Debate

First thing first, I need to write this down.

FUCK. YOU. yes, you heard me. FUCK YOU.

haih, that feels good. I just need to write it down somewhere, don't worry, i am not talking about you.

Currently listening to "Cooler than me - Mike Posner". Definitely a feel good song. Makes you feel so good, and cool.

Its like when you listen to that song, you feel like "Hahahahaha!Ko bajet ko tu cool sangat ke? Aku lagi cool la. At least I am not poyo mcm you, and darling, i can so do it so much better than you do, except I DONT WANT TO! *laughs at the person face*"

Told you. Feel good song. Go listen to it.

That all, aside, im having another insomniac wave.
Sleepy, but cannot sleep. This is so cramping my style. How much do you wanna bet that i will only be falling asleep at 6am? Because that's been it the past 5 days.

I'm not trying hard enough? Don't worry. I have.
Try being in bed the past two hours, lying, tossing left and right, counting sheeps, counting circles, counting fingers, playing with shadow, talking to myself, singing along to Mike Posner (for probably the 100th time by now), and telling myself to sleep.
I have no idea what is wrong. I think too much sugar intake per day la.
Home is heaven, I had TWO apple strudel today. :)

But of course this post isnt gonna be talking about everything else i have mentioned above, but to talk about debate.

My bestfriends hate debate because debate booked me more days of the year than they could.
I, despite missing the weekends, home, family, best friends, peaceful nights not worrying about matterloading, still like debate.

I like the adrenaline rush of saying things and make the other opponents feel 'HAHA! KO BODOH' feeling :)

you see, i dont get to do that often in real life, because i'm nice. I have yet to go up to someone and say "Eh bangang, jangan semak depan muka aku boleh tak?" or "Bodoh" or "Fuck you"; although i have fantasy of saying such things, OUT LOUD. Because my momma taught me well, and i am generally people-pleaser.

So the only time i can do that, or permits myself to do that is during debate. C'mon, everyone just needs to bitch. Its a matter of how you do it. And furthermore, EVERYONE in debate clans are bitchy anywaayy... so i wouldnt wanna be left out.

I don't like how debate is taking so much of my time, the remaining time that I use to pamper myself. (yes, I always pamper myself, or make people pamper me) But I truly believe that to be good at something, you have to make it your life.

Hence, including debate in EVERY FREAKING ASPECTS of my life. If you could read my mind, every 1 min would be dedicated on how some article or line in the newspaper can be used as a good argument. Its like how every 10 secs, men think about sex, yeah the same thing.

I'm not good at debating, but I wanna be good at it. Like super duper awesome at it, and win some humongous tournament, get on the newspaper, gets interviewed on teevee, get on the wall of fame in IIUM and get MONEYHH. lots of them.

Ultimately, I want the fame, popularity, and power. :)
Yes, I am a power-hungry person.
I don't wanna be just GOOD at debate,
I wanna be AWESOME and be KNOWN for that awesomeness.
Haih, such an attention whore :)

But you get the drift.
Debate is dirty, because everyone is super smart, so they play dirty politics.
Like 'i don't like you so i find some twisted reason to give you a loss' or 'i don't like you so i keep pairing you up with bullshit debater' or 'i don't like you so i be the president and turn everyone against you' kind of shit.
scary huh? and that is like a fraction of the drama that happens in debating scene.

Why i wanna be good?
Because i wanna say to the face of people that screw me over,
"I am not just pretty, and smart, but I am also fucking good at debating,and the best part, i dont even have to play dirty politics like you do".

I really do.
Sometimes it's sad when you work so hard for that spot to get into a specific team, and they wont let you in because 'you are not good enough' or 'you lack experience' without commanding the kind of effort you put into getting where you are, that really kicks the heart and smashing it.

Or when they don't want to be friend with you because 'you're not good enough so no one knows you, so you're not worthy of being a friend to us the important people'
Or when they compare you to your comrades who are so much more experienced than you, and say 'you still suck since the last time we saw you'.

Those kinds of things.

These are the only reasons why I make it a point to make debating my life.
To prove them that they are wrong.
Because I am smart, and I can be good at something, if I want to.
And if I want it bad enough and willing to work hard for it.

I am rarely a slow learner, I just need to know first.

When I get there,
I don't wanna be friends with people who chose to discriminate and isolate me.
Because 'I am not good enough'.

You wait and see,
I will be the president, and I will rule you out of your own club.

Here's to terrorizing debating scene,
Because you guys are not nice.

*plays 'Paris For President*

courtesy to Iona, now everytime I think about being a president, that song popped in my head

The debate part of life is shared.
For now, I shall continue the next two hours staring emptily to the ceiling of my room



-Khadi-