you-can-get-lost-in and study productively before i go home to hibernate PRODUCTIVELY.

henceforth, if ANYONE *hint hint* wants to hang out with me on friday, OR saturday, OR sunday, feel free to text, although i usually keep sunday for family (and sleeping in)

last weekend i was home, but i decided to not go out anywhere, which is absolute failure since i was out on saturday night till sunday afternoon.

kak diba (habib's sister) just finished chambering (to IONA : basically like a practical for lawyer la. you have to do a few years of lawyer stuffs before they call you to high court and wear a robe over you and tell you "Now you're officially one of us, you're now a certified lawyer" sort of thing la. something like that, since i also miss the ceremony. haha!) so her best friend organised a BBQ party for kak diba in bangi. but then since i missed the morning ceremony thingy, she insisted on me coming for the BBQ party (told ya i feel like family now) and i SORTA bonded with everyone - kak diba's best friends, extended family, debate family, habib's friends, etc (or forced into since i had to sleep over since no one is sending me back that night). i survived the night, although everyone was absolutely CHARMING and FUNNY. I like these people, its just that theyre very new to me, and you all know how much i hate making new friends and talking to strangers.

but everything twas good and all. i had fun, and good food, and awesome company.
(and they all said I looked PRETTY and IM NICE and they all LOVE ME! yay! *narcissistic moment*)

and now im in gombak, again, after a detour to my uncle's house to see my nephew. im getting another one (gender, UNKNOWN, yet) in two weeks time.

and ive got class tomorrow at 8.30am again.
ugh.

i ought to head to bed then. and please, darlings, keep me updated.we need to hang out lahhhh.
p.s : this time around, ill try to not bring habib okay? *grins*

This is it. My last day at home.its 4.35pm now, and ive not start packing ANYTHING YET.
yeap. I DONT WANT TO GO TO GOMBAK!!!

Im just dreading the whole moving out of the house idea. I got so comfortable at home the past one month and a half, and now i have to move out of the house, AGAIN.

i'll be off early tomorrow morning, with dad, probably mom too, but we're not sure whats the plan for now. and i wont be bringing my laptop, just to make sure that i dont end up in the same room with random psychopath trying to steal my possessions, and when everything is fine, AND SAFE, i shall bring the laptop.

there will be a long week of orientation this week, lasting till saturday (UGH!) and if im not too lazy or too tired to function, i might crawl my back back home.

about the same time last year, i had the same emotion about my foundation. i hated it, for the first half of the semester, wanting to get over and done with the whole bloody thing and coming back home every weekend.

however i have successfully adapted to the quirkiness of UIA and i have found astonishing friends with a hell lot of dramas (and fame). I wouldn't say i'd do it all over again, but im glad i did it anyway.

now i left nilai with a fairly well established reputation, a really awesome best friend, good love life, and CGPA good enough to secure me a scholarship.

i have this deep feeling that gombak isnt going to be the same as nilai, not since my bestfriend is not coming this semester, resorting me to finding new friends, which i diligently ignore and sticking to my plan of staying with the old friends, and a lone wolf (HAHA!) should i have trouble finding friends. and coming back home often. or just hang out with Prince. whichever lah.

im not looking forward, neither am i looking this with an optimistic eyes,
but hey, lets just take a deep breath, swallow that saliva and brace it through.
I'll survive. or so i hope.
at least, new start, new life.

so, gombak. here i come.

p.s : im reachable via texts or phone calls to my mobile phones.

babes, wish me luck!

its gonna be soon before my holiday ends. i've already got a few stuffs pending on my to-do-list, especially this weekend since it is the LAST weekend home. or the last official do-nothing-but-to-sleep-at-home weekend i'll be getting for, what my heart says, a LONG time.

and truthfully speaking, i'm missing home already.
i'm missing everyone already.
and i'm missing Mom+Dad+siblings already.

I never really did come across the idea of me being a 'home person',
Because half the time I'm out,
Or wanting to go out of the house.
But these days, even when i'm out, I cant wait to get home.
I guess its the feeling that home offers that makes me yearn to come back to it.

I could count the number of days i'm out with my friends this holiday.
Partially because i'm not that much on a stable financial status,
But i dont mind. I just like lazing around at home.

I like to observe what Mom daily does. She'll wake up as early as 5.40 am, before anyone in the house, or probably stumbles upon Sarah - decided to have her insomniac night or simply falling asleep in front of the tv - and getting everyone ready, all out of the house by 8am. She'll sweep the floor, hang the clothes, and clean the house, all spick and span by 9.30am. She'll probably be eating breakfast, baking or preparing lunch for her children until 10am, then driving out to pick up the smallest one in the family - the warmest, friendliest one, mind you- from his religion school.

And then I could hear noises from downstairs, as everyone starts screaming, and talking, in a manner only a family does, with Mom making the smallest one eats his lunch, the other brother and his quiet yet full of attitude manner and my youngest sister, with one of her antics.
And again at 12.30pm, she's out sending everyone to school. If my sister's in mood to come back early, i could see Mom driving out to pick her as early as 2.30pm, but most of the time its later in the evening.

She'll meet me downstairs at around 2pm, as i hover around the kitchen for food - we never run out of it in the house - and tell me whatever edible at home. Which is a lot of stuffs. She'll have her afternoon nap, right after ironing her family's clothes - working clothes of dad, school uniforms of my siblings - and after picking those dried clothes. She'll be up at around 4.30 pm and off she's cooking for dinner. I always come down at around that hour, because I'm partially bored since 2.30 pm, and usually i'd be thirsty by then. But my small heart tells me that I'm down because I like to see her preparing dinner. I always, always offer to help, but she'll politely decline before resuming to her territory - her kitchen.

She's always that excellent cook + baker. My dad adores her, and her cookings. She, on the other hand, is always impressing. And god, everytime she nails it on the spot.

Dad would come back by 7pm, together with everyone else, and then it's time for dinner. She's always eating dinner with Dad, waiting for him to return from prayers, so that he wont eat alone. I dont usually eat with them, because i think in a way, its their time. because then, you could hear small chatters about dad's day at work, and mom, about, uh, her children. its always about her children.

i've always wanted to sit down and properly talk to mom. we've never really did hit it off well, not since the recent years. i guess, i grew up, and she became more understanding.

i could remember so vividly, every single time i'm home after a whole week being in campus, i'd come and sit down in the kitchen, simply because i wanted to talk to mom about it.
i would then chatter away, for the next half an hour - or more, usually more - and just chatting about campus. i like those times. because i share whatever - almost whatever - on my mind.

i'd like to one day, sit down and properly talk to her, like a friend to another friend, the differences are that this friend is wiser, smarter, more experienced, and most importantly, she's my mom. My one and only mom.

I love you, Mom.

Signing Off,
Kakak

Iona was right. im definitely bored. and too broke to go out anywhere. seriously.

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player must answer the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the game the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and ask them to play and read your blog.

Starting time: 4.23pm

Name: Khadijah
Sisters: too annoying, but i love them
Brothers: cute and adorable, but cannot spend too much time around them
Shoe Size: 7 or 8
Height: 170cm. i like to believe im that tall.
Where do you live: Klang
Favorite drinks: ICE CREAM!
Favorite breakfast: ice cream. altho i constantly remind myself not to start EVERYDAY with ice cream

Have you ever been on a plane? : yep yep.
Fallen asleep in school? : one of those times when i say "SCREW YOU REPUTATION! IM SLEEPY!"
Broken someone's heart : did, but not proud of it
Fell of your chair: i shall not disclose such information.
Sat by the phone and waiting for someone to call: yeah. definitely. although i usually choose tom lie in bed waiting for the phone call
What is your room like: dark, comfortable, very condusive for sleeping at any point of the day.
What's right beside you? : another desktop computer
What is the last thing you ate: fried CHICCCKKEEENNNN!!!!

Ever had
Chicken Pox: yes. altho mine was a mild one. hehehehe~
Sore throat: when i stop talking a lot.
Stitches: none so far.
Broken nose: you touch my nose, i'll break yours. *evil grin*

Do you
Believe in love at first sight: never witness it, but i believe it
Like picnics: yes. when its not too hot.
Who was, were the last person; you danced with : NO ONE WANTS TO DANCE WITH ME!
Last made you smile : myself. *grins*
You last yelled at : The car in front that drove like a bloody moron

Today did you
Talk to someone you like : yesyes. i talk to alot of people i like, EVERYDAY.
Kissed anyone : no. no one to kiss *goes on a kissing rampage*
Get sick : nope
Talk to an ex : not today.
Miss someone : miss alot of people actually.
Eat : who doesnt?
Best feeling in the world : nope
Do you sleep with stuffed animal: nope. my mind got too influenced by Chucky, i stopped sleeping with any doll by 6 yrs old.
What's under your bed: enough space in case if you want to hide under my bed
Who do you really hate: a few people. particularly that bastard ex of arina. top of my hate list.

What time is it now: 4.32PM
5 things i were doing 10 years ago
1. got into a new school
2. thought that my family friend is a very odd person
3. became teacher's pet
4. hated math (oh wait. i still do)
5. never bothered fitting in.

5 things on my to-do list today.
1. sleep
2. read (or at least try) The Economist
3. read my book
4. decide what to wear tomorrow.
5. bath

5 snacks I enjoy
1. ice cream
2. ice cream
3. ice cream
4. chocolate
5. toffee + cookies

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire
1. create an emergency fund. i always overspend.
2. SHOPPING!
3. buy presents for people.
4. make up for the outings i bailed out on because im broke
5. makes myself PRETTY! *drools*

5 of my bad habits
1. i annoy people
2. cannot shut up
3. cannot stop scratching my head and my nose
4. very expressive hand gestures
5. sleeping. A LOT.

5 places I have lived in
1. home in ulu klang
2.home in cheras
3.home in taman palm grove
4. home in taman alam shah
5. nilai. UGH.

5 people I'm tagging are
1) Sarah
2) Suzanne
3) Zaty
4)Aisha
5) B'nie

i guess it is indeed a fresh start. i've changed my blogskin. finally settling with something so simple and subtle. something i've been looking for the past one month plus. probably because i havent been looking hard enough. but thank god now i found one that i like. altho pardon me that the box at the side is pretty messed up and all.

its been ages since this blog is touched or visited. i guess people kinda forgot the existance of it, somehow. alot has happened from the last time i blogged till this post.

i wanted to change the blogskin to suit the new life im about to start. my foundation finished just a month plus ago, and it didnt have that stunning ending i kinda hope it has. well except for that i did FAIRLY well at my graduating cgpa, good enough to secure me a scholarship and i found 3 people that i truly, absolutely, undoubtedly love to keep close in my life. but other than that, everything else pretty much shucks. as i expected.

but i shall not be dwelling too much on that.
i've not been up and about this holiday, partially because of financial status thats not seemingly bright, and because ive been lazy.VERY LAZY.
my holiday is indeed ending in a week's time, not counting this week and then i'll be off to gombak. altho without the loved one, arina.
i know somehow without her in gombak, things wont be the same, i wont be having so much fun, but i have habib and arinah to keep the light all perked up and HAPPY!

ive got a lot to talk about actually, but i kinda forgot what by now.
so i guess this is it for now. until i come and blog again tomorrow lah. or the day after tomorrow.

and transformer's out! im gonna watch with DADDYH. heehhehehehe!
*big grin*

I shall not post until i found myself a cuter, less depressing, more lively blogskin.
Thankyouverymuch.

And yes. I am free atlast!
Ask me out, PLEEEEAASSSSEEE!!!!! *begs*

Signing Out,
Khadi hasnt bath yet.

gosh. do anyone even remember the last time this blog is updated?
probably it felt like ages to some, definitely it is to me.
i've been so empty, hollow (figuratively) and simply busy because of stuffs here in Nilai.

despite of having only 12 hours of lectures this semester,
I still could not find the time to juggle everything and everyone around.
with recent additions and subtractions in life, i guess the sorting is the painful one.
sorting up life after those changes.

ive been very well trained in the bitchy area these days.
coming up with absolutely mean and rude things to say.
which is bad. but entertaining nevertheless.
probably its the crowd ive been hanging out with, that i should be blaming for.
stunning and amazing crowd nevertheless.

what have i been up and about with the past few weeks and in the upcoming weeks?

i've been dealing with my very own triangular drama which involved people CLOSE to beating up the other person, a hell lot of screaming + crying sessions, going emotional and bitchy.
i've also been busy dealing with my very own personal life + crowd of friends, whom, I shamefully say that i have lost touch with. yes, the close ones. don't even get me started on the not-so-close ones.
i'm so sorry.
and then the drama between the ex and the very awkward outing that i shall not talk about, unless if you were there. one word : very awkward.

i've only been home for a day last weekend. because i'm in the middle of my mid sem exam.
another paper's coming up in two days time. which is like freaking me out.
because it's math, and me. math + kd = BAD!
its like proven over and over and over again that i am just bad in add math.
i panicked in my 2nd quiz, which i know by heart by then, therefore resulting in me sucking in my quiz.
somehow, dy/dx, chain rule and all these very confusing and horrifying functions just bring the worst out of me.
so i'm freaking out (while facebook-ing + blogging) NOW!

as for this weekend, i'm not coming home because i've got MUET (eek!) which i know shits about, therefore i'm doomed.
i mean, FIVE hours of exam? that's like definite brain killer.
and to add to the painful fact, we dont have transport to take MUET in Kajang because i just had to be involved in the whole triangular drama, thus resulting to me losing a friend + a transportation to MUET.
But that shall be KIV-ed for further notice.

as for sunday, i'd be in Gombak for this inter-school debating championship as one of the adjudicators.
hahahahaha! judging kiddies. which is like so HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! *points finger*
it'd be like ol' times when Lorna, sha, b'nie, daryl and i debated in school.
very good walk down the memory lane.

i've been skipping trainings for the past 2 weeks already,
so i think my debating skill would probably suck really bad by now. but oh well!

as for next monday and tuesday, i have to memorize FIFTEEN Quranic verses, as part of the assignment for my religion studies subject.
So far : FIVE verses.

And today, on the 21st of April, is Daryl's birthday.
It's been a truly up and down roller coaster ride for both of us, the whole of last year.
Things went really sour, and then reallyt sweet, that by now, both of us are just taking it as it is.
But this one guy, is the one guy I truly cherish and enjoy having in my life. Whatever may happen or had happened between us.
It is complicated, but he's one really enjoyable company to have.
Both loud, both boisterous, both awesome people.

Therefore, cheers to Daryl, happy birthday dude, in case if you're reading my blog.
It's been great being your friend, and more of a friend, to a point of my life.
I'm just grateful we met somewhere along the line.
I wish you well, and I wish you the best.
In the upcoming events and people into your life.

I haven't truly got the chance to say I am terribly sorry for coming to Fruity an hour later than the supposed time. I know Iona wanted to kill me then, but since she can't, she didn't.
Thankgod. That was rude, and i am absolutely sorry for that.
As for sha, I OWE YOU A PRESENT!
And I HEART THAT CLUTCH! *leaps in happiness*

I MISS EVERYONE BACK IN KLANG AND AT HOME!
AND I MISS ARINAH TOO!
I CANT BE MISSING ARINA BECAUSE SHE'S DOWNSTAIRS AND I AM SUPPOSED TO SEE HER TO STUDY MATH WITH HER.

Till then, fellow people (especially suzanne, whom ive promised to meet up with since ever, which i will, some time soon),
DO DO DO DO DO DO DO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! *screams*

Yes, yes, I know I've been saying that I'd be updating my blog often since now I have wireless and such.

But here I am. Still failing to update my blog as promised.

