The STAR choir team is recruiting people for this year's team.
Therefore, an audition will be held for those interested in joining.
Details adalah seperti berikut :
Day : Tuesday
Date : 15th January 2008
Venue : Bilik Gerakan SMKTAR
Time : 11 am - for afternoon session's students
After school hours - for morning session's students.
Do attend the audition if you're interested.
For further details,
refer to our choir instructor's blog.
Cherylyn's blog.
And to the ex choir members of 2007 batch,
You are welcome to come on that day to lend a hand.
I know I am coming.
We'll Rock The House Down!
Bye!
P.S : Do spread the words around. Thanks!
****
I know I posted that already like 2 days ago.
Or was it last night?
But never mind. I'm just posting it again so that people will continue to be reminded of the
audition and not blame me or whoever else because she/her miss the audition.
ANyway, something light for an opening.
Dad just gave me my first driving lesson.
On Mom's Hot Picanto.
Mom absolutely dislike the fact that her daughter was driving in her car without licence.
But I think it's more to "Habislah lepas ni dia bawak kereta!" sort of thing.
How does it feel first time driving an auto car?
I wasn't thrilled. But I was smiling all the way.
Well, except for the times inside the car.
I think I am gifted at destroying things.
First lap around the housing area,
I almost got myself (and Dad) into accident.
The funny part was,
Dad was saying "brake! brake!" like most of the time.
Terrified? Maybe.
But I know he was in serious stress.
I would too, looking at how I drove.
Because I kept on putting my foot on the accelerator.
To quote Dad,
"Biar drive lambat macam orang tua, tapi selamat." *one car overtook us*
Crazy? Hahaha! "Brake! brake!"
Moving on,
I think I am going to take a few days off blogging and online-ing.
Hard to do? Maybe.
Can I do it? I'd give it a try.
I need to take a break to wrap my head around something
(don't you even think of making a joke about how to wrap my head since I wear tudung bla bla
bla coz it's not funny. And yes, I read people's minds *rolls eyes*)
... From this point onward, it's going to be a gushing emotional gibberish talk about my life, that
if you're not interested in reading, you should stop now.
Honestly saying,
I don't feel 2008 has a good start.
Not for me, at least.
It's been like I'm not sure, 2 3 weeks since the Best Friend is away,
And daily, my emotional system is getting worse and worse.
This week alone, I broke down twice.
Yes, twice in the same week.
Last week, I broke down once,
On the phone with Iona,
(no one knows about the whole breaking down thing)
And to think of it, I am not even the one being sent thousand miles away from home.
Being a full-time unemployed licence-less broke woman,
Somehow gives me more time to be extra sombre.
Not that I am not before.
But it's so easy to be sad these days.
I know that people don't really notice this,
Especially with all the excessive laughters I had when I am around people.
You must be thinking, "gosh this girl has got to be kidding!"
Well, I am not.
In fact I am dead serious.
I've been trying to stay strong these few weeks.
I mean, it's like 8 more weeks to go right before the government returns me back my best friend?
How long would 8 weeks take right?
Well guess what,
8 weeks is equivalent to 56 days, 1344 hours or 80640 minutes.
Do you know how long is that?
(Yes, I use the calculator to calculate that, and no, I am not magically bestowed upon the gift of mathematic of all the sudden)
Do you know how long it takes to upset me?
Wait, rephrase, for me to upset myself?
One minute.
So that would technically gives me 80640 times to be upset.
That's a whole MUTHAFUCKING lots!
And it's not the fact that the Best Friend is away that upsets me,
It's other things.
It's difficult to say la.
You know, there are times when you just hit the bottom,
Because of everything, and sometimes nothing.
So you just need to stay there quietly for a while before you bounce back.
People say if anything's troubling oneself, that person should talk it to someone.
But I don't have that someone.
Do you get it?
I don't have such person that will always be there for me when I need him/her.
I just don't.
Unlike other people,
They know they can always have emotional breakdown and come to me,
Because I am always there. For everyone in need of a shoulder to cry on, a moral support, or even someone to talk to.
But I don't have.
Is it my choice to not have a person to come to when I need someone?
Of course not.
But then again,
I've always been very discreet with people about what is in here *points at my head* and in here *points at my heart*.
Because to me,
I don't like to show people my weaknesses.
I don't want to be approached as the weak one.
The Whiney one.
And then,
I'll drown myself in my own self-inflicted pain,
And kill myself (figuratively)
And there's even times when people say they will be there for you,
But the fact is they're never there.
Not when you need them the most.
Or maybe I need them at the wrong time.
But it's so hard living like this!
I am not exaggerating.
And it's been a while since I complain in my blog.
You know,
Sometimes I get so angry at that person,
And I get so upset about being angry at that person,
And then I get extremely depressed about it,
And have a really terrible mood swings,
Before I approach the person about it,
But failed at the very last minute because I've no heart to be hard and brute to that person,
And I'll jump into a phase of emotional detachment.
