Bite My Nose Lah. Like I care!

It's 3.09 AM now.
I love nights like tonight.
Quiet, calm and free of any disturbance.

Family's dead asleep in their own perspective rooms.
Siblings starting school in about 4 hours more.
Mom need to wake up early.
Dad got to go to work.

People ask me why I like staying up at night.
My answer is simple,
I like having the house to myself.
Not having people watching what I do.
Total silence and i don't know how to explain lah!

I have to say,
This week (the week we took our SPM result) was not a good week to me.
I've been mounted with excessive pressure from surrounding and unfortunate events happened.

Today on the way back home from work,
I just realised how much I miss being 15.
Today, I am 18.

Mom and Dad no longer exclude me from their conversations.
I get to listen to them talk about 'grown up' stuffs.
Like finance, the loans, the car, the house, the education.

I never realised how simple life was back then,
Not till I lost it.
Maybe the saying 'You don't know what you have till you lost it' does hold water after all.

I miss not being held responsible for my future.
I miss just having to worry about a guy having a crush on me and how to get rid of him,
I miss worrying about what to wear for tomorrow's tuition class,
I miss thinking of what to tell my friends first thing in the morning.

And I thought life at 15 was complicated.
How I was wrong.
So very very wrong.

Mom has been pestering me about scholarships and tertiary education.
Which frankly speaking, by now is pissing me off.
I know what my parents did was of pure and good intention.

But not giving space for me to breathe and decide is not exactly how I imagined my tertiary education will be like.

I am not being ungrateful or 'derhaka' as what some people might say,
But what happened to ' Do whatever you want to do and we will support you'?

Now it's more to 'You are taking this course and that course'
'You must secure the scholarship, must do research. Must try to get the scholarship.'
'You have to take that course, it has got good prospects etc.'

I am tired of the word 'prospect', 'university', 'malay students', 'scholarship', 'good profile', 'good career opportunity'.

As much as I am clueless about this whole tertiary education,
I know my parents aren't any less clueless.
It's like blind leading the blind.

Mockery is not what I meant when it comes to parents and tertiary education.
In fact, I welcome a lending and guiding hands from Mom and Dad for me to choose 'the right path'.

But I don't picture myself doing Engineering, or Finance or Accountancy or Economy or even Islamic Banking.

Yes, they do offer good prospects.
No doubt.
Yes, I won't be struggling to find a job once I graduate.
I agree.

But those are not the jobs that satisfy my career needs.

I want to do more than just sit in the office and balance my 'Kunci Kira-kira' or sit in the bank the whole day explaining interests and loans or study some stupid economic graphs for hours.

I want to meet people.
Tend to people's need.
I want to feel needed and I want to help people fulfill their desire.
(And no, I don't want to be a prostitute. Thank you very much)

Eventhough my passion for Medic isn't as strong as it used to be,
But I still want to pursue Medic.
Just because I got a B4 for my Bio,
Doesn't prove that I am not capable of treating people.
Like what Daryl said, "Bio isn't all about human. So one might suck in plants and bones, but may be very good with the heart and all. So how could one stupid paper combining different aspects of Biology be the benchmark to how students will excel in Medic?"

I hate how people go to the Medical line for all the wrong reason.
Big cash, the fame.
The title.

I want that job because I am passionate about making world a better place to live.

So, because of a stupid B4 for Bio,
I had to screw my life-long dream of becoming a doctor.

It's fine.
Maybe it's not my rezeki to start with.

So I was trying to opt for Psychology.
Which got a definite No-no from both of my parents.
Something about it not being a potential field or something.

What pisses me off about the whole no-no to Psychology is that
How Malaysians aren't willing to open up to that certain field.
We have murderers and psychopath and insane people walking among us,
And all we can claim is that we don't need psychology?

Malaysians have this mindset of where Psychology is not required because no one will need help unless if you're crazy.
Which is definitely not true.
I break down at least once every month (could be PMS, but that's a different story) and when I hit rock bottom, I don't know where to go to.
We have become so bloody 'kiasu' that somehow trusting is the most difficult thing next to apologizing.

I seriously think it's not fair how people are treating Psychology as some ridiculous subjects to study.
They said this field has got no potential.
How would they know that 10 years from now?

Psychology is something I do best in,
Beside shopping and sleeping.
So how come I don't deserve to be given a chance to try what I want?

So what if my pay will be miniscule?
I don't mind.
I want the satisfaction of working
(and I'll be marrying some rich guy too, so no need to worry about money. LOL!)

I want to do something that still gives me the passion after 20 years of working.
Jobs are what you do till you're 55.
And 55 years old doesn't come the next day.
So I want something more like mine rather than some boring economy job.
Furthermore, I hate Math and I suck in it.
What can I do?

***

Remember not long ago I told a story of a new friend of mine.
That guy I adore so much.
The pinky-fingernail-biting-guy.

Dengan dukacitanya dimaklumkan bahawa,
That guy has quited his job.

He had a row with his boss and one thing lead to another,
He resigned.

Eventhough I think he's at fault when it comes to the cause of the row,
But I cannot help but to feel rather sad not being able to have him around to 'kacau' with.

But he knows what's best for him.
So I wish him the very best of luck!

***

I just found out my brother has a blog.
Eventhough it's a real dull blog.
(Sorry la, brother no brother, it IS a very dull blog)

And he has the link to mine.
I have a feeling he knows about you-know-what.

***

This is my extremely cute and adorable cousin.
8 months old Syuhada.
This was taken during the very brief visit back to Johor last Friday.

By the way,
Granddad's improving by the day.
Eventhough he isn't as fit as he used to be.

The one in the pink shirt is Syuhada's sister.
She's in Std 1 now.
Her name is Saadiah.
A really cute (and talkative) cousin.

My relatives did mistaken her for me back then,
Kept calling her 'Khadijah' instead of 'Saadiah' because they said she takes after me.

Very very 'kepoh'.

Mom said, I can't shut up back then when I was young.
She said, I LOVE talking and I love asking questions.
Why this and why that.
Very annoying.
But very cute at the same time.

***

We had a meet up last Saturday.
On the 15th of March.
At Palm Grove mamak.

It was supposed to be my birthday celebration,
But I didn't have the heart to tell people about the real purpose of the meet up because I am not some 'tak tahu malu punya perempuan' who promotes her birthday.

And furthermore I don't really mind.
To me, it's suffice just to have your loved ones around you.
Not much pictures are taken though.

Daryl and Darren. Gay-ing around. Don't Ask.

Lala-ness. Daryl and WeiGuan. Both who claim they're best friends but don't know what happened to each other the last one month.

ThamYaw and Cher.

ThamYaw and Cher. Candid.

Darren, Bel and ChuanYing.

Darren, Bel and ChuanYing : Part II

PeiYin and Jamie. Jamie drove that day. Crazy right?

PeiYin and Jamie : Part II

Saya lebih rela untuk tidak berkata apa-apa tentang gambar ini.

Cher and Aisha. When Lala strikes.

Budding Drama Queens : Aisha & Iona
Tutor : Khadi. Haha!

Iona and Darren. Looking blur and hot.
(I think?)

***

In less than a day, I'd be bf-less for the next 3 months.
Of course I'm not complaining,
(eventhough I have the right to)

I am prone to paranoia and freakism (as claimed by Iona)
And I hate saying goodbye (again) after saying goodbye two weeks ago.

You know how heart-breaking it is to be saying goodbye so many times?
They said be strong and all.
I am made of rock.
But it's easier said than done.

Gosh. Emo-ing. Better stop now.
It's late.
Mom would probably kill me tomorrow.

Signing Out,
This post does look incomplete.