Somehow, surprisingly, I have nothing, like absolutely nothing worth blogging. Or interesting enough to blog.

 

Being in Nilai for the final 2 months before I'm back to civilization,

Staying in a dorm with wireless,

I have nothing to blog about. Simply because, Arina and I have agreed that we seriously lack drama this semester.

 

To be honest, we're pretty much bored in the dorm at night.

Now that the population has been cut down to ¼ of the actual population of my campus, the rate of drama has gone close to, uh, NONE.

I mean, not having drama is good, judging on how much drama we both been having the past two semesters, But we're BORED.

Like literally bored, bored. Yes. THAT bored.

 

But anyway, how am I?

Been good. I've got debate training every Wednesday and Thursday. In PJ (ugh!)

And my classes are absolutely awesome.

Okay, partially awesome. My classes are only from Monday till Thursday,

Giving me THREE days of weekend *dances around*

It's good. Because I so deserve 3 days of holiday after two VERY HECTIC semesters I have.

And it'd be 3 days weekend if, and ONLY if I don't have anything important or, important to do during the weekends.

But the only sucky part is, my class starts at 9 am on Monday, when the original schedule said its at 2 pm.

UIA is just plain jealous, JEALOUS, I tell you, because I could have come back on Monday morning, but NOOOOOOO….. they have to make my class at 9 am.

UGH. *pissed off face*

 

Mathematics 2 is a no doubt boredom.

But I actually got whatever I am studying. Like get, get in the sense that I could actually do the exercise.

Honestly speaking, I am MORONIC when it comes to Add Math or any of that sort,

But I got this one. I understand.

Why didn't I get this lecturer earlier? I could have passed Add Math more often that I did.

SERIOUSLY.

 

Anyway, getting to the true gist of this blog post,

I would like to write a review on 'Talentime' directed by Yasmin Ahmad.

As a true Yasmin Ahmad's movies' lover / Yasmin Ahmad hardcore supporter,

I might as well jump into a well if I miss any of her movies.

(Provided that they show it in M'sia, unlike MUALLAF. WTF wei. Serious shit. Why don't they allow Muallaf to be showed in M'sia? WHY? WHY? WHY? *dramatic mode*)

 

I'd give Muallaf a 4 and ½ star for its awesomeness.

It's a no surprise that when it comes to Yasmin Ahmad, you're guaranteed of good MALAY movie. Literally.

This movie is actually worth spending RM9 on, rather than some lameass sucky movies like 'The Spirit' (wtf?) and also 'Watchmen' (*shoots oneself*)

Okay. Probably RM18. I watched it, TWICE.

Was rooting for the 3^rd time, but my friend thought I had too much 'Talentime' moments; I should probably lay off 'Talentime' for now.

 

It's a movie about the contestants of the 'Talentime' competition.

The story of multi-racial love, love of a boy and his mother, with side stories bringing up emotions of the world.

To quote Yasmin Ahmad, " I do not have message when I do a movie, I just bring out the emotions in it."

 

What that is truly amazing about this movie is that how the plot evolved,

Taking the attention away from the base idea of the movie, which is the Talentime competition, and putting the attention to the stories of the finalist of the competition.

Yasmin Ahmad has directed the movie in a manner that, at the end of the day, it's no longer about the Talentime competition, that the competition is only the side-story to the real contents of the movie.

 

I love how this movie has bring you into a taste of every emotion possible.

Emotion of love, pain, lingering death, fear of world, hope, judgement-free, and the emotion of loss.

The way the story evolved has brought me up spiraling emotions; from feeling sad to feeling happy in a second.

 

The movie has absolutely magnificent soundtracks, ranging from Pete Teo's to Angels by someone and then to 'O Re Piya' by AR Rahman.

A must check out soundtracks. To die for.

And intertwined with poems and quotes, that are just perfect to capture the moment.

"If the moon can appear during the day, then why can't the sun do the same at night?"

"Words are too much. Love comes in silent"

And with the just right amount of humour to send the audience to small giggles, reminding them, it's not a sad movie. The movie's for getting in touch with our emotions, it's not for laugh, it's not for cry, it's for reminding us the basic of life, that life is light, nothing's too hard or too light to take.

"Momma, I don't think he reads Yorkshire lips"

"Arse licker!"

 

Something that everyone could relate to, because Talentime is taking the life at its basic.

That the matter of details do not matter,what matter is how the situation makes your heart feels.

 

The best scene from the movie that I truly favour is when Mahesh kneeled down to his mother,

After the mother found out he's dating a Malay girl.

In his sign language, he said,

"I worship the ground you stepped on." trying to ask for her blessings, which she refused to give.

Him, like us, know how family always come first. Afraid of being forever rejected by his only caretaker, his mother, feeling afraid of being considered an insolent son,

He continued gesturing,

"If you want me to stop seeing her, I will stop seeing her. But I need you to do one thing for me. I need you to teach my heart how to forget her."

"Because my heart does not know how to."

And then it was followed by a song 'O Re Piya' which gives that extra oomph to the sadness.

 

My words could never justify the movie and the essence of it,

But it is DEFINITELY worth watching.

 

But I shall forewarn you that it has sucky ending.

Cliff-hanger. Swear I wanted to scream in the cinema.

TWICE. Yes.

Oh well. Very Yasmin Ahmad.

After the 4^th movie, I should have figured that out.

 

Oh well. 'Nuff blabbering.

I've got 9 am class tomorrow, and it's uh, 3 am now.

 

Oh well.

Loves loves,

Kdee.

 

It's March 16th today.
I am still stuck in PJ Campus.
No kidding, been here for a full one week already.

I just got hold of the Internet. A lot has happened since the last post was up.

Life been expectedly crazy and busy.
But mostly could have predicted it to be such, knowing me.

How has my life been?
It's been fairly good.
I am not going to get all depressed and emotional about it,
Because frankly speaking,
It's not worth spending my emotion on.

Economics paper was fairly good.
I am not rooting for a grade A, since I basically blanked myself out at one point of the paper.
So more or less, i'm just crossing my fingers the result would turn out fine.

Road of life basically has been pretty much a roller coaster ride.
I had a really bad crying session, it's by far the worst.
Sometimes when you think that you've given enough,
And you've been pointed finger to and said that you've done nothing,
It sort of took the soul out of you.
It kicked into your system, kicked you down,
And you questioned what else is there to be done?
Intention was good. but the message never got across.

And just recently I lost my laptop.
Yeap. My laptop + my bag of clothes.
It was when I decided to sleep over at Haziqah's hostel,
We decided to go and have dinner.
I sorta forgot to bring my laptop with me, and left it at the back of the car.
The next thing we knew, her back window was broken and my laptop + bag of clothes are gone.

The funny thing is,
I kinda sorta accepted the whole incident.
But what that sort of pissed me off is the fact that,
With the laptop + bag of clothes gone,
Went with it my memories + items close to heart.

My external hard drive which has all the pictures from previous years and my old school pictures are gone.
My favourite jeans, top and tudung are also gone.
My favourite box of brooch is also gone, my headphone, my perfume.
And then there's the assignments, files, my soft copy of my event paper work, hard copy of them.
All these stuffs that may not be precious to people,
But these are stuffs close to my heart, stuffs that matter to me,
My hardwork, sleepless night and my very own memories.

We've done police report, the car is fixed and dad bought me a new laptop.
But it still wouldn't be enough to replace what's lost.
However, I am keeping a very positive atttude on it,
Probably it's in a way of God telling me to start fresh,
To let go and move on.
Because I believe that I do seriously have problem with letting go.

I'm happy now. No joke on that.
Whatever's broken is pretty much fixed.
But when I sit back and ponder,
Listen and think,
I still could never declare that,
it's fixed, that i'm no longer broken.
I could never say that it's over and i am letting go.
because it has became a part of me.
Just like the future one is already a part of me.

Last weekend was National Novice Debating Championship,
Held in UiTM Shah Alam.
We didn't get to go to quarter final,
to whom I could fairly put the blame on but shall not talk about her,
Because I am fasting today,
But the price i paid for being there, is missing Cherylyn's piano competition,
Where I could not only spend time with Iona, Sha and a few other friends.
Cher won the competition, and I could go onlyas far as texting her and congratulate her.
Am still wishing I was there, Cher. Congratulation babe!

I've got to go home on Sunday up till Tuesday because it's Maulidur Rasul.
Being back home is good.
Always have been good.
So close to loved ones,
So close to people that you know at the end of the day do not discriminate and accept you for you, and would not settle for nothing less or nothing more.
Being in an environment that says its okay if you dont do it the right way,
No one is going to judge you,
No one is going to reject you,
You are a part of us, a part of what we are all about.
It is you that we love.
Gosh, I do miss home.

On the 10th of March is Mr. Gerald's birthday,
I didn't wished him on that day, because I was occupied with debate training,
But texting him a day after sorta bring that missing feeling you've been putting aside.
I miss going to his class. Talking to him, or rather just listen to him.
The time spent growing up in his class has indeed left a deep impact in my life.
I kid you not,he taught more than just English, he taught me life + manner.
Something that I know would get me far in life.

Being detached from your life back home because you are too busy with life somewhere else,
Do bring that longing feeling of wanting to wind the clock back.
I've found great things in the new life,
But it is never good enough to take away my old life.
Sometimes I sit back and reflect, life back then was so much simpler and less complicated to now.
Less drama to handle, less complication to face, less complexity to process.

Not being able to be home on my birthday sort of pulled me down.
Dad didn't want me to drive back late after debate training,
Of course out of being worried of my safety.
And to add to it, I dont even get to be surrounded by my friends back in Klang.
No one is to be blamed,
But i've got one of the best birthday celebrations here in PJ itself.
They say I need a good cheer up.
And I did get a good cheer up.
Just not as good as being back home.
Good, nevertheless.

Those days when you question yourself, and your existance in this world.
You ask yourself what's in me that people see and love.
What is it that made people stay and not turn their back.
I never got the answer.
I never know why.
But I know that, it's not me that is special and a gift to another person,
But it is me that is grateful to be given them,
Because these people are people that are special.
Being with them, makes me special.
And I thank god for each and every one of them.

Just ended last Saturday and Sunday was UIA Gombak Open League,
Which was fairly good. Looking at the performance of our team since my teammate is not an experienced debater.
I had a whale of time, listening to debaters' crazy ideas and crazy proposals.
I learnt a lot of new stuffs, And I gained a lot of new knowledge.
But along the process of being technical and factual,
I can't help but to feel detached from my emotional side.

I think I have just lost my touch of being a human.
Emotional, susceptible to mistakes, less analytical, more accepting, and more caring and sensitive.
It's like debating takes the soul away.
That life is about Robert Mugabe, International Court of Justice and how to squirrel a debate.
I feel incompetent of empathizing, and being in touch with human emotions.
I can't decide based on simple human rules and nature, because I am too busy being analytical.
I have taken the world in a perspective of a debater,
Always wanting to trample on the other team, and proving that how I see the world is the right way, that I cannot afford to make mistakes because it causes me to be at the bottom of the ranking.
I have changed, for the worst, haven't I?

I'm leaving for Malacca next Saturday for another tournament.
MMU Open Tournament or something like that.
We'll be having daily training, but I doubt I'd be debating this weekend though.
But from what I last heard, I will be adjudicating there.
Hope to be home on Sunday night,
And then off for the short semester on Monday.

Life's been hectic, I've been negligent.
Probably it's just me denying life and the truth it holds.
No one knows, not even me.

I miss being home. Being less complicated. Being the old Khadijah.

I havent been home the last 3 weeks.
I just got home last Friday night.
I miss home badly.
I have another paper on Tuesday, my last paper, Economics.
I'm going to be done with my 2nd semester on the 5th of March.
I'm going to be in PJ for the next 2 weeks starting from 5th of March.
I've got two debate tournaments, that's why I am staying in PJ.
I'm going to miss Cher's piano recitation eventhough I would KILL to go. (sorry cher!)
But *fingers crossed* I wanna be home for my birthday.

Home has never felt so good.
Literally, and figuratively speaking.
Today's the second day at home.
And I am enjoying every minute of it.

Its been a draggy 3 full weeks since I last came back home.
I've never miss my home, my family (and Bubu) so badly.
I miss Klang people badly too.

Sometimes it dawned on us, that its not about what we have here,
But what we grew to be a part of.

These people are not the most awesome around,
the smartest, most intellectual, most better off,
But these are the people that I grew to love.
The people that I could go to and say, "This is how home feels like."

T0day's the Chinese New Year.
I just found out that this year is the Year of Bull.

I used to keep up with the whole horoscope,
Chinese horoscope too, But being there,
I've been missing a lot on life, and world in general.

I'll be sleeping with Anas, my brother again tonight.
It's really sweet to see so much love a blood relative has for you.
It's overwhelming.

I walked into the house yesterday,
With the sight of Anas extending his arms,
In gesture of hugging me, saying "Kakak dah balik."

Yes. I miss home just as much.

Its been a long, tiring 3 weeks.
With every weekends filled with activities,
That at the end of last week, I died of exhaustion.

Thankgod to a friend who sent me home yesterday,
Because I was too tired to find my way home.
That's how exhausted I was.

But right now, I'm just enjoying home and what it offers,
Surrounded by loved ones,
Until it lasts.

It's true what they say,
We need this place which can be ur sanctuary,
A place to let lose and just have fun,
Be ourselves,
And not be afraid of being hurt.

It feels so good to just let lose of myself,
And not having to be on the guard,
Because I know for a fact,
That this is the place that could assure me protection.

I've always been on guard the past 3 weeks,
Having so much to worry and think about,
Having to think and plan and decide,
And having to be on the lookout just in case,
It feels so good to do the other way around for a change.

I believe the only reason for not falling sick in Nilai,
Is because I cannot afford to fall sick.
So much to do, so many things and people to take care of,
I just cannot afford to pause and be sick.

But here, at home,
I could pause, and be sick,
And still know that I'd be well because I'd be taken care of.

I was having a massive stomach ache today,
And it killed me (figuratively) by 8 pm.
But I had a good rest, Because Mom made it so comfortable for me to just rest and get well.

I had a good kitchen chat with Dad, sometime after midnight.
It's good to just have a talk with Dad,
about random nothings and how-are-you.

I had ice cream, and really good fried chicken + sambal and white rice for lunch,
Cookies, and Slurpee. All in the same day.
Good food. I miss that.

And it was so fun to just lie down in bed with Iona,
Cuddling with her soft toys while catching up for the times we've been away from each other,
Which feels like ever,
And just talk about things we love best.

I do have reasons to stay in Nilai,
A few good reasons,
But Nilai is nothing like Klang.
I love Nilai for the people I grew to love there,
But Klang still stays for a good long time in my heart.

I'm happy now.
I dont think so I'm heart-broken anymore.
I think i'm fulfilled.

Its been a REALLY LONG WHILE since I actually took the effort to write something meaningful in here.
Nor put fancy pictures in it.
Or anything funny or related to ME for that matter.

I'm really sorry.

Its ALWAYS one thing or another.
No wi-fi.
Wi-fi bangang.
Broadband sucky.
Friendster-ing and then when i FINALLY come to blogging, I'd forgot what I wanted to blog.
Went out with friends bla bla bla.
Handling life drama.
But mostly just, PLAIN LAZY.
yes yes. thats why Im sorry.

This is the second week since I last came back home.
I had an event going on last weekend.

Some sport fiesta thingy involving all colleges around Nilai.
Which is not that much to start with, mind you.
Yes, shocker to think that Khadi here actually took the effort to come down to the field and so-called 'participate'.