And then I dissolve from this world, taking a so-called break from living my life.
Which is in fact what I am doing right now.
People call it escapism and i love escapism.
But it's true to one point that I can't keep running away from this all,
Or taking a break,
And coming back like nothing happen.
But that's me.
I can't change that specific part of me.
And I'll do the whole escapism phase like once every two months or something.
At times,
It's not getting angry at a particular person that causes all the distress,
Sometimes it's just me.
I get upset at what I don't achieve,
Or I get upset with what I am feeling,
Or I get upset with what I am facing,
Or I'd simply get upset because of wanting too much.
Sometimes,
I don't know if I am hoping too much,
Or asking too much,
And obviously when you expect much,
You expect to make it real.
And here is where it hits me,
Mostly what I hope for is not going to happen,
And then I'd blame myself for wanting too much.
But when is too much is too much?
What if too much isn't that much after all?
Or what if my too much is insufficient to be too much?
Do you people get me?
Every once in a while,
I will have visits from Mr.Doubt and Miss Insecurity.
I'd reflect back on my life, my relationship with people around me, etc
And I'll start having crazy thoughts.
Really crazy pessimistic thoughts.
Sometimes I feel I am a bit of a hypocrite.
I sneer at myself,
Because I can be a totally confident woman, a great listener and advice-giver, and definitely optimistic,
When the fact is, I can't even make my life seems perfect.
I can't even make the advices I gave to people, to make sense to my life.
Apart from being insecure and doubtful about myself,
I am also very dependent.
Somehow, it has always occur to me that I need constant recognition or reminder or some sort,
From people around me,
To feel like how I used to feel (when I don't hit rock bottom).
I constantly need to be told that people care about me,
That people love me just the way I am,
That people need me just like this.
I need those reassurance so that I can be secured all over again,
And start fresh.
But the fact is,
If you're still reading to this point,
You people don't care about all these,
And that's the perfect reason why I can't find myself going to someone for comfort,
And if I did, I'd be like a kitten who lost its mom when I lose that person.
I am not blaming you people for what I am feeling,
Nor am I blaming myself for it.
It's just that I've got a lot going on in my mind,
And I need to get it out of my system.
But right now,
I need to take a break and catch my breath.
Give myself time to make sense.
My relatives said, I have a gift of asking a lot of questions.
And I couldn't agree more.
But these questions are sometimes too mind-boggling that I get too absorbed in finding the answers to it,
And having to feel upset when I don't.
I don't know lah.
This is one of those emo posts that should not be taken into account.
And honestly speaking,
Don't bother leaving comments to refer to this post.
The last thing I need now is criticism and harsh words.
Or was it last night?
But never mind. I'm just posting it again so that people will continue to be reminded of the
audition and not blame me or whoever else because she/her miss the audition.
ANyway, something light for an opening.
Dad just gave me my first driving lesson.
On Mom's Hot Picanto.
Mom absolutely dislike the fact that her daughter was driving in her car without licence.
But I think it's more to "Habislah lepas ni dia bawak kereta!" sort of thing.
How does it feel first time driving an auto car?
I wasn't thrilled. But I was smiling all the way.
Well, except for the times inside the car.
I think I am gifted at destroying things.
First lap around the housing area,
I almost got myself (and Dad) into accident.
The funny part was,
Dad was saying "brake! brake!" like most of the time.
Terrified? Maybe.
But I know he was in serious stress.
I would too, looking at how I drove.
Because I kept on putting my foot on the accelerator.
To quote Dad,
"Biar drive lambat macam orang tua, tapi selamat." *one car overtook us*
Crazy? Hahaha! "Brake! brake!"
Moving on,
I think I am going to take a few days off blogging and online-ing.
Hard to do? Maybe.
Can I do it? I'd give it a try.
I need to take a break to wrap my head around something
(don't you even think of making a joke about how to wrap my head since I wear tudung bla bla
bla coz it's not funny. And yes, I read people's minds *rolls eyes*)
... From this point onward, it's going to be a gushing emotional gibberish talk about my life, that
if you're not interested in reading, you should stop now.
Honestly saying,
I don't feel 2008 has a good start.
Not for me, at least.
It's been like I'm not sure, 2 3 weeks since the Best Friend is away,
And daily, my emotional system is getting worse and worse.
This week alone, I broke down twice.
Yes, twice in the same week.
Last week, I broke down once,
On the phone with Iona,
(no one knows about the whole breaking down thing)
And to think of it, I am not even the one being sent thousand miles away from home.
Being a full-time unemployed licence-less broke woman,
Somehow gives me more time to be extra sombre.
Not that I am not before.
But it's so easy to be sad these days.
I know that people don't really notice this,
Especially with all the excessive laughters I had when I am around people.
You must be thinking, "gosh this girl has got to be kidding!"
Well, I am not.