EEEKK!! wrong.
I came to the field at 12 pm.
Then made my exit by 12.30 pm to go for lunch because I thought the sun was burning my skin,
And I just plain hate the Sun. Especially at noon.
Merewang here and there, till around 5.30 pm before I came back to the field.
So much for wanting to attend the closing ceremony,
But whoops! When I came. Everything was done.
Sorry lah. Didnt mean to run away, but i'm just a secretary kot?

The weather has been absolutely windy.
Trust me, windy is an understatement.
Try to imagine yourself being LITERALLY blown away by the wind.
Thankgod I am heavy enough (maybe slightly more than enough) to withstand the wind.
Uh-uh. Scary kot.
Tapi best untuk tidur malam-malam.

I miss my family a whole bunch by today.
Just spending time around them.
Called home twice. Once last weekend, when I was having lunch.
Another, last night before the debate recruitment session.
I got to speak to only 3 people. Sarah, Anas and Atiqah.
I miss my mom and my dad. :(

This weekend seems so unsure.
Should I return to where my heart is or should I stay?
I've got computer practical test (Database stuffs. GEEK. ugh!) and also Arabic test.
I've got to praise the Lord for how well I cope with my study.
I've got close to no problem at all when it comes to Arabic.
Very very good with it, reflecting on the fact that I have no basic in that language except for when I was in Primary school.
And that is as far as it goes.

Sometimes, I get so tired with life over here.
So much emotions involved.
Too much to a point, you go one day,
you want to slay everyone. Yes, I mean EVERYONE.
With no exclusion whatsoever.
That includes you.

So many things happened nowadays,
Its so scary to think what the future holds for me.
For us.
For our loved ones.

How promising can the future be?
Just looking at the front cover of News Straits Times,
I dont like what I see.
Heartless war, killing thousands of innocent children and women.

I wont lie in saying that I still continue to use Johnson&Johnson,
But I am also proud to say that I have not been eating McDonalds in 3 weeks.
That includes the ice-cream.
Eventhough sometimes when I pass McD, I cant help but to feel like screwing the whole boycott against companies contributing to Gaza attack and just eat that RM 1.20 vanila ice cream.

Probably it's just me being emotional.
I'm not in a good mood anyway today.
I felt like dumping two people I love best, and look forward to seeing everyday in Nilai today.
Oh, and shooting them to death.
But, I love them far too much to do so, that's why I'm here to distract myself.
Know this, I love you too much to do so ok?

I know that I am way off schedule with the whole 2008 recap.
I've been tied up with certain things *cough cough* that I absolutely fantabulously forgot to do so.

Time got the most of me.
University just sucked the life out of me.
Meeting friends is what I do on every weekends,
And really, I've been truly negligent towards you.

Yes yes. Where have my passion for blogging gone to?
When times like this,
Being away people wonder what I'm up to.
Probably I should make that as the new year's resolution eh?
(DAMN! I lost the touch for blogging.)

Things I've done in 2008 (not in sequence) : -
1 - Got myself a driver's license.

2 - Got myself another close friend, Weiguan. All thanks to Daryl. I'm sure if things didn't happen between us, I would have not gotten the chance to meet Weiguan.
3 - Surprised Aisha TWO WEEKS before her birthday. Don't ask why. I am still pissed till this very day. But I love doing so for you Sha! Love you tonnes hun!


4 - Got myself a new family + new job which I love.

5 - Having my loved ones visit me at work. Thanks for killing my boredom at works!

6 - DOME, despite the over-priced meals, is worth spending with people you truly truly love.
7 - Totally changed my perception on how fun the arcade is. Yes. Strong emphasis on Daytona car-racing game.
8 - Celebrated my Hari Raya with my closest friends. Best Raya so far. Being surrounded by both family and friends.
(No pictures of family. I have no idea where they are. Sorry!)

9 - Bought myself more prized possessions. Yes yes. I am materialistic.

10 - Had the best week of outings right before I entered UIA, with no optimism
11 - Managed to harass my cat, EVEN MORE.

12 - In with the new friends, but still keeping the old ones.


13 - Grow up to a point I appreciate and love my family so so much more than before.
Yes. I know I dont show it often but I love every single one of you, yes, including Bubu.
14 - Fell in love, stayed in love, got my heart broken. But I'm glad we had what we had.
15 - One word : Wondermilk

16 - Got myself a LONG list of weird friends in UIA (love them nevertheless)
17 - Got scammed into believing that a friend's leaving for hometown for good, and being nice enough to send him to KLIA and almost getting killed somewhere along the journey. Thankgod I love you that much, en. Iku. Siap boleh nangis plak tuh! Hampeh btol.
18 - Along with the list of weird friends, I also have great lecturers. Scratch that, AWESOME lecturers.
19 - Did fairly good in SPM and got awarded for that.
20 - And been missing school, BADLY ever since.

21 - Far too many nighters.

22 - Got myself a new best friend, Arina. Who I would kill for.
23 - And still have time for the old best friends.


24 - Nothing says it like old day's bitching mate. Love you tonnes babe!

25 - Had the best outing with Aisha and Iona EVER. at Iona's house.

26 - Went to Fraser's Hill and not even with family

27 - And went for a jungle-trekking there. Yes yes, gasp all you want.
28 - Spent far,far too much time in Secret Recipe. Because its the only funky place in Nilai.

29 - Got myself AWESOME dorm mates.

30 - First time with Sushi.


31 - First time with white top too.
32 - Have my very own bitching clan, the Pillow-Talkers.
33 - Drove all the way to The Curve with Farah and all.

34 - To die for : Honeycomb Gold Rush. And I had that! *grins*
35 - Got a little too excited at Paddington's Pancake House
36 - Surprised Cher on her birthday!

37 - Surprise trip from Haziqah all the way to Nilai.
38 - Been on a plane ALL BY MY SELF.

39 - Moved to a new house and HAVE MY OWN BEDROOM!

40 - Done a lot more stuffs but could not recall what they are and are even more grateful for the year I had.

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow
This time we'll take it slow
This time we'll take it slow

Sorry I just found your tag, Nora.
Been busy with Uni,
and finally getting to catching up with the past.

Tagged by Nora.

Seven Things That You Dislike the Most:
1. Waiting.
2. Nilai
3. Emo, dramatic boys. Yes, the EVEN MORE dramatic than me kind of boys.
4. Failure to impress
5. People looking down on me.
6. Fake people
7. Catching up with bad past.

Seven Things You Like the Most:
1. Love
2. Ice Cream + Chocolates
3. My Family
4. My Bestfriends + My Klang friends
5. Shopping
6. Wondermilk Cupcakes
7. The Curve Flea Market :)

Seven Important Things In Your Room:
1. My old diaries
2. My collection of shoes
3. My collection of bags.
4. My wardrobe
5. My AWESOME BED.
6. My book rack
7. My BED. (yes I love it that much to mention it TWICE)

Seven Random Facts About You:
1. I never listen.
2. Half of the time, I do the opposite of what I'm asked to, just for the sake of non-conforming
3. I have poor self-control. Especially when it comes to shopping.
4. I curse a lot nowadays.
5. People dont know half of the shits I've done
6. Yes, I even go against what I say, because i'm systemised to do so.
7. I am THAT lazy to text people.

Seven Things You Plan to Do Before You Die:
1. Learn How To be an Exorcist. (something new I thought recently)
2. Bungee-jumping!
3. Yoga!
4. Dance classes!
5. Fall in love(again) and getting it right this time.
6. Be a clean,corporate wonder woman with pretty house and awesome car
7. Bukit Antarabangsa! (again)

Seven Things You Find Attractive in the Opposite Sex:
1. Charm.
2. The way he treats me.
3. His way of moving around me. ah, you'll get it once you started dating.
4. I always thought guys who wear pendant are sexy. Just saying.
5. The way he dresses.
6. Got to say long hair does add to it.
7. VERY IMPORTANT : Just as passionate of things I'm passionate about.

Seven Celebrity Crushes:
1. Anuar Zain
2. That dude who acts in Las Vegas and dating (or dated) Fergie
3. Adam Brody. Hawt!
4. Shahrukh Khan
5. Aaron Kwok
6. Rain
7. Wang Lee Hom

Tagging :
1. Iona
2. Cherylyn
3. Sarah
4. Henri
5. YinXian
6. Arina
7. Ryan

Heyyyy!!!
Yes yes. I know I sorta ignored the blog.
I bet no one comes here anymore.

I am terribly sorry peeps.
I've got NOTHING to blog about.

Well, I've been up with things here like *coughs*shopping,KLIA,chocolates*coughs* but fat chance ANY OF YOU WOULD KNOW ABOUT IT.
Bwahahahahahahahahhaha!

Life's been good in Nilai.
Not excellent, not fabulous.
Just plain good.

I mean I am not dying yet, kan?
So ok lah.

Statistics is absolute boring. Playing with graphs and histograms and all.
And the class is like HUGE. So I tend to doze off a bit here and there.

Economics? Very mind-challenging. The way the lecturer thinks really challenges you.
So I thought it's a not-bad subject to learn.

And then there's Arabic. Which is fun. To a point. haha! inside joke.
I like the lecturer and furthermore, I know a dude named Jenny.
Yeah2. A DUDE named Jenny. Agak funny lah.

And then there's Accounting 2. Where we learn about partnership and company and all.
I FINALLY get the topics I didnt get when I was in Form 5.
So I can pretend I am smart now.
Bwaahahhahaahha!

And lastly there's Computer 2. Which is like BOOOORRRIIINNGGG!!
Arina was poking me the whole two hours of lectures last Monday.
I was sleeping. or going to sleep.
But then again, I was that the whole lecture hours this week.
Which is bad.

I think I sleep too much.
I need to hype myself up lah.

It's been raining in Nilai and I've been slow here.
Or down.
Or less hyped-down.
Whichever floats your boat.

And there's this upcoming debate league at MMU this weekend.
I miss debating.
But I am not sure if I am going for that one or not.
We have to see if the partner wants to go.

Sarah, tukar blog link tarak bagitau pung eh?
Ape2 lah. klu tak smpai mati pun tak tau.

Oh well.
Lots and lots and lots of crazy stuffs from Nilai.

Yes. I am guilty of lying.
I have been going online EVERYDAY since i moved house.
thanks to celcom broadband.

but but but i've been really lazy to update.
so yeah.

But this is just random update because i dont really want to update.
Just feeling tinsy weeny bit guilty.

Its 3 am in the morning.
In a few hours I am going to start moving to the new house.

Fresh start, a good one I hope.
Nevertheless, I am going to miss the old house.

And my cats.
Whoops. I haven't break the news yet to them.
I have a feeling they know, because Bubu was being emo today.

Fyi, I might be laying off the Net for a few weeks because the telephone line wont be up in the new house till a few weeks from now.

Hope to be back,
Up and about,
With a whole lot stories + pictures to tell.

To dear friends : Khadi/Kdee is reachable via handphone. Doubt house phone would work.

Current status :
- Feeling wangi after my 2.30am bath
- Feel that hair is bouncier and smoother after conditioning and shampoo-ing.
- TV-less and PS-less. Every sort of entertainment moved to the new house, except for Internet.
-Loving my new living room. Ada stage-sort of corner. comel gile!
-Satisfied. Because I managed to disturb Bubu's sleeping sessions THE WHOLE DAY.
-Tired due to cleaning of the new house.
-Loving the dining hall sink
-Feeling random because I dont know what to blog about but still want to blog today thus resulting to this post.

Currently stuck with 'The Da Vincci Code' which was borrowed to me since, uh, last December.
I swear I was getting to it, before being distracted EVERY single time,
And dozing off almost everytime, after, uh, 5 pages.
But but but, I am already 3 quarter through the friggin book so I am positive if I keep up with the right attitude towards the book, I'd be done by the end of this week.

Then I need to move on to 'Angels&Demons' which was borrowed to me since, uh, last March.
I know it's untouch and the furthest I've been is 2 pages of the book.
But I AM getting to it. Just not yet.
To the owner of the book : I am sorry. I'll give it back before MY holiday ends ok?

I realised how DULL internet is these days.
I mean, how the hell did I last 5 friggin hours online back then?
There's practically NOTHING to do online.
Except for chatting and blogging.
But you cant actually blog if you just spent the past 14 hours sleeping (not sequently),
And the friends you're chatting with are either offline, disconnecting (far too often) or on the phone with *coughs*crush*coughs*.
Not that I am referring to anyone, REALLY.

I really really want to watch 'Talentime'.
Visiting Yasmin Ahmad's blog after such a LONG time kinda got me inspired again to watch her work.
I always always always LOVE her work.
Apart from Afdlin Shauki's of course.
I remember how I dragged Sha, Iona and Daryl to watch 'Mukhsin' after our trials,
Because I wanted to.
WHAT?! It was worth the time.
And I wanted to watch it. That was all the reason that these people need.
THEY LOVE ME.
Anyone's up to watch it with me when its out?

Oh oh oh! And 'Muallaf' is FINALLY coming out on the 27th November.
At Singapore though.
I know! Pretty much suck right?
I was waiting for the movie since, last year or early of this year?
THAT long. I know!
Godknows if its entering Malaysia or not.

I dont get it with Malaysia + Censorship Board + Good Movies.
I found out 8 bloody cuts for 'Sepet' before shown in Malaysia.
I mean, that movie is HARMLESS.
And 8 cuts? It amazes me sometimes how the censorship board works.
The kind of movies THEY should ban are like 'Remp-It' and those really bad,predictable Malay movies.
No offense, speaking from a third person's perspective with no bias judgement whatsoever,
Remp-It is a BAD influence. Sepet has scenes that may trigger sexualwhatevershits, but out of pure affection and love, Remp-It? A total sexualwhatevershits scenes that promotes random sex with random people.
And I know I am supposed to be supportive towards Malay movies because I am a Malay bla bla bla, but still.
Whatever happened to really good Malay movies like those during P.Ramlee time?

My dad isnt the kind of dude that actually watch a movie and laugh his ass off,
But he still does when he watches P.Ramlee's movies,
Even after watching them for what that could probably be the 567th times.
Yes. They are that good.

But the current Malay movies?
UGH.
Thank God we have people like Yasmin Ahmad, Afdlin Shauki and Sharifah Amani to save the movie industry.
If we have any to start with.

And I really really really want to watch 'PS I Love You'.
Yes. I am still raving about the bloody movie + book.
Never gotten over it.
I did watch like half of the movie,
From a friend's Samsung IPod thingy.
Miniscule screen, whispering sound.
Not that satisfying.
To Anyone who can get me the movie : I'd go out on a date with you.

I think I need to get myself something too.
I dont remember the last time I bought myself anything too.
A new top would be nice.

And the whole moving house,
We're at our final 30%.
I dont like packing, I never like packing.
Because it kinda gives you the heavy,sad feeling that you have to let go.
And I am NEVER good at letting go.
Never will.

The house's looking good from Dad's new phone's gallery,
But the thing is, Mom strictly "menguatkuasakan" the 'No Cats' policy.
So I have to leave all my darlings at the old house.
I was just bonding with Bubu, (my fat, lazy, but very very comel cat)
And I actually teared for a while while messing with its fur.
Bubu hates it when you mess with its fur. Kinda 'kacau' his cute factor.

And people people,
You should really check out these songs :
1 - Almost Lover : A Fine Frenzy
2 - She's More : Keith Urban
3 - I'll Kill Her : Soko.

Well, the first two songs are awesome songs, but the third one is funny.
Worth checking out.
Specially for girls whose boyfriends got snatched by bitches.
Yes. Well-dedicated for them.

I seriously think I have a problem moving on.
I like being in the well.
Arina's gonna wait for me,
And I told her flat out,
"By the time I'm done sitting in the well, you'd be an old spinster."
Since she said I need to follow the light she's given,
And I need to get it over and done with.
But I dont want to.
I like it here.

If only you would have told me the truth,
Then I believe life would be so MUCH easier.

In general, if everyone tells the truth,
HECK! Life would be so much easier.

Then I don't have to wonder who still loves who,
Whether I should still miss you or not,
Or who's still into the whole thing and who's not,
Who's angry with who and why,
Who's pissed with who and why,
Who hates who and so and so,
Who's pretending and who's not.

And I would then know what to do next.
Stay. Take a left turn. A right maybe?
Move on.
That sort of things.

Thanks to you,
I am pretty much messed up.

No. I am not going to tell who.
And dont even bother figuring out.
Simply because, its a passing thought.

What can I say? I LOVE exaggerating.

To : Aisha

I am REALLY sorry about not inviting you to Subang today.
I am GENUINELY sorry about the whole thing,
And I am really feeling guilty and bad about not inviting you.

You see,
The thing is Iona was going to find a job,
In Subang,
And I needed to meet Arina in One Utama.

So I thought if I tag along with Iona,
The she could probably accompany me to One Utama.
Godknows how we want to get there,
But at least I have a company.

That was at 11pm.

And then I was texting Daryl to let him know about the whole moving house thingy,
But it seems that he ran out of credit so I had to meet him online.
And was telling him about us going to Subang.
And he was like, " Wanna come over and have a drink?"
I thought it'd be only for a while,
And we're not even sure if we're really going there.

That's like 12am.

And then somewhere in the middle of my chat with Arina,
She told me the One Utama plan is cancelled because no one can get a bloody transport.
So that cancels off the One Utama plan.

That's at 2 am.

The promised time to leave is 10 am,
Because Daryl has to go off by 2 pm,
To study it seemed (laugh now!).

But Shits happened.
I woke up at 10 am and Iona woke up at 11am.
And there's been problems with the cars and all,
We finally left at 12 pm.

And I only asked mom's permission at 10.30am.

And then we were lost in the middle of Subang,
Godknows where,
Had an hour (plus minus) walk to INTI
Because Iona doesnt want to take the cab.

And that's like 1 pm.

When we arrived,
And waited in Asia Cafe,
Before Daryl arrived,
It was 2.20 pm.

We hanged out there for a while,
Meet people here and there,
And everything before you called.

That's 3-ish pm.

By 4 pm, I was sleepy so I thought we ought to make a move.
So we were walking in front on INTI and Taylors
Where we saw TJ.
We chatted and everything,
Before we saw Shaun Shern.
And then there were Seng Aun, and Henri and godknows whoever else.

By 5 pm,
We (Iona + Khadi + TJ + Henri) were FINALLY in Subang Parade.
We were job-hunting for Iona too.
And then we had dinner,
And finally reaching home at 8.30 pm.

Point is,
It was all impromptue and trust me,
You miss NOTHING.
It was fun while it lasted,
But it'd be more fun if you were there.

And I dont know how to go on some more,
Because I think I just made it worst or some sort.

But I am truly truly sorry!
And I shall make it up to you someday ok?
IM SSSSOOOORRRRRYYYYY!!!!

Last Week :

• I almost died due to excessive stress of the Finals.
• I listened to music the whole 2 hours of Math Final Exam Paper; while attentively solving my equations
• I found out about another scholarship.
• I was all over KL in 20 hours. 'Nuff said.
• I missed a friend and got pissed with another one.
• I cursed a hell f***king lot.
• I left Nilai for what I have in Klang, and sorta miss whatever I have in Nilai.
• Managed to return back to Klang with 1 big luggage bag and that's all.
• Managed to squeeze 2 pillows, 1 small pillow, box of books, one box of food, one box of random stuffs, a laundry basket, iron, iron board and a few other stuffs, in MY LOCKER.
• Went for 2 nights of ALL-NIGHTER, and one night of only few hours of sleep in between the two ALL-NIGHTERS.
• Called Iona at 3am in the morning, because it was fun to do so.
• Broken my usual curfew and reached home late but did not get punished. PHEW!
• Found out I'll be leaving my cats here when I move house.

Today :

• I went to Ikano. Furniture shopping. Awesome shit!
• Been tired and felt like dying.
• Coming down with a stupid flu.
• PMS-ing the whole day. WAS on killing mode.
• Got annoyed with the whole family.
• Went on hyper mode because I talked to someone I really genuinely miss the past few weeks
• Found out that I am going to hang out with Iona tomorrow, at, uh...somewhere.
• Have been procrastinating the packing for 2 days now.

The Upcoming Week:

• Serious catching-up on the sleep
• Hibernate
• Control my splurging mode
• Help mom around the house.
• Get ready to move house
• Saturday : Moving home. (on 25th Oct)
• Go to Subang teman Iona ask about her job.
• Bond with my cats
• Get excited about moving to a new house.
• Refurnish my OWN bedroom.
• Hang out with Aisha.
• Meet up with Zaty : Sunday

Due to some unavoidable visit to my cousin's,
I had to extend our raya session to today.

We started 1 hour later than the promised time,
As yours truly, the driver woke up late.
Yes. Mom went out today so no one woke me up.
(Ok. so i forgot to put alarm. sorry lah!)

This time its a small group.
4 people.
Farah, Nazzrin, Malik and I.

After fetching all the 3 of them,
We headed to see my heartthrob.
Yes. We went to Arsyad's house.
Yes. It IS the same house that Afiq lives in too.
*swt*

We raya-ed there for half an hour because the thing is,
His house was supposed to be on the to-go-to list of yesterday's raya session,
But they didnt because we ran out of time.

So we sorta made up for it today.
It was fun.
Kuih raya + arsyad with his hot wheels cars + talks on The Curve, Cuppacakes and random things under the sun.

We had to leave pretty soon because the next stop is Bukit Jelutong.
Yes. People. I drove all the way to Bukit Jelutong.
*nose flares*

Farah paid for the toll,
And the other two dudes? Baggage/Liability to the car.
But fun, useful liability since Farah and I dont know the way there.
It is true. Women are bad with their sense of direction.

But lets focus on the more fun side of it.
I got to drive at 110km/hour.
Keep this within this blog.
Dad might slaughter me if he sees this.

We were driving in circles for 20 mins at the heart of Bukit Jelutong,
After a 45 mins drive with 2 people arguing about whether to turn left or right,
Go straight or turn at that junction,
And also a memory lapse of where the hell Mama Kitchen and Big Plate is.
Yes. A journey filled with a hell lot of confusion.

And the INTERESTING part about driving in circles is that,
I got into an accident!

To date, this is my 3rd accident.
1 - Not supposed to be known by public accident
2 - KLIA I-almost-die accident.
3 - A bang to the car which causes more than a scratch but less than a dent.

Well, this time, I am proud to tell the story of the accident here,
Because : -
1 - it is not my fault.
2 - it is not my fault.
3 - refer to reason 1 and 2.

Well you see, as I was driving in circles at the shop lot,
There's this car reversing while I was right behind it.
Estima. Or was it Jazz. I am not sure.
I know it's big car for big family kind.
Yes. That one.
(I know I know. I am lame ass when it comes to car. Sorry la. I only know EXPENSIVE PRETTY CARS. *giggles*)

So I was driving pass it till it hit my car.
Well it's not my fault.
Everyone knows you're supposed to look before you reverse.
Now that I think about it,
Malaysian Driving Law is pretty awesome.

There's always the correct side of the road and the wrong side of the road.
Like they ALWAYS give the upper hand to the drivers on the right side of the road.
Godknowswhy, anti-lefthand side of the road.

So technically, based on the Malaysian Driving Law (if there is any),
I was right and he was wrong.
A little bit taken aback for one moment,
But the dude was super nice and everything.
He was actually worried about me and my car, then only look at his car.

AND.....He has a really hot son.

SHEEESSHH!! What? That son of his IS hot.
So I got a little bit distracted.
And I got the number AND the address,
So maybe I should stalk him?
*shakes mind out if it*

AND he said he's paying for the damage.
Seriously, what is left to be fussed about?
Well, except for the really hot son.

Point said, we were having a little bit misadventure before FINALLY reaching the house of that friend.
God knows if anyone remembers Rabiatul?
Yeap. I went to her house.

It was beautiful.
And far from STAR.
Imagine travelling from her home to STAR every single day?
Gosh. A HELL LOT OF HASSLE.

We catched up. Chatted.
Before I had to leave with the two dudes,
Since Nazzrin got to go back to his university today.

The thing is, I wasnt really that close to Rabiatul,
But because she's a best friend to my best friend,
And it's been a while since I last met her,
That's why I went there.

Well, on the bright side,
I got to drive FAST on the highway, see a really hot dude, got into an accident and know Bukit Jelutong (sort of.)

After dropping the two off,
I went back home to rest before going out (again!).

This time to Albert's house because I promised him I'll come today to pass him his birthday present,
And basically because his mom called me up yesterday to come today.
So yeah.

Since no one wants to follow me to Albert's,
And I thought Malik knew the way to Albert's,
I asked Malik to accompany me.
But turned out to be, he doesnt so it is as good as if I was going alone.
But I was glad he teman-ed me because after that I had to go grocery shopping.

I got the wrong shoes for the shopping session.
Was wearing my Raya heels,
And I forgot to take the trolley,
So Malik, being the freeloader cum accompany-er,
Being an absolute doll held all my grocery items.

I'd have to say, I sorta pitied him because by now, practically everyone knows how I shop.
So...yeah.

And then to Sate Kajang,
Because we were expecting guests over for dinner,
And Dad was craving for sate.

I was waiting for Arina to come over too,
But she couldn't make it,
Since there was this MASSIVE jam at Karak highway,
And she was stuck in the car for 14 hours.

It was funny to think that Arina got stuck in a car,
With a handphone with flat battery,
A cranky cat, and her aunt and uncle.
It is a laughable situation. Trust me.

Claustrophobic Arina in a car for 14 hours.
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!
(she would so kill me if she sees this)

And because I was uberly tired due to driving and entertaining guests,
The day ended at 11pm.
Earliest time ever this year.

Oh well!

Anyway, anyone knows who's 'me' in my chatbox?
Dont go anonymous man. I'm confused.
And Sha, glad you like the skin.
Spells me all over it kan?
Not 'me' as in 'me' in the chatbox.
But 'me' as in 'me' Khadi.

It has been an absolutely tiring day today.
Reaching home from Johor at 11 pm last night,
Somehow I didn't have a really good sleep.
In fact, I think I slept at 3 am last night.

But.... I managed to wake up at around 9.30 am,
Thanks to Mom's AWESOME SUPER LOUD voice.
Yeap. You kinda miss mom waking you up when you're already out of the house.

The Raya plan today was to convoy to every house of our old friends.
Starting point : My house.

Of course being the person we are,
Only 2 persons came at the promised time : 10.30 am.
However, more people gradually came after that,
With FINALLY everyone arriving by 12.30 pm.

After a whole lot of discussion and debate about whose house to go to,
We finally decided to get out of my house and start our convoy.

Next Stop : Fadli's house.

We didnt get to hang out long at his house,
Because, ARE YOU KIDDING?
With so many duit raya awaiting for us out there,
We want to hang out at his house?
PFFTTT.....

And then we headed to Farah's house.
Where we had a specially made mee goreng by Farah's mom,
And basically hanged out there from 1.30 pm till 3.00 pm.

It was great just to catch up on stuffs,
After AGES and AGES of not meeting up.
Gosh. I can't even remember the last time I meet up with these people.

Of course being in the usual gang,
It was just Farah and I to 'mewakili' (whats that word in English?) the girls,
With another 8 more boys + 1 toddler.
Afiq's brother.

But but, the trip has to be cut short on my behalf,
Leaving Farah alone with another 4 more boys + 1 toddler,
Since I had to go to my aunt's house for luncheon,
And another 4 more boys had another Raya adventure to attend to.

Being very excited about Raya,
And about meeting up with old friends,
(Apart from brushing off the fact that I have finals next Wednesday)
I absolutely forgot to take any picture,
Till when I was waiting for mom to pick me up from Farah's.

Being away in Nilai made me miss a whole lot about home.
The people, the house, even the cats.
To date, i've only have 5 days of buka puasa with family,
With the other 23 days in Nilai + 2 days in Fraser's Hill.

I am even more upbeat about this year's raya because of the time spent away from the family.
Its true what they say, "you wont appreciate it till it's gone."
And I do appreciate it now that it's gone.

Supposedly if I did not get the shoes last Sunday,
Daryl offered to accompany me to Shah Alam to go shoe-shopping.
But thank god I did find the shoes,
If not I'll be stuck shoe-less for Raya as I needed to help mom bake raya cookies.

It was awesome, though we started pretty late than the original plan because I slept at 4 am talking to Arina.
Dizzy girl she is! Haha! Messin'!

We baked 4 types of cookies,
A hell lot of a lot of cookies and tempting too!

As I was excused from fasting that day,
Due to some unavoidabl excuse related to woman's nature,
I secretly pre-tested the cookies.
Sedap!! I wont lie to you.

And the feeling of spending time with Mom and sisters was absolute heaven.
I love how Raya just bring everyone together.
We chatted and laughed the whole time.
And the oh-so-delicious-looking cookies?
Dont even get me started.

I'm leaving for Johor tonight.
Up till Friday or Saturday I think?
And I'll br around till the 7th before I'm off for a week back to Nilai for Final Exam,
which I have not studied yet. EEK!
But then, 15th Oct +3 weeks after that, I'd be back to the heart of Klang, surrounded by loved ones and we're moving home then!
But that's a totally different story.

Do do book a date with me!
I need to meet up with you people!
I miss you guys a whole ton lot.
And hopefully there will be a house-warming/open house this year like I always have previous years.

And who's up for a mission to move house?
I need a lot of man power!

Gosh. It's gonna be a great raya!
I know it deep down!

To : Those related.

That is my kasut raya.
Yeap, bought it last Saturday with Daryl and Iona.
After a meet up with Iona, Daryl, Jamie, Weiguan + 1 (go figure!)

A breakfast meet up (in fasting month) since I screwed up the night before punya meet up since I had to go to my aunt's to break fast.
Altho' I'd have to say I'm pretty much taken aback for not being able to attend it,
But I am some sort glad I didnt because turned out to be my cousin's getting engaged next week in Kuantan and my family cant make it.
So it's some sort of a pre-engagement party thing.

Been crazy nuts since I last saw these people.
Iona = 2 weeks plus
Jamie = since she left Kampar
Weiguan = since Suzanne's birthday, which was in August
Daryl = since I left for UIA kot?

Yeap. AGES since I last met them.
And Iona, frankly speaking, tak jumpa sehari pun boleh cakap tak jumpa ages.
Sha cant make it because she has church. Wish you were there, hun, because we didnt get to catch up during facial session at Iona's the day before.
And I like your pierced ears, anda nampak sangat ladylike!
Haha!

Daryl woke me up at 10 am when IONA was supposed to wake me up.
Turned out to be, the woman hasnt even wake up yet when we arrived at her crib.
Bla bla bla...
We got stranded for TWO HOURS trying to figure out where to eat when we ended up eating at Aeon Bukit Tinggi, the place I originally wanted to go shoe-shopping with Iona.

The main purpose of meeting up this time is because I have this crazy urge to meet with weiguan+1 since its a shock that I do not know about this +1 from him, but from Iona.
She's cute la wei! I like her. Bring her down more often.