In fact I am dead serious.
I've been trying to stay strong these few weeks.
I mean, it's like 8 more weeks to go right before the government returns me back my best friend?
How long would 8 weeks take right?
Well guess what,
8 weeks is equivalent to 56 days, 1344 hours or 80640 minutes.
Do you know how long is that?
(Yes, I use the calculator to calculate that, and no, I am not magically bestowed upon the gift of mathematic of all the sudden)
Do you know how long it takes to upset me?
Wait, rephrase, for me to upset myself?
One minute.
So that would technically gives me 80640 times to be upset.
That's a whole MUTHAFUCKING lots!
And it's not the fact that the Best Friend is away that upsets me,
It's other things.
It's difficult to say la.
You know, there are times when you just hit the bottom,
Because of everything, and sometimes nothing.
So you just need to stay there quietly for a while before you bounce back.
People say if anything's troubling oneself, that person should talk it to someone.
But I don't have that someone.
Do you get it?
I don't have such person that will always be there for me when I need him/her.
I just don't.
Unlike other people,
They know they can always have emotional breakdown and come to me,
Because I am always there. For everyone in need of a shoulder to cry on, a moral support, or even someone to talk to.
But I don't have.
Is it my choice to not have a person to come to when I need someone?
Of course not.
But then again,
I've always been very discreet with people about what is in here *points at my head* and in here *points at my heart*.
Because to me,
I don't like to show people my weaknesses.
I don't want to be approached as the weak one.
The Whiney one.
And then,
I'll drown myself in my own self-inflicted pain,
And kill myself (figuratively)
And there's even times when people say they will be there for you,
But the fact is they're never there.
Not when you need them the most.
Or maybe I need them at the wrong time.
But it's so hard living like this!
I am not exaggerating.
And it's been a while since I complain in my blog.
You know,
Sometimes I get so angry at that person,
And I get so upset about being angry at that person,
And then I get extremely depressed about it,
And have a really terrible mood swings,
Before I approach the person about it,
But failed at the very last minute because I've no heart to be hard and brute to that person,
And I'll jump into a phase of emotional detachment.
And then I dissolve from this world, taking a so-called break from living my life.
Which is in fact what I am doing right now.
People call it escapism and i love escapism.
But it's true to one point that I can't keep running away from this all,
Or taking a break,
And coming back like nothing happen.
But that's me.
I can't change that specific part of me.
And I'll do the whole escapism phase like once every two months or something.
At times,
It's not getting angry at a particular person that causes all the distress,
Sometimes it's just me.
I get upset at what I don't achieve,
Or I get upset with what I am feeling,
Or I get upset with what I am facing,
Or I'd simply get upset because of wanting too much.
Sometimes,
I don't know if I am hoping too much,
Or asking too much,
And obviously when you expect much,
You expect to make it real.
And here is where it hits me,
Mostly what I hope for is not going to happen,
And then I'd blame myself for wanting too much.
But when is too much is too much?
What if too much isn't that much after all?
Or what if my too much is insufficient to be too much?
Do you people get me?
Every once in a while,
I will have visits from Mr.Doubt and Miss Insecurity.
I'd reflect back on my life, my relationship with people around me, etc
And I'll start having crazy thoughts.
Really crazy pessimistic thoughts.
Sometimes I feel I am a bit of a hypocrite.
I sneer at myself,
Because I can be a totally confident woman, a great listener and advice-giver, and definitely optimistic,
When the fact is, I can't even make my life seems perfect.
I can't even make the advices I gave to people, to make sense to my life.
Apart from being insecure and doubtful about myself,
I am also very dependent.
Somehow, it has always occur to me that I need constant recognition or reminder or some sort,
From people around me,
To feel like how I used to feel (when I don't hit rock bottom).
I constantly need to be told that people care about me,
That people love me just the way I am,
That people need me just like this.
I need those reassurance so that I can be secured all over again,
And start fresh.
But the fact is,
If you're still reading to this point,
You people don't care about all these,
And that's the perfect reason why I can't find myself going to someone for comfort,
And if I did, I'd be like a kitten who lost its mom when I lose that person.
I am not blaming you people for what I am feeling,
Nor am I blaming myself for it.
It's just that I've got a lot going on in my mind,
And I need to get it out of my system.
But right now,
I need to take a break and catch my breath.
Give myself time to make sense.
My relatives said, I have a gift of asking a lot of questions.
And I couldn't agree more.
But these questions are sometimes too mind-boggling that I get too absorbed in finding the answers to it,
And having to feel upset when I don't.
I don't know lah.
This is one of those emo posts that should not be taken into account.
And honestly speaking,
Don't bother leaving comments to refer to this post.
The last thing I need now is criticism and harsh words.
Signing Out,
I know, sometimes I'm too sombre that me, myself is having a hard time keeping up with me.
I know, sometimes I'm too sombre that me, myself is having a hard time keeping up with me.
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