We catched up on stuffs, not that much though because weiguan+1 and jamie got to leave for KL by 1 pm.
So there were just me, Iona and Daryl : shoe-shopping

Mission : to find brown heels to match my raya clothes.
Accomplishment : Mission accomplished after 2 hours of going around the mall and getting distracted every 15 minutes.

It's great to have both around and keeping up with my fussy-ness.
Cant help it! Got to find the perfect shoes for it.
Sha, you should have been there. I miss you man!

Oh well! Saje je nak boast I got a new shoes.
Haha!

I just got a really bad stomach ache all the way to Petaling Jaya campus.
I ate ice-cream at 11pm last night.
I did 2 presentations yesterday, had an account tutorial with my classmates later last night.
Yes, the lecturer trust me that much to allow me to tutor my classmates.

I didnt eat rice for 2 days already. Cause : Diet.
Next week : Raya, and I cannot wait to go balik kampung.

4 Dorm mates fell sick this week and I tended to them.
I slept at 4 am last night because I was doing my LAUNDRY.
Yeap, laundry. The washing, drying, and FOLDING. *giggles*
I miss Home.

I lack love and lack food.
Haziqah came over to visit me yesterday.
I found out someone is flirting with someone and I feel like killing that person.

Amount of assignment is KILLING me.

I met a friend from Telekom scholarship camp and she's here in PJ.

Have I updated you enough?
Friends in Klang, I MISS YOU.

P.S : I went for a radio recording session just now to send my ucapan hari raya.

Recently I just did my English Listening & Speaking presentation,
Where we had to present argumentative speech on topic of our choice.
I picked 'Love is Foolish', and I dare say, by far, this is the best piece I've done.

Because there are girls close to tears as I ended my speech.
Pretty awesome eh?
Just posting it up to be shared with everyone.

" There's this song that goes something like this,
"Wise man says, Only fools rush in,
But I can't help falling in love,
Falling in love with you."

Love is everywhere. Love bonds a mother to her children, bonds a man to a woman, bonds a stranger to another stranger, and bonds a human to a non-human.
Love has built a kingdom, love has destroyed a kingdom.
Love has caused death, love has caused life.
Love blinds, love opens the eyes. Love, love, love.
That was how powerful love is. So much has been said and told about love.

The good, the bad and the ugly side of love. Have we talked enough about love? We keep going on and on about love. Because, frankly speaking, no one is ever sick of love.
We all need this thing called love.
And then, one day, this particular saying existed, " Love is foolish."
Is love foolish, ladies and gentlemen?
To me, I strongly believe that love is not foolish.

Love is what that makes the world go round. This is why love is not foolish.
The fact is, love is unavoidable as it is everywhere. Love is the essence of living itself; love is the essence of the world.
There is more to love than just between a male and a female;
You may be emotionally detached but no one can deny the fact that there has to be at least a cell of love in that person's body; if not for anyone, but at least for oneself?

To quote an English poet, "He who never love, never lived."
This shows the significance of love in our lives, as love resembles a part of who we are today.
Therefore, how can love be foolish if it is there, as a part of us. No matter how hard we try sometimes, we simply cannot rub off the fact that we do need love to go on with life.
All I'm saying is that if we say this thing called love – that has been a part of our life, throughout these living years – as foolish, what would that make you and I, ladies and gentlemen, fools?
Ponder upon that for a moment.

Moving on to my second point as to why love is not foolish.
Love is not foolish because it is not love's fault at the first place that things turn out the way they are.
We see tragic love stories of the past such as Romeo and Juliet that took their own life at the age of 14 in the name of love.
We heard of how Cleopatra ended her majestic life, all in the name of love.
These people may be stupid to end their lives in the name of love, but think again, ladies and gentlemen,
How is it so that these stupid acts of fools in the name of love be given the right to tarnish the food name of love?
We should all step back and see that some things are meant to turn out the way they did.

Some turned out good, some do not. But this is how the world goes around. We have to lose something for something else to be gained, be it in love or life.
After all, love is not foolish as some might have claimed because love itself is the ultimate power.
We are the living witness of great things the world can do in the name of love.
We are the living proofs of how our mothers' will to risk their lives for the sake of bringing us into this world.
We've seen a man giving away his hard-earned money to the needy ones.
All of these deeds are done in the name of love.

Not only that, there are great artworks and pieces made in the name of love. Let me name some, people like William Shakespeare with his hundreds of sonnets and Elvis Presley with his last-through-the-test-of-time love songs.

Love is indeed so powerful and strong because of love, our Prophet Muhammad saw has prayed at his death bed for all the pain of death inflicted on his people be borne on him,
For he could not stand the thought of having his people suffer so much pain.
There is no doubt that people tend to be very blinded by love.
So much so to the extent that they make mistakes that they regret later in the future.
Love has blinded them so badly that they fail to see beyond their loved ones and made them forget about themselves.
The cause of living has diverted from living for oneself to living for the loved one; which proves that love is foolish.

However, I still have to disagree with the statement that love is foolish. This is simply due to the fact that it is the people that make the mistakes. The fact is that love does not screw up because love is incapable of screwing someone's life.

Love is a natural entity that does not take side nor affect you in any way.

It boils down to how we acted upon love and how we behave around it that truly determines the definition of love in one's perspective.
Of course there are tragic love stories, but then again, not every love story ends tragically and not everyone has tragic love ending.

It is all up to us and how we act, which truly matters when it comes to love.

All in all, love is there in all of us. Love is the essence of life.
Both you and I cannot deny love or run away from it because it is a part of us.
If only we all could throw away the hatred towards love, the past heart breaks and the tragic relationships of the past,
And allow love to be given the chance of being looked at from a perspective free from judgment and stereotypes, maybe then we can see how great love can be; and how lucky we are to feel it.

Sometimes, bitter experiences of the past forces us to perceive love as of it is an evil feeling to have. Therefore, I suggest we give love a chance of being seen through eyes free from judgments and prejudice. Again, I would like to emphasize that love is not foolish."

Thank you.

In about few hours from now, I'd be returning back to Nilai.
It has been indeed a really great weekend, spending time with friends.
Not so much with family, which is pretty upsetting but I shall make it up to them.

Returning back from Nilai, I was accompanied by Haziqah from Bangi,
And later joined by her boyfriend in Serdang, who left at Shah Alam station leaving just the two of us up till Teluk Gadong.

Sleeping in and waking up at 3 pm on Saturday,
I was indeed a happy woman.
Cant recall the last time I slept in.
Like really wallop sleep in.

The day was 'started' with a meet-up with Aisha,
An hour later than the promised time.
Due to unavoidable causes.

We were joined by Iona later,
Who was just done with her meet up with Jamie, PeiYin, Darren and Bel.
We walked for another few hours (I was in my killer pumps. which was a bad mistake!)
Before finally deciding to crash mamak for dinner.

The thing I miss about Klang is the mamak,
Since Nilai has non-existant mamak around.

We settled for the usual choice of practically all the post, present, and future STARians.
Modern.

Walking in,
We saw Cherylyn, Brendan, Vignes, Jacklyn and Lay Kuan on the same table.
After serious screaming and hugging moment,
A meet up that was supposed to be up close and personal turned into a huge one.

Basically catching up on stuffs,
Gosh, I do miss Klang a whole lot.

While we were busy catching up on stuffs,
Another old mate of ours came.
Suzanne.

So I was shouting her name half way across the block,
And got practically everyone staring at my table,
But it's ok.
It felt like school all over again.

Then on Sunday,
I woke up at 2 pm after being deeply annoyed by the text messages that flowed in.
I ignored half of them till like few hours later (sorry text sender!)
And then I was out (AGAIN).
But this time with Farah and Malik.

Been about close to 3 months since we last see each other.
So we basically walked around, sit and have a drink or two.
And just catch up on each other's life.

Got to leave early because it's fasting day the next day.

And today, just woke up, sent the papers I am supposed to print for Malik to his house,
Went to Starfly to get some Harlequin's books for my classmate back in Nilai,
And am here the past two hours typing this post away.

I've been wanting to change the blog skin.
And I've found some really good ones last night.
But doubt I'd have the time to actually do that now,
Since I have not pack, have not do my homework and I have not even buy groceries yet.

Therefore, there might be a conclusion that the new blog skin won't be up till Raya.
Since I wont be coming back the next 3 weeks.
I have activities over at the campus.
Yes! I am sad too. I'm gonna miss home BAD.

But oh well, till Raya comes,
Please do do do take care of yourself.
And I shall find time somehow to meet you guys.
And anything, you know how to reach me right?

Before I end this post,
I would like to take this chance to wish :

(credit to Safwan for the Khadi in MNG jacket before we got tegur-ed to stop taking picture since you're not allowed to. Opps!)
I've never really did blog about my life in Nilai.
Basically because I dont have anything to blog about there.

Yes. Basically I hang out with guys a whole lot over there.

And the only real true girl friend I have there is Arina.

And the other Arinah. Whom I don't have the picture with now.

But then again, her friends are also almost all boys.

So yeah, I don't really have female friends.

(p.s : I know you're reading this, and i love you to death, but this is too cute to not be put here. LOL!)

It's not that I did not try to make friends with the girls.
Neither did Arina.
We did (sort of.)
But we just couldn't "ngam" with the girls.


I just HAVE to be different there.
Be all non-conformist and all.
And Arina is basically just the same with me (which is why we instantly clicked)
So these girls feel awkward mingling with us (vice versa),
And they give occasional stares at us.

These girls are generally very nice people.

But Arina and I just dont belong to the group.

I know that we are being potrayed in their eyes as either :-

1 - Sluts. Not those gedik-gedik type. Just the kind that are always surrounded with boys.

2 - Stuck-up and sombong peeps who think they're too good for anyone

3 - Basically, lesbo. Since Arina and I practically hang out EVERYWHERE together. She even sleeps in my room.

To clarify things,

Firstly, we're not sluts. It's just that we dont know how to mingle with that kind of people, referring to the girls.

Yes, we're the female-friends-making handicaps. Just the other day, Arina left me alone with a bunch of girls class mates of mine and a guy while she went to buy us food. I couldn't get into the conversation like normal people do, and basically every attempt to penetrate into the conversation was a definite failure. I figuratively got thrown out of the conversation.

Secondly, I may look stuck-up-ish, BUT I am not. It's just that it's how my natural face look like. And we do not hang out with rich kids (who consist half of my class) because they're rich, but because of who they are. And we speak English practically everywhere because I am used to speaking English 18 hours per day in Klang and Arina just suck in her BM.

These people think we love going around boasting that we speak English because we thought speaking BM is degrading and we hang around rich kids because we think other normal kids are not good enough for us.

This is a very stupid statement and university students should know this better.

Thirdly, we're not lesbo. We're just super awesomely close friggin' friends that travel together everywhere. And Arina is generally a very loving person, so she randomly hugs people and say she loves them (and mean it) at anytime of the day. And we love spending time together. Does that makes us lesbo? Those people think weird.

We know we're not the typical Malay ladies.

We're loud and boisterous.

Tak tahu malu and VERY open-minded.

And we're not as ladylike as 3 quarter of the female population there.

Which makes it even harder for us to mingle with the girls.

We laugh too loud, We are too open-minded, we're what they call as "terlalu bebas" especially with boys and we do not talk softly like most of 'them'.

But seriously, by now, I don't care anymore. Neither does Arina. Because we both have each other over there. Anything and everything happens, we know we ALWAYS have each other to depend on. In fact, if the girls do not want to befriend with us, we don't mind. Because we both promised to be there for each other. Like what we always say, "We travel in pairs. Take one, have to take us both."

Thank god the boys are open enough to take us in.

Weekends away from home were definitely filled with a whole lot of fun.

A whole lot of EXPENSIVE FUN.

Fun that aches my wallet these days.

But fun is still fun no matter what.

Haha!

From watching The Dark Knight, to playing bowling (and finding out that I terribly suck in it), to hanging out in Secret Recipe, and celebrating a friend's birthday 3 weeks before his actual birthday, and down right till almost getting killed in a car crash,

All of them spelt fun. True definition of fun.

Moving on to introductory of people I generally hang out with at Nilai.

"Arina"

Basically I see her all the time. Excluding the few hours of sleep. Morning up till late of night. It's Arina, Arina, Arina.

A really, really nice and thoughtful person. Generally a very sarcastic person, but when she loves, she really loves.

She's a real definition of fun and she keeps me off thinking about home and my best friends ever so often. Fear not dear friends, I am well taken care of over there.

Things really are crazy with her, sometimes good crazy, sometimes bad crazy.

But that's the thing with Arina. She's just a crazy girl.

And thank god I found her, because i'd be emotionally deranged if I am still alone by now.

"Ikmal"

This dude is just simply closed up. Wouldn't tell a bit about himself, till like LONG after we know him. Finally he's opening up to us. Not that much, but thankfully, getting there.

Yeap, he's cute and I am not even going to lie. A true gentleman who carries a lady bag for her, gives his seat to old lady in the train and wears lip balm for health purposes (chapped lips),

I absolutely salute this man. He works out (hot biceps. teeheehee!), has really good fashion sense and generally a very protective person to his friends.

Although he's ever so comfortable with us now that he's BRUTALLY HONEST about everything (yes, our weights, our heights, our actions, EVERYTHING), and he dares to play pranks on us,

He's generally a very nice person and a great friend.

"Safwan"

This dude is generally a very emotional person. Loving and caring at heart, he beats me when it comes to emotions. He's better at being emotional than I am.

I look emotion-less next to him. Been a really great company to us and despite people teasing him for who he is, he always get our support in whatever he does.

Arina and I have officially announced that we are Safwan's support system. Where we will go to him WHENEVER he needs us, he's feeling down or sad, and would BELASAH anyone who disturbs him.

Yeap. I sound like some ah long now. But he's a nice man.

"Shaz"

Shaz is the new addition to the group. Yeap. The one in pink.

He's that kind of dude that belongs to the rare population of people, "Not Looking Gay In Pink" kind of people.

A part-time model, he's Louis Vuitton all the way. Bag, to belt to wallet. A proud owner of Louis Vuitton items.

Man with sweet words, we know from how he calls us that he's a very loving person. A very fun person, based on our first outing together (till today), I am eager to know more about him.

And you got to agree with me, he's pretty cute right?

Moving on to the people I don't hang out with that much.

(I dont hang out that much with them, so you cant expect me to tell much about them. I just want you to know who they are. that's all. :) )

Left to right : Safwan, Ikmal, San and Asyraf.

Left to Right : Safwan, Fatin and Liyana

Left to Right : Ikmal and Zamir.

And also pictures from our previous outing.

"arina and kdee."

I told you I wasnt lying. That, fellow blog-ders, is Louis Vuitton bag. And I am the proud owner of it (for that moment.) What?! Do you think I'll ever get near that item ever again in my life?That is going to be the closest I am going to be to a Louis Vuitton item, EVER in my life.

"Ikmal and Shaz"

Please, please, please do ENVY me because I have hot friends. *evil grin*

"arina with her pretend-to-be boyfriend" and she loves this picture.

"kdee and ikmal"

He sucks at smiling. But I cant possibly turn down the offer of taking a picture with him, can i?

*weird smile*

"The Foursome. We Rock. We Talk. AND we're all about FUN."

*points at Louis Vuitton bag, AGAIN*

" 4 + 1 "

"One part-time model. The other two, just plain wannabe. But are doing a good job at it."

Signing Off,

"Shaz. Arina. Safwan and Ikmal looking extremely happy while Khadi got stuck on the other side of the camera. Pffttt... :]"

Been ages since I last updated this blog.
I know I have not been doing my blog any justice, nor the readers (if there's any left by now),
But I really needed the weeks off and away from you people, the blog, the past and basically everyone.

Fear not, whoever's reading this blog,
Because I am pretty fine over here.
I've got friends, awesome ones, to keep me all bubbly and hyper,
Late night sessions (and waking up late for classes the next day) to fill my days,
So I can safely say I'm pretty alright.

But I do miss home a whole lot now.
It's been almost 3 weeks since I am last home,
So been whining about how much I miss Klang and its peeps.

Moving on to why I am blogging right now,
It's simply because this one is worth blogging.

So last week was a really crazy week.
Which explained why I wanted this weekend to myself.
To sit down, re-evaluate and make up for the missing nights of homework.
But that didn't happened.
But then again, not here to talk about that.

So, this week is like super crazy I had to start with Sunday.
Ok, Arina just said I cant write that.
(Arina is this crazy girl I haven't got the chance to talk about. I'll dedicate a CRRAAZZEEEE post for her, SOMEDAY. Not gonna be anytime soon.)

We'll go with Monday.
Oh wait! She said no to writing about monday too.
So sorry peeps! Kill her. She made me not write it.

Moving on to Tuesday.

Tuesday was WILD!!
This is what happened.

So, I had this big bottle right here in Nilai.
I carried it like practically EVERYWHERE. But that particular day, I was fasting.
So you cant actually bring the bottle around. I can't resist the temptation.
So the bottle was happily sitting on the upper bunk bed (my bed) the WHOLE DAY.
Up till like 12-ish, when my dorm mate was like lying down on the floor nearby my bed,
And the bottle ROLLED OFF.
Right in front of my eyes.
1 litre of water in a big bottle.
BAM! Hit her on the cheek.
She was shivering in pain, the cheek was blue and I FREAKED OUT.
Went down to the guard, who was fucking ignorant, didnt want to send her to hospital,
After a whole lot of lies and anger,
I was in the ambulance at 1 am, on the way to Seremban Hospital.

Cut story short,
We went from Hospital Seremban, to Senawang to Nilai then lastly to Putrajaya,
Fromm 1 am till 5.30 am.
Trying to find a bloody clinic or a hospital with x-ray.
My night was well-spent re-evaluating my karma in an ambulance.
Glamorous night eh?

Then on Wednesday,
Some pompous drama about ARINA, her classmate , my classmate and a whole lot of miscommunications.
I was drained.
Drained of emotions and energy to even go over the details again.
It's more FUN speaking face-to-face.
So, DO ask me.
(I didn't really mean that.)

Thursday,
The continuation of the Wednesday drama.
Gila shit tiring to go over this too.
Somehow, everything got worst that day,
I fell sick, She was upset.
We were generally very upset, sad, pathetic and tired people.
Yeap. We were even cranky to lecturers.
*rolls eyes*

Friday was the peak of the drama week.
A friend whom I've never got the chance to talk about decided to leave us.
God knows if it's for good, or because he misses home
(Though I doubt he actually misses home because he's having a whole lot FUN here, hanging out in KLIA at 1 am because it's FUN??!)
Anyway,being the nice friends we were,
Arina, Safwan (I'll talk about them some other time ok?) and me, and another dude who drove us there went to send this friend off to KLIA.

Actually we went to LCCT, he got the wrong information,
We had to get to KLIA pronto.
Some betting happened in the car
(Sarah, don't tell any of our family relatives about this)
And the dude who drove us there was driving like a MANIAC.

Note to witnesses of Daryl's driving : You think Daryl's dangerous? You should see this guy! Put daryl next to this guy, Daryl's a SAFE driver. That was how dangerous he was driving.

AND a hell lot of speeding (Iona, Sha, I've got to tell you live. Remind me to)
We reached the roundabout,
And fellow friends and family,
You guys almost LOST me.

Yes. I almost died on the way to KLIA.

There were this HUGE trailer right in front of our car,
When we were taking this turn at the roundabout,
So it was our fault,
And for that one moment,
I thought,
"This is it. I'm gonna die."

But thank god (not so much tho') another car hit us from the side.
The car went up a bit, almost toppled, but didnt really toppled,
Car badly dented but no one was hurt.
So yeah, I can go around now saying,
"I ALMOST died because of a car crash."

Bla bla bla...the next thing we knew,
We saw the last sight of our dear friend,
And 3 of us were crying in the middle of the airport.

Not beautiful?
I thought so too.

Thank god it's a wrap when the clock striked midnight.
No one could take the week as well as we did.
We managed, we survived,
We LIVED to tell the story here.

Well, actually more of me telling the story and ARINA sitting next to me, fixing my grammar.
Yeap. She had to stare at the screen with me.

Oh well!!

I do miss home a whole lot now.
I miss Iona and Aisha and peeps in Klang,
I miss mamak food, I miss home, I miss my cats,
I miss basically everything.

When I'm back to Klang,
I'll update you guys with lots and lots of pics.
And when the line's less sucky.
Unlike here in Nilai.
PPPffttt.....

My plan to update this blog every weekend has been an absolute failure.
This is due to the reason that I am far too busy doing other things (catching up with friends, shopping, watching tv, go out with family, sleep etc etc) that I just don't have to update that frequently anymore.

There are those times of the day when something super brilliant would cross my mind and I know it'd be a superbly good material to blog about,
But then, the thoughts are never really posted up in this blog due to the fact that :-
1 - There is no internet connection
2 - The inconvenience of posting the post up.

Put aside all the rantings and move on to my points.

I received a message from a dear friend last night.
What we talked about shall remain discreet betwen just the both of us.
But I guess I could not help but to think of what she felt last week.
Being down and all.

I'm not sure if I told her this before,
But she has always been potrayed as the strongest person I've befriended with.
And when she (almost) broke down, it crossed my mind.

Crossed my mind on how we lie ourselves that we're strong enough.
Strong enough to face this world alone.

"Yang kuat akan mamah-mamah dan makan yang lemah dan kecil." - Baik Punya Cilok

I guess it's how the world has been formed into that makes us the way we are.
We think that we cannot help risking ourselves by showing that we may be gullible and weak at times.
That we need to be protected once in a while and that it's not wrong to feel weak at certain times.

Do not get me wrong.
I am not pointing to anyone,
Because honestly speaking we are all just like that friend of mine.
Even I am like that.

There are times when I feel like the worst loser,
There are times when I feel like all I wanted to do is rot and die in a hole,
There are times I feel like giving up to the world and all the shits in it.

And I refuse to admit to the world about it.
I refuse to tell a friend about it.
I'd rather have it eat me inside out,
Till I feel so weak and fragile.

That's where I was wrong.
That's where we are wrong.

We need to Be Weak so that we can be stronger.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Don't make me sing Kanye West's Stronger.

All I'm saying is that it's ok for us to cry once in a while.
To tell a friend that we need them because we don't feel like ourselves.
To seek for the comfort of others because that's the thing you need most at the time you're at your lowest point of life.

Life is about dependence.
I remember learning about dependence in Science when I was in Standard 4.

The teacher told me that everything needs to be dependent on each other.
Trees need air to breath, Air needs trees to be produced.
It's the law of the Nature.

And here we are, defying how the Nature works.
Because we are too scared of the probability of being crushed if we show our true selves.
The sometimes-I-can-be-weak self.

All I'm saying is that it's ok to let people know that we're weak.
It's ok that we need people once in a while in certain episode of life.

And that goes to all of the readers, including the blogger herself.

Take care of yourself.
Weakness is not permanent, nor it is a crime.
It's a part of you, the part you are not supposed to be shameful about.

And if you need me, anytime, anywhere,
Do sms me.
I'll get back to you, no matter how busy I am.

"I always make time for everyone no matter how busy I am." - Khadi

I would love to blog more,
But my time's running out.
It's late and I'm still out.

Aisha has been telling me to update my blog.
And I think no one ever visits my blog anymore these days.
But then again, who would visit an un-updated blog?

Life has been treating me fairly good.
Not too bad, not too good either.

I was back on weekly basis the past few weeks.
But I am not sure if I will be coming back home next week.

I don't miss home as much as I used to when I'm away.
I wake up at 7.30 am almost every morning.
I miss sleeping in a lot.
And I don't like Arabic classes, they're in the morning and they're very boring.
Arabic is like the Add Math class of Language.
Yes, that bad.

Entah apa benda la yang cikgu cakap.
Otak saya tak dapat translate data.
Otak saya merupakan 'dumb terminal' untuk Bahasa Arab.

Tafaddal Mashkurah! - Boleh blah!

Ohyeah....

I love, love, love my writing teacher.
He's so bloody funny it hurts because I laugh so much in his class.

I like my Reading teacher too.
She's sarcastic and dark.
In a funny way.
Brendan, I think she practices dark humour too.

I also found out that 3 of my classmates are from the place where I used to live in before I moved to Klang.
Small world don't you think so?
And 2 out of 3 knew my best friend from that place.
How cool is that man??!

I have also been up, and down and left and right this whole week.

See? I ran out of things to talk about.

Oh, did anyone read the newspaper recently?

Somewhere in London, someone got marks for writing profanities on his essay.
The question to the essay was, "What do you think of the room?"
And he wrote, "Fuck off"

That guy got 2 out of 100 for correct spelling and following the instruction of the question.
He would get another mark if he puts a dot after 'off'.

And I personally think it's hilarious.

Have anyone notices that this is the breakup season?
I've got 3 people in my dorm (ALONE) that just broke up with their boyfriends 2 weeks ago.

This kind of things make you re-evaluate your relationship status doesn't it?
And you can't help but to be paranoid about it, somehow right?

All I'm saying that it is ever so often we need convincing and assurance to lose the doubt.
Do not fret, I am just like you.

I forgot the reason behind it.
I couldn't convince myself about it.
And then, it was in front of my eyes,
And all that negativity disappears.

Crazy woman talking at 2 am in the morning, ignore.

Songs which I highly encourage you people to check out :-
1 - I'm Yours by Jason Mraz
2 - The Trouble With Love by Kelly Clarkson
3 - The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore by James Morrison

I went to the doc today, and she told me I have gastric.
Nothing serious, so no worries.
But I think the reason behind it is either : -

1 - Refusal to take dinner (I gained weight ok?)
2 - Rush to eat my lunch (One bloody hour to buy food, eat food, pray and get to class before lecturer. What do you think we are? Superhumans?)
3 - The constant intake of lemony drinks. Iced lemon juice, iced lemon tea. Acidic drinks.
4 - Skipping breakfast occasionally. Woke up late.

I met up with Brem, Justin, Katrina, Kelvin, Weiguan, Aisha, Darren, Daryl, ChuanYing and Annabel today.
Pretty cool huh?

My phone is scratched pretty badly and the Wi-Fi in my dorm sucks!

I want to eat McDonalds!!

These are the random things I want to tell you people,
Before I find some really good topic to blog about.
Do message me if you miss me.
I will reply you.
I am pretty bored there la.

The Music Shuffle Meme
1. Put your iTunes/ music player on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must put down the song name no matter what.
After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the meme themselves.

What would best describe your personality?
Akhir Cinta Abadi - Nidji

Lol. The first verse is so suitable.
" akankah kau melihatku
saat ku jauh
akankah kau merasakan
kehilanganku"

What do you like in a guy/girl?
The Voice Within - Christina Aguilera

I want someone who can be the voice within me.
"Get me the cake."
"Cake I shall take for you."
LOL. I am funny!

How do you feel today?
Sa Rang Hae Yo - JJ Lin Jun Jie

He was lucky he came last night.
I was about to dump him,
But now I am in a 'sa rang hae yo' mode.
Sorry girls, he's still mine.

What is your life's purpose?
Aku Punya Kamu - Faizal Tahir

Memiliki dunia. World domination.
Haha!

What is your motto?
I Swear - All-4-One

I swear!

What do your friends think of you?
Mencintaimu - Kris Dayanti

Kawan-kawanku sememangnya mencintaiku. Tak boleh cakap apa-apa.
I'm lovable!

What do you think of your parents?
Tercipta Untukku - Ungu

Memang tercipta untukku. Tak boleh cakap apa-apa lagi.

What do you think about very often?
You Raise Me Up - Westlife

Lack of aspiration. Memang kes kronik.

What do you think of your best friend?
Never Again - Kelly Clarkson

What I think is totally opposite of the song.
Lol. Scary la! Iona, I am going to sing this to you if we are no longer best friend ok?
To Aisha, all I have to say is, " Jangan! Jangan!Jangan Berhenti!"
LOL!

What do you think of your crush?
The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore - James Morrison

This song is super emo! Should check it out.
LOL. To my crush, the pieces REALLY don't fit anymore.
When I'm back to Singleton, I call you back ok?
Well, unless if you're Rain or Wang Lee Hom or Anuar Zain.
Then I guess it's exceptional.

What is your life story?
When You Say Nothing At All - Ronan Keating

This is offensive! I know la I talk a lot. Don't have to put it that way!

What do you want to be when you grow up?
It's Not Over - Chris Daughtry

Pink Power Ranger! I am not going to give up. Because I am a fighter and it's not over.
Hahahahaha!

What do you think when you see your crush?
Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word - Leona Lewis

Sorry la. Siapa suruh lambat?
Kan I told you I won't take you unless if you're Wang Lee Hom, Anuar Zain or Rain.

What do your parents think of you?
Ketulusan Hati - Anuar Zain

Anak mereka tak cukup ketulusan hati.
Ataupun kejujuran for that matter.

What do strangers think of you?
Big Girls Don't Cry - Fergie

Oh yeah! I am a big girl and I don't cry!

How's your love life?
It's All For You - Leona Lewis

Sacrificial. And break-up-ish mode.

What will they play at your funeral?
Kiss Goodbye - Wang Lee Hom

Hell yeah you people ought to kiss me goodbye.
I am the essence of the world.
I am supposed to be missed, a LOT.

What will you dance to at your wedding?
No One - Alicia Keys

I am going to be so deeply in love with my husband on my wedding and I'll feel exactly like what's in the lyrics. I'll make sure of that.

What is your hobby/interest?
When You're Gone - Avril Lavigne

Hobby : Emo-ing.
LOL.

What do you think of your friends?
Nobody Knows - No idea who sang that

I'll feel like the lyrics if I lost my friends.
Being away from them is miserable enough.

What song do you listen to when you are sad?
Hurt - Christina Aguilera

Totally.....

In love?
Savin' Me - Nickelback

More to Drowning Me.
I think.

What song do you air guitar to?
Have You Ever Really Love A Woman - Bryan Adams

This is the song I would air guitar to guys out there.
Provided I know how to air guitar,
Have a guitar,
And know how to air guitar this song.

What should be your signature karaoke song?
Just The Way You Look Tonight - Frank Sinatra

I would totally karaoke to that.
Only that I would sing 'Just The Way I Look This Morning'.
One word, terrifying.

What is your greatest desire?
Love Like This - Natasha Beddingfield

Greatest Desire : To Love Like That.

What does next year have in store for you?
If I Ain't Got You - Alicia Keys

If I Ain't Got You, money, what would I do?

What's your outlook on life?
Without You - Kenny G

Can't Live Without You, that's for sure.

How will you die?
One Moment In Time - Whitney Houston

I'll die a winner. One moment in time.
Gaya siot!

Do people secretly lust after you?
Everything's Just Wonderful - Lily Allen

I am wonderful. Those people who doesn't secretly lust after me are screwed. Seriously.
But that's the way things go.

The best advice you will ever get:
Kekasih Gelapku - Ungu

Kena jadi kekasih gelap seseorang?

What will I be doing for the next 3 months?
The Way I Am - Ingrid Michaelson

Be myself.

What do you think of the person who tagged you? (Cherylyn)
Hari Ini Esok dan Selamanya - Acha Septriasa

I am deeply in love with Cherylyn?
LOL!

What will your future mother-in-law be like?
Only One - Yellow Card

"You are, you are my only mother-in-law...."

What is the favourite song of the doctor who will help deliver your baby?
Keabadian Cinta - Anuar Zain

Anuar Zain makes everything easy. Including labor. Highly recommended.

If you wrote a book, what would it be about?
I want to Go Home - Michael Buble

Kahkahkah! I can start today. I want to go home!

What sort of world ruler would you be?
Can't Help Falling In Love - Michael Buble

Told you so. I am lovable.

Will you ever get a dog or cat?
Hero - Enrique Iglesias

I will have a lot of cats. I'll be their hero!

What would you say at your Oscar/Nobel prize acceptance speech?
Behind This Hazel Eyes - Kelly Clarkson

Confirm gila if I say anything like that song. Apa hal?!

What is your superpower?
Stay With You - John Legend

Make people stay with each other. Loving would be a breeze.

Why are you attracted to enigmatic brooders?
What I've Done - Linkin Park

Because of what I've done. Eventhough I don't know what enigmatic brooders mean.

I tag : -
Yasmin Ahmad
KennySia
Weiguan
Sarah
Marcus

I know I am posting posts two days straight in a row in Nilai.
I know that I am supposed to be in lectures right now.

But I am now in cyber cafe,
Sitting in a really bad chair with a guy right next to me.
I totally appreciate privacy now.
And I am taking random quizzes.

Please, don't say a word.
I just want to post this up to feel good about being away.
And I like the prediction.
Something to expect from where I am currently standing.

I eat ice creams everyday here!

		I will marry Daryl.
		After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in Langkawi in our fabulous Apartment.
		We will have 14 kid(s) together.
		Our family will zoom around in a White Jazz .
		I will spend my days as a Accountant, and live happily ever after.

Yeap.
I am typing this away at 7.35 am.
I'll be leaving in exactly half an hour.
Plus minus that is.

I still have 4 outings to blog about,
But I don't have the time to do so.
So I am going to do so the next time I return.

I feel the crazy urge of updating as much as I can last week,
But time does not permits me to do so.
And God knows when I'll be back again.

Trust me on one thing,
I'll update the blog as soon as I get my hands on any internet connection.

Wish me well and wish me luck,
And you too fellow blog-ders,
Take really good care of yourselves.

And dear friends,
Thanks again for the awesome outings we've had.
You know who you are.

To those who I did not meet last week,
Trust me,
If I had the time,
I will meet you.
It's just that 24 hours is not enough.

Gosh! I'll miss Klang a lot!

It's felt like forever since I last went to a wedding ceremony.

Thanks to the wedding ceremony that has to be located far away,

I was late by an hour for the meetup with my Starfly colleagues.

I went to pick up Kak Riah and Kak Diyana later on.

It's proven. Women have the worst sense of direction.

We were lost for 10 mins before reaching Kak Diyana's house.

Then off to Jusco Bukit Raja for some minor shopping.

I didnt get anything, and so did Kak Riah.

Well, partially because I wasn't in the zone (for shopping) and I went to the same shopping mall twice in the same week.

Kak Diyana was shopping for Father's Day up till 7 pm while Kak Riah and I lazily cruised the same floor for what could have been the 6th time,

Before we all proceeded to the food court for some food.

Well, it was a rather odd choice for me to eat at,

But I didn't mind, because the company matters more.

I sent the two 'anak dara' home by 9.30 pm and spent the rest of the night lazing around the house.

I miss staying at home.

Signing Out,

Bunyi macam sedih

After two outings the previous day,
I decided to hang around the house for today.

As the day is closer,
I notice how much I am going to miss home.

A whole load that's for sure.

Nothing interesting happened that day.
Basically a lot of helping around the house,
PS2-ing,
And watching tv.

Later in the evening,
I went to Giant for last minute shopping.
And I noticed how bad the service is over there.

I've been to Gian twice this week,
And I've got the same treatment.

Lat monday when I went to Giant,
The cashier was taking his (or 'shim' in his case) own sweet time scanning items.
And mind you it's a fast lane.

Again today I kena the same thing.
I've got like more than 1o items,
And the lady cashier was taking her own sweet time.
And overlooking at me ever so often.

When time is crucial,
I don't have a plan to be nice to people.
So I gave her the i-am-pissed-look and pray hard she got it.
But NOOO.....She continued staring at me even more often.
I was THIS close to strangling her,
It's unbearable!

Then I had to pick up Sarah from MrG,
But I was late by 20 mins ( and Sarah was very very angry)
But I got to see MrG.
He's well though he doesn't look so good.
Gosh I miss his classes.

I had dinner at home and a whole lot of onlining.
And that, my dear blog-ders, is my Friday.

PS : The pic above is my new black heels. Vincci 50%. Wickedness is beyond happiness.

Yesterday's outing really drained me out.
So I decided to take a day off and not go anywhere.
Furthermore, we invited our neighbours for dinner because they're shifting house very soon.

I (think) I woke up at around 11.30am/ 1.30 pm.
I lazed around the house like no one's business.
And it was boring.

I was only leisurely hanging around the house for a day,
And I was really bored.
So bored I started feeding myself food.

Mom excused me from chores this week.
No idea why though.
Probably it's just her getting used to not having me around to help.

Therefore I took the chance to go out much later in the evening.
Say around 6.30 pm.

I went over to Mr. Tan's house.
Mr Tan was my Additional Math's teacher.
I went there to pass him my result and some thank you gift I bought him.

He was delighted to see me.
Still as cute as always.
With his shorts and socks.

"What to buy for Mr. Tan huh?", I asked for my sister's opinion when we were present hunting,
"Socks."Sarah replied so casually.

And then I headed on to T.S. Kua to meet Mr.Sithra,
My account teacher.
For the same reason too.

We talked for a bit.
He was saying about how accountancy would do me good if I actually have a degree in it,
Compared to Economics and Business Admin,
So I am going to listen to him (along with other people) and MAYBE take accountancy.
But heck! That's another year away.

I did a slight detour to the photo shop to print more pictures for university use.
That is, after Dad called to tell to fill up the tank.
Assuming that the petrol station would be slightly emptier if I actually go later.

But, I am rarely right,
So I ended up stuck in a petrol station in front of the hospital for 1 and a half hour,
With Kak Diyana and Sarah.
Because, yes, I've never fill up the petrol so I asked Kak Diyana to assist me.

Thanks to the petrol price hike,
I miss the soon-to-be-ex-neighbours-of-ours and I had to be stuck in a car that was going to run out petrol pretty soon, linin up for petrol.

Even on days I want to relax also, still got adventure.

Signing Out,

The Hike Sucks!

Nothing beats spending time with people that truly matter in your life.

Zaty and I wanted something light for lunch,

Aisha was just keen on eating waffles.

Iona thought waffles sound fun.

Daryl? He just got stuck eating waffles because no one wanted to eat where he wants to.

What I personally think of the waffles,

They're very filling. Definitely worth the price.

Although the service is sucky, And I got a blended chocolate instead of the blended Cappucino like Daryl's one.

Worth checking out.

I seriously think they look adorable in those pictures.

Macam studying something serious eh?

Yeap. Studying what waffles to eat.

We were what they called as spoilt for choices.

This is the only group picture I managed to take of us.

And taking that picture alone, We already got stares from the two lads next table to us.

Daryl had to leave right after lunch as he has class till 4 pm.

So now we're all girls walking around the mall aimlessly.

We went in and out of everywhere,

It got really confusing and horrifying.

Like the time we went to the Techie Lane,

It's like one by one got captured by the Geeks there,

That by the end of the Lane,

There were just me and Iona.

So like horror right?

Aisha and Iona left not long after, leaving just me and Zaty.

Daryl said he can fetch me home if I waited till after his class finishes,

And the girls insist on me going back with him because 'it's been a while since you two spend time together'.

So I did.

And everything else's history.

(Because I disconnected and half of the post missing and I am tired so I will not re-write every fucking thing)

Ok ok.

Something hilarious happened at the apartment that we dropped by because Daryl needed to do something.

We almost lost our way because Zaty doesn't know the way back to her own house.

Daryl and Zaty were both angry with the lady thar double-parked behind us, making us stuck in the parking space for 20 minutes,

And I've got a proof of the whole thing.

So it may not be the best proof I've got. But it's like Dane Cook's standup joke,

"I was washing the dishes, and I heard it. So I came out. I could give you the dishes as Exhibit A."

Something like that.

And Daryl told me he might bring me to Timbuktu,

Because he doesn't know the way home. (Weird humour sense.Don't ask)

I had a chat with Daryl,

After for what has been probably the longest time we've talked,

Just the two of us.

Even though the chat was short and brief,

And the outing was indeed tiring,

And I wasn't really feeling like myself,

I know I got down from Daryl car,

Feeling all happy and delighted I lived to go through today.

What you said meant a lot to me.

I could never thank you enough for all you've done.

Thanks for a total blast Tuesday.

Signing Out,

Drained but Happy.

Finally a day of nothingness has arrived.
I have been waiting for day like this since like, EVER!

I thought I could sleep in for like the first time since such a long time,
Then wake up and hang around the house.

But since I only have about 9 days before I leave for Nilai,
I thought I make a full use of the 9 days for final outings with friends,
Whom godforsakenknows when will I meet after I start university.

Well, the original plan actually was to meet up with Janus today.
Because he was the first to book the days I'm off to meet up.
Because we promised to see each other, and kept on delaying it till like today.

But anyway, I messaged him last night,
And he didn't reply me.
P.S : Janus, what happened?
So I assumed it's off.

Thank god it's off.
Because I was practically out of the house for the whole day.

My day started early.
Say around 9.30 am because I need to go to Shah Alam to go buy stuffs for my hostel life.
I miss being the only child.
Because there were only 3 people who went to Shah Alam.
Dad, Mom and me.
So I got the whole backseat all to myself.
Bwahahaha!!

We bought pillow sheets and bed sheets and few other stuffs.
Those you can't find in Klang.
No idea why though.

Then off to Jusco Bukit Raja,
Because we wanted to buy things that Shah Alam doesn't have.
Cliched? I thought so too.

But anyway, we bought so much stuffs.
I never knew hostel life is like this complicated.
It's like buying things for my new house.

We came back at around 2 pm.
I was still waiting for Janus to reply, which he didn't.
Aunty called at 3 pm to tell us to go over to her crib because my aunty from Sarawak just came.

Furthermore, this would be the last time for quite some time before I meet them again.
So, Janus, in a way I was thankful we didn't meet up,
Because I would probably cancel the meet-up anyway.
But I digress.

Anyway, around 5-ish we left for Puchong.
The whole family that is.

I was looking forward to seeing both of my lovely cousins whom I did not meet for such a long time.
But they were out and didn't come back till like after we left.

So I just read books and magazines with Sarah to kill our free time.

We left at around 9.30 pm.
Dad was being spontaneous,
So he told my sis to call our cousins to see if they're home or not.

10 mins later, and tada! We're in Putrajaya visiting another relatives.

We got stuck there for like 20-3o mins,
And then we went to Bangi to visit another relatives.

By the time I reached home and read this,
I dont make much sense and sleepy.

Sorry No Pictures la.
We don't take pictures at family gathering.
LOL.

Signing Out,
Day 1 Over and Done With

Today was the last day of my work.
Indeed I felt sad.
Walking down the same corridor to my waiting spot for the very last time
I can't help but to feel ver sad.

Sometime earlier today,
My boss came with his girlfriend.
I was glad they came.
Because I thought I could never see them after this.

I told boss' girlfriend that it's my last day working there.
Boss found out,
And he was sad.
The reaction was obvious.
And it certainly made it harder for me to leave.

The last 3 months have been great.

Tag first.
Got tagged by Sha.

LAYER 1: ON THE OUTSIDE
Name: Khadijah Shamsul
Birth Date: 12th March
Current Status: Taken
Eye Colour: Brownish black
Hair Colour: Brownish black. Orang kata perang.
Righty or Lefty: Lefty and proud of it.

LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE
My Heritage: Malay
Fears: Cicak, ghosts and death
My Weaknesses: Not punctual, impatient and procrastinate too much.
My Perfect Pizza: A perfect blend of EVERYTHING.

LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW
My Thoughts First Waking Up: Did Mom joked when she said a lizard (or two) just committed suicide under my bed?
My Bedtime: Not fixed. Bila rasa nak tidur, I shall tidur.
My Most Missed Memory: Standard 6, Form 3 and Form 5. Those great, glamorous years.

LAYER 4: MY PICK
Pepsi or Coke: Neither. I like Kickapoo!
McDonald’s or Burger King: Depends on mood.
Single or Group Dates: Both. Since I haven't try both.
Adidas or Nike: Adidas! Adidas socks rock!
Tea or Nestea: Tea.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate. Always has been and will be chocolate.
Cappuccino or Coffee: Both. But I like cappuccino better.

LAYER 5: DO YOU…
Smoke: No and not planning to. Bau busuk!
Curse: Quite often nowadays.
Take a Shower: Twice daily
Have a Crush: Yeap2.
Think You’ve Been In Love: I did. And I got all that wrong. False feeling analysis.
Go To School: Used to.
Want To Get Married: If not him, then nope for now.
Believe In Yourself: Occasionally. I have hard time believing.
Think Your A Health Freak: Ha-ha! As if!

LAYER 6: IN THE PAST
Drank Alcohol: No. And never will
Gone To The Mall: Addicted to it
Been On Stage: Yes, and loving it while dreading it. It's a love-hate thing.
Eaten Sushi: Yes. And me no likey sushi. Tak kenyang~
Dyed Your Hair: No. But blonde would be pretty, macam Cik Mimi.

LAYER 7: HAVE YOU EVER…
Played A Stripping Game: Not yet, but it'd be fun.
Changed Who You Were To Fit In: Don't we all? It's a struggle to be accepted.

LAYER 8: AGE YOU’RE HOPING…
To Be Married: When the feeling comes. Age is just a number.
To die: Age is just a number. I want to accomplish my mission in life, and then I can die. Happily.

LAYER 9: IN A GUY...
Best Eye Colour: Green
Best Hair Colour: Jade black
Long or Short hair: Long
Personality: Romantic, caring, responsible, protective. You know, those my-knight-and-shining-armour guy mixed with sensitivity and metrosexuality.

But hey, even if The Boyfriend is not like above, I still prefer him over the dream guy above.

LAYER 10: WHAT WERE YOU DOING…
A Minute Ago: Thinking
Hour Ago: Watch TV
4.5 Hours Ago: Watchning TV
1 Month Ago: I think I banged my car into a wall.
Year Ago: Tuition.

LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCES...
I love: to continue to love, but could I?
I feel: mixed fewlings!
I hate: being broke
I hide: secrets
I miss: the old times
I need: strength and guidance

LAYER 12: TAG 1
Iona

I love sleeping in. Like today, I slept till 12.30 pm.
I love missing mornings.
I love mornings. (self-contradictory. I know)
I love sunrise.
I love sunset (better)

I love shopping.
I love shopping during sale.
I love high heels.
I love handbags (especially over-sized ones)
I love Adidas socks. (I don't know why, but I have a feeling I am addicted to Adidas socks. Fucking cute!)

I love gloomy days.
I love shady places.
I love sky at night.
I love staring at the sky at night.
I love stars and moon.

I love doodling butterflies, flowers and hearts when I am free.
I love talking.
I love reading. Even labels on food.
I love walking.
I love sitting in the car (even better)

I love speaking out loud.
I love laughing out loud
I love cursing 'fuck' at random times of the day.
I love hugging people
I love talking to both boys and girls.

I love speaking in English.
I love speaking in Bahasa Malaysia, just for the sake of being funny.
I love being loud and boisterous.
I love not being punctual
I love being famous for not being punctual

I love my multi-racial friends.
I love reading horoscopes.
I love reading predictions and astronomical stuffs thing that predict your future.

I love House MD
I love Desperate Housewives
I love Sepet, Mukhsin and Gubra.
I love Gol & Gincu
I love all the movies directed by Yasmin Ahmad and Afdlin Shauki.

I love dressing the way I dress now, because this is my style.
I love talking the way I talk now, because this is my style.
I love walking the way I walk now, because this is my style.
I love thinking the way I think now, because this is my style.
I love living the way I live now, because this is my style.

I love being insecure
I love being paranoid
I love being doubtful
I love being indecisive
I love being hesitant

I love being confident
I love being a leader
I love behaving like a miss-i-know-it-all
I love behaving like i-am-too-good-for-you
I love who I am now

I love smell of morning coffee and freshly-baked croissant
I love the smell of lavender
I love the smell of his soap

I love attention
I love fame.
I love being chased after.
I love feeling wanted
I love getting even.

I love them.
I love him.
I love you.
I love me.

I love being the Khadi you know now.

And he gave a more satisfying feeling to me at the end of his turn.

6 things i'm passionate about:
- Talking
- Laughing
- Shopping
- Ice Cream
- Reading
- Love & Life


6 things i say too often:
- "Fuck la!"
- "What the fuck!"
- "That's cute!"
- "He is so what-the-fuck!"
- "Tak nak lah!"
- "Poyo gila!"
- "Huh! I don't like you."


6 books i’ve read recently:
Dan Brown's "The Da Vincci Code" (i read till Chapter 16)
Dan Brown's "Angels & Demons" (i read the cover)
Saka Tok Mun by some Malay novelist.
Sophie Kinsella's Shopaholic Ties Knot
Sophie Kinsella's Shopaholic and Baby
Sophie Kinsella's Remember Me
Snoopy Book on Best Friend and Love.
Tony Parsons' "Man & Boy"

(i work in a book store. 6 books is an understatemnt)

6 songs i could listen to over and over again:
Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow - Amy Winehouse
More Than Words - Frankie J
Unwritten - Natasha Beddingfield
Colbie Caillat - Feeling Show
Colbie Caillat - The Little Things
The Littlest Things - Lily Allen

6 things i learnt for the past year:
"Never ever play with Karma."
"Pretty People Are Unlucky"
"You're More Wanted if You're Taken"
"Guys have no sense of appreciation after they got themselves the girls that they wanted"
"Sometimes it's good not to plan anything because things just never go as planned"
"If All Fails, You Should always, always know that all you need is your girl friends and family. And God."

6 people to tag:
Nora
Zaty
Sarah
Aisha (not sure if you've done this)
Janus
Brendan (i think this guy doesn't do any tag, but he's hilarious. so i'm going to see how he does this tag. it'd be eccentrically FUN~!)

Some list I came across while going through the old posts.

1 - Go out partying the last day of SPM (hope Dad allows me to)
2 - Celebrate Iona's birthday and buy her a birthday present.
3 - Get a job or jobssss.....
4 - Get a lot of money to sustain my very-free-i-got-nothing-to-do-but-to-spend-spend-spend lifestyle after SPM.
5- Get a new phone
6 - Get new shoes
7- Get new clothes
8 - Get new jeans
9 - Get new handbag
10 - Buy necklace and lip balm
11- Get new specs
12 - Get contact lenses
13 - Buy shades
14 - Driving lessons!
15 - A tour to EVERY mall within the region of Klang all the way to the sempadan of Perak (that would include Subang, Damansara, Bintang Walk, Petaling Jaya and many many more)
16 - Learn cooking
17 - Perfecting the art of being a true woman (which includes capability of cooking, sweeping, and doing the laundry)
18 -Visit Bandar Botanic's new Jusco
19 - Celebrate ALL the festive seasons next year. This would also include Hari Gawai.
20 - Celebrate unnecessary celebrations like Valentine's Day *hint!hint!* and my Birthday.
21 - Go on dates. LOL.

11 out of 21 missions.
Since last January.
That's not bad right?

It's going to be 3 am in less than 6 minutes.
I'm just done chatting with nearly 6 people.

And I know it has not been fair to fellow blog-ders that I have not been updating as much as I did previously.

Life hasn't been pretty much of a bed of roses.
Not many know about this,
And simply because I don't want to look whiney in front of people.

But I guess, today,
Things are far too much for me to handle,
And for all I care, for me to keep.

For a starter,
I have been telling to myself the past few weeks that leaving for Nilai in less than a month is going to be brisk.
You know, a year, you sleep on it and the next thing you know, you're done.
Well, I lied to myself.
I am perfectly not well with the fact that I have to be sent all the way to Nilai to study economy in an Islamic University.

Two,
I have been looking at the whole idea of being in an Islamic University and studying economy as a not-so-bad idea.
I mean, it's surely a new environment and I can very well adapt to it, sooner or later.
But again, I'm lying to myself.
I don't like to be told how to behave myself, be a hypocrite and accept whatever that is laid in front of me.
I like talking to both girls and boys.
I enjoy wearing pants and high heels.
I hate graphs and economy sends shivers down my spine.

Three,
I'm sick of Dad and everyone else constantly asking me what do I want in life.
I don't bloody know what I want in life.
And every single fucking person is asking me what do I want to do.
Well, I want to marry some Dato' son and have a lot of kids.
That's what I want.

Four,
I am tired of our country's tertiery education.
Just because I got a B4 for my Biology,
I am absolutely banished from the list of possible medical doctors,
When that was what I perfectly aimed for for the past 17 years of my life.
But just because I screwed up with my sucky Bio teacher and sucky bio subject,
I am supposed to fucking erase that one and only ambition of mine from my future.

And then people ask me,
What do I want?
I want to fuck people around!
That's what I want.

Seriously, I have no idea what I want.
Not in my education, not even in my life.
I can't even plan ahead of next week.
And you're asking me what I want in life?

Honestly speaking,
I think it's not fair that people do not get to pursue what they want in life.
I thought tertiery education was supposed to lie down the path to your future for you.
Not totally destroy the base you have, and lay down a new base for you.

I was not meant to not be a doctor.
I was not meant to be sent off to Nilai.
I was not meant to be forced to pick two paths of which I don't favour at all.

But do I have a choice?
No I don't.

Five,
I looked like I have been living my life to the fullest.
GuesS what? I am tired of living,
And I am giving up on living.

I am tired of adapting to new things,
And when I am finally getting comfortable,
I have to change.

I am tired of looking after myself and pretending to be strong and all,
Because I don't want to have to be strong all the time.

I am tired of making the 'right' decisions.
Fuck! I don't even know what is right anymore.

I am tired of going against my will,
Fighting for every bits of life when life is being undeserving to me.

I am tired of looking things from the positive eye, thinking everything is alright.
Because things and life are not that way.

I am tired of making important decisions.
Because I don't like to pick between two equally important things in life.

I am tired of being me,
So tired I wish I could just disperse into thin air one day.
Just for one day.

But could I?

Six,
I am sick sick sick sick sick of uneducated people.
Having been working at where I am right now,
I am getting more sicker of the fact on how uneducated people over there are.

Do you want to call me morally-degrading people?
Please do so, because frankly speaking I don't care.

Every single fucking day I have to meet a lot of uneducated people.
I think their uneducated-ness has rubbed off on me.

I get to witness children at tender age trying to steal items from the shop.
Children as young as 5 years old.
Do not get me started on hygiene.
Simply disgusting!

One might not be educated in the sense of academic,
But hygiene is pretty much a basic.
I get to smell funny smell when certain people enters the shop.
Well, pardon me, But I can't help not smelling how you smell when you entered the shop.

I am sorry for being rude and everything.
Surely, one of the factor to lack of awareness in education is poverty.
But that's not the main thing that's stopping you from improving yourself to be a better person.

But no, just because you're leading a hard and poor life,
That does not mean you can steal items because you can't afford it,
You can not go to school because there's no point going to school because you're poor boohoohoo,
You can not be less bothered about your level of education because you know no matter how hard you work, you'll end up being a factory worker anyway.

I am ashamed of the state of the people surrounding me daily.
I'm sick of seeing the ladies potraying themselves as merely sluts parading around, waiting for guys to pick them up and upgrade them to babies factories.
I'm sick of people who are incapable of adapting to the surrounding they're in and expecting the surrounding to adapt to them.
I am sick of shallow, fickle-minded people who thinks their race is too good for everyone.
I am sick of people who is not very well-aware of where they stand to where they are trying to achieve.
I am sick of seeing little kids running around the shop area at 3pm when we all know better that they should be in school or at home, taking power nap or revising.
I am sick of mothers and fathers who let their kids roam around at such hours and frankly speaking, all they know is fuck each other and make more babies. Weee...
I am sick of how people (including me) have to live in fear daily because people around that area are not educated or making effort to educated themselves that all they know was to rob a shop to earn quick money.

Seven,
I've had enough of people assuming that I am strong enough to face anything and everything in this whole fucking world.

An sms came in today telling me I don't need that person because I am a strong lady.
Well, guess what?
I am not.

I tried to be strong and calm.
But when I tell I need someone's favour,
I really mean it.
I never ask for favours unless if I really need them.

I didn't tell my family members nor my boss,
That I have been receiving visits from this creepy guy disturbing me at work.
Sure, go ahead and say I am being paranoid and over-reacting.
But when someone calls you 'sayang' and visits you for 3 days CONSECUTIVELY,
Telling you about how much he misses you and dream of you,
Telling you that he loves you,
Trying to hint to you he wants to get married to you,
Keep talking and disturbing you,
After you told him the first time you're not interested,
And then call me paranoid.
Oh, let me throw in he gave me perverted look and hang around the shop for nearly an hour today (and he's uneducated and really ugly),
Because we don't have any man in the shop to tell him off.

I wanted to tell that guy off,
But obviously referring to the level of education received by the guys at that neighborhood,
And the fucker himself,
I doubt a simple no would transfer as a no in his head.
And I had been warned not to tell him off in fear that the pervert might act violent due to my acts.
So what could I do?
I was stuck behind the bloody counter,
Trying to calm myself down and stop myself from shivering too much because the fucker was too busy staring at me,
And the people I've asked favours from were too busy to help me.

Sure, sure.
It's not their fault that they're busy.
I mean, people have other lives than to just protect me right?
And all I could get was that I am a strong lady.

Well, guess what?
This strong lady is going to be stuck tomorrow for 4 hours alone in the shop,
Praying hard the pervert doesn't come anytime between that four hours,
Because this strong lady didn't want to trouble anyone and didn't want to make her parents worried.

Eight,
I am sick of being a grown-up.
I don't want to be included in Mom and Dad's 'grown-up' conversations.
I don't want to make 'important decisions' because 'it will affect your future'.
I don't want to think about my job because 'I will have family and kids in the future'
I don't want to move out of the house and having to be 'independent'.
I don't want to 'be held responsible for my acts'.
I don't want not to be able to make mistakes and be loved because of me.
I don't want to be forced to think more than what I could,
To act beyond what I can,
To behave nothing like what I think I am.
I don't want to not be able to lose myself and my identity,
I don't want to be that impressive, confident young lady with mature thinking.
I don't want to.

I want to sit at home and be taken care of.
I want time to reverse.

But could I?

Nine,
I had enough of acting like I know.
I don't fucking know.
I don't know who I am anymore.
I don't know what I want to be.
I don't know how I feel.
I don't know what to think.
I don't know who to believe.
I don't know anything.

Ten,
I also had enough of being unsure.
I hate being unsure about how I feel.
I hate being unsure of where I am heading.
I hate of being unsure about what I am doing.
I hate of being unsure about life, love and myself.

Eleven,
This especially goes to that 'someone' inside the chatbox.
Thank you very much for your AWESOME thought in that lovely chatbox of mine.

Speaking of religion and of my boyfriend and I as if you know me and my boyfriend long enough.
I am utterly, deeply 'moved' by your words,
Brushing off those really awful grammar.

Even my sister had to read that twice to get the point.

I guess it's so hard being you right?

I totally get how it is a struggle to attack people like me,
And to justify the right of Islam itself.

It never really crossed my mind on how 'wrong' I was to have a boyfriend.
I mean, having a boyfriend that I barely even get to see once a week,
A boyfriend whom I've never gone to proper date to,
A boyfriend who's Chinese, but took the effort to go to the mosque during his NS training session,
A boyfriend whom I wish to hug and hold hands with,
A boyfriend to cuddle with and go date with,
But never got the chance to,
(Since I thought of how wrong it was to do so in Islam and how my parents' upbringing would go down the drain if I do so.)
And all of that and I deserve to be a Muslim?

Wow. I must be joking myself.
I mean, get real right?
I should salute those non-praying, hugging-and-kissing-in-public-couples, practices-premarital-sex, free-hair-modern couple that goes clubbing and drink beer,
Because they still deserve to be called Muslims right?

While me on the other hand,
Pray 5 times a day, never kissed my boyfriend, don't eat pork or drink beer, never stepped into a club and still a virgin, should be ruled out of Islam because I have a boyfriend?

How funny this world has turned into.
Even falling in love is considered a crime.
Note to self : Tell The Boyfriend to marry me tomorrow, because it's a sin to be my boyfriend.
Or even better, dump my boyfriend, be a nun and submit myself into a convent.

Why not point out that I have a Chinese boyfriend too?
Because I seriously think it would look so bloody impressive to defend your case.
Throw in my boyfriend drinks wine and eat bah kut teh too.

Am I saying that having a boyfriend is illegal in Islam?
I am not saying so.
Then am I saying it's legal?
I did not say so.

That is because I don't want to take any side yet,
Since I have never come across any hadith or Quranic verse that states one shall not have boyfriend etc etc etc.
Because the last time I checked,
Even if it is a sin, I should not be ruled out from becoming a Muslim.

Because one is no longer considered a Muslim if one has either acted the will of converting out of Islam, or one has said the will of converting out of Islam or one has the thought to realise the will to convert out of Islam.

And seriously, the last time I checked, I was not in any of the category above.
In fact, I still go to pray when I hang out with my non-Muslim friends.
Ask them, because you as an outsider clearly have no better idea of who I am and how I behaved.

So I do curse a lot.
I did once hold my boyfriend's hand.
I did things I shouldn't do.
But I put boundaries to what I do.
Of course I have sinned.
I am not denying it.
I am just merely a human.

But if you said that simply because I have a boyfriend,
That I should convert out of Islam,
That is just plain crap of bullshit!

If every single Muslims think the way you think,
There is no where anytime ever,
Will there be any Muallaf.

You know, since you can't have boyfriends,
Therefore obviously you can't have boyfriends from other race,
Then of course there's no way you could show the beauty of Islam to the other race.

It all click right?

Just between you and me, 'someone'.
I hope you did your careful thought on that 'muallaf' part,
And I bet you know this,
But just a small reminder from my behalf,
'Fitna' to your own relatives is also a big sin,
For God and Rasulullah himself have stated that one who spread rumours about the others,
It is just the same as eating rotten meat of one's relatives.

If you are wise enough to flame me with untrue accusations,
I am sure you're wise enough to reflect upon my